


Why Can't I Leave You?

by agenthaywood



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Dark!Skye, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:25:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1581617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenthaywood/pseuds/agenthaywood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would you do when you find yourself changing? What would you do when the face looking back at you is a monster? What you do when there's only one person who isn't afraid of you? Would you give in? Would you let the beast take over?</p>
<p>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. AU in which Skye finds herself facing the effects of what's happened to her over the last few weeks. My rewrite of the last few episodes of the season all from Skye's POV as well as where I would like the series to go when it comes to dealing with Skye's origins and her apparent lack of side effects from a certain life-saving drug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Why did I go with you? Why didn’t I find something in that closet to kill you with? Of course, how was I going to kill Agent Grant Ward, HYDRA Agent Grant Ward at that?

How much of it was a lie? Does the team mean nothing to him? Do I mean nothing to him? No, no that’s not right, he cares about me. That much I know, or at least that much I hope.

I looked out the window in the cockpit, and I was rewarded with the beautiful sunrise over Canada. I know it’s too much to ask, but a romantic flight with Ward was something I craved for a long time.

The scars and stubble etch themselves nicely into his chiseled features. God, why does the man that for all intents and purposes has kidnapped me have to be so nice to look at?

Ward must’ve caught me staring at him because his infamous smirk snaked its way across his face. I was unable to control my own expressions. This isn’t fair. I shouldn’t have these feelings for him. He’s the enemy. He’s a murderer. He’s a manipulator. He’s the man who would take a bullet for me. He’s the man who would and has killed for me. He’s the man who snaked his way into my heart with no apparent effort. I hated myself for letting me fall for him, but at the same time I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

“Skye, as much as I love it when a girl stares at me, I need a destination.” Ward stated as he flashed me a small smile. I wanted to kill myself, but those eyes are doing it for me.

“San Juan, Mexico. That’s where I need to be to decrypt the hard drive.” I told him as I looked out the window for a few minutes more.

I know once upon a time, trying to escape from him wouldn’t have been as painful as it would be now. I got attached. I’m an idiot. The way he talks to me. The way he makes my stomach do flips without much as a thought. I’m assuming this is what it’s like to fall in love. To know that he’s wrong for you, but the thought of being without him is unbearable.

I want to believe that he feels the same. I want to kiss him, to love him, to show him that I understand. He messes with some control I don’t even know the name of and stands. He offers me his hand and I take it with a grin.

“Autopilot’s set. I don’t about you, but I’m starving.” Ward said as he gave my hand a playful squeeze. He pulled me up. His bicep involuntarily flexing. My heart did an involuntary shudder as I saw it. How does he do this to me?

The kitchenette in the plane is stocked as always and in 10 minutes I’m saying hello to one of Ward’s famous BLT’s. I don’t think I’ve had a decent meal in at least a day. The sandwich was comparable to sex in the mouth, so much so my face lit up in a momentary bliss. I could hear Ward’s deep chuckle, which only added to my excitement I’m embarrassed to say.

I opened my eyes to see his face full of sandwich. His mouth curved in a smile, the rarity of which grows smaller the longer I’m with him it seems. That small hope that I can save him from HYDRA, from himself, burns in my heart.

_I’m not a good man, Skye._ Those words resounded through my head. I wanted to cradle him when he told me that. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay.

“Skye, you ok?” Ward asked, obviously seeing the frown forming on my face.

“I’m good. What about you?” I prodded.

“Well, it was nothing a sandwich couldn’t fix.” He replied with a chuckle.

I flashed him a smile and snaked my way over to his seat. I leaned into his side and planted a kiss on his lips. He reciprocated and I could feel my mind losing it to his touch. His arm wrapped around my back and I felt my body ease into his side.

His touch shouldn’t do this to me now. I shouldn’t struggle to think. I shouldn’t feel my lips leave his and rest my head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. I shouldn’t feel relaxed. I shouldn’t feel the exhaustion of the past couple days wash over me and find myself losing a battle to sleep. He senses this, and I feel myself lifting off the ground as his strong arms move under my legs and lift me to his chest. The same chest I wanted to rest my head against for so many nights.

Ward carries me over to the big couch in the lounge and I can feel him lower us to the cushion. My body has gone completely limp in his arms. I feel like nothing more than a doll as he positions my legs on the coffee table. If Simmons was here she would berate us for treating the furniture so poorly, but my body is too tired to care.

My head was still resting against his shoulder, and for the life of me I couldn’t have slept easier. I know he’s HYDRA, but damn it his shoulder made a good pillow. I kept mentally chiding myself as he stroked my hair softly and I felt my stomach turn to knots. In the back of my mind I know I should’ve had the urge to kill him, but the only thing I wanted to do was rest my head on his shoulder a little longer.

I felt his body lose the tension it had for most of the night as he leaned his head against mine. I wanted nothing more than to just lye here for as long as possible. Maybe if I could talk to him, I could get him to renounce HYDRA. Maybe I could make him feel remorse, and get him to make things right. Koenig’s body flashed into my mind, reminding me that even if he feels remorse, he still killed an unsuspecting agent. My body regained the tension it held for most of the night. My head swirled with panic as my muscles seized beneath Ward’s arm.

“Skye, what’s wrong?” Ward asked gently raising me up. Damn his ability to be that bad guy that you feel sorry for.

I raised my head from his shoulder and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I looked him dead in the eye and I still couldn’t see the murderer my brain knows him to be. I can only see the man that protected me from bullets and guards and the certainty that I’m safe in his arms.

I couldn’t help myself. I leaned into his face and pressed my lips against his. Why have I fallen in love with a killer? Why can’t I leave him?


	2. Chapter 2

Grant put his strong hand behind my head and pushed me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Any thoughts I had were quickly dissipated as I heard a low groan from his throat. Heat began to pool between my legs as I felt any and all apprehension to his touch quickly vanish. We released only when oxygen became absolutely necessary.

I opened my eyes half expecting his to be lust-laden and hating myself for the ache that was ever present between my legs. What I saw was a different story entirely. His eyes were shut tight with rims of tears trying desperately to run out of him. His face was scrunched and I could feel his inner conflict. Ward opened his eyes and the tears fell.

_Really, the monster has to cry? Why am I feeling bad for him? He knows what he’s doing. He’s in complete control. He killed Koenig. He’s probably killed dozens of other people._ I kept trying to reason with myself as my hand involuntarily moved to his face to wipe the tears from it. Reasoning wasn’t going to be easy. My arousal eased as I continued wiping away the tears.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Ward said as he let me go and walked away from the couch. My body missed his warmth. For a monster, he’s really emotional. He didn’t cry once when he was lying to us. Is this still an act, or is he really showing remorse? Could the last few days be catching up to him and his mind is reeling from the realizations of all he’s done? Could I-the team, have actually given him some humanity? I scolded myself for thinking like that. _He’s evil Skye, get that through your head! He’s a goddamn monster and a traitor! He doesn’t care about you or anyone else for that matter! All he wants is for you to decrypt the hard drive and then you’ll die._

My body reacted without my brain’s consent and I walked towards him. I cupped his cheek and looked into those brown eyes that tortured me on the inside during all the months on the bus. Those eyes that held secrets I couldn’t even begin to unravel. I expected him to shoo me away, but he didn’t. He closed his eyes as a lone tear ran down his cheek.

I couldn’t stop myself. The tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. “I know what you are, Grant.” I said with a cracked voice. The panic and fear and sadness all welled up on me anew. I didn’t know if he was gonna kill me, or throw me in the cell, maybe he’ll deny it and just call me crazy for thinking it.

Instead he wraps his arms around my back and pulls me closer to him. He places a small kiss in my hair. I can feel my hair get slightly dampened as more tears must’ve fallen from Ward’s eyes. We held each other for I don’t know how long, I held on to the thin hope that he isn’t really HYDRA, he’s just being used like Mike. Garrett doesn’t have a hold on him.

Ward releases first and again my body misses his. I walked back toward the counter and leaned against it, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“You found Koenig, didn’t you?” He asked slowly. I didn’t look up, I kept my eyes focused on the countertop. I knew as soon as I looked in his eyes I would lose it and all of the emotions I was trying so desperately to keep bottled up would explode to the surface in screams, tears and flurried punches at Ward.

I knew I couldn’t beat him in a fight if one were to start. I felt my fingers go numb from the force with which I was gripping the table. I felt myself working up the courage to answer him, but what he said made it all go away.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” I heard him say, deadpanned, monotonous, like it was no big deal. The anger worked its way up to the surface and before I knew it I threw myself at him. I pounded into his chest as hard as I could. The tears I held back at Providence came in rivers as I assaulted him with everything I had. Ward didn’t fight back. He didn’t grab me and make me stop, he didn’t say anything, he just let me pound my fists into his chest and abdomen.

I didn’t expect him to wrap his arms around. I didn’t expect myself to go limp in his embrace again and just cry. I cried for the death that never seems to leave me wherever I go. I cried that Ward betrayed the team. I cried that May left.

I cried because now I couldn’t be with Grant. He couldn’t train me. We couldn’t play Battleship on the Bus like we used to. We couldn’t have pointless arguments and worst of all, I cried because the Grant Ward I fell in love with doesn’t exist.

Grant rubbed a soothing motion across my back as I just sobbed into his chest, the same chest I cursed myself for still wanting to sleep on that chest. I cursed myself for letting him comfort me. I cursed myself for actually feeling safe with him.

When my tears finally ran dry I pushed myself up from his embrace. I looked into his eyes and saw remorse. I saw sadness, turmoil, the stuff a killer doesn’t display.

“Killing Koenig wasn’t the plan.” Ward said as he unwrapped himself from me, my body still missing his embrace.

“What was the plan?” I choked out.

“You were supposed to make a backup of the drive. After that, I would make a copy and slip out while everyone was asleep. You would’ve never seen me again.” He explained taking a seat on the couch. My eyes threatened to well up with tears again at the thought of him leaving, whether or not he was HYDRA.

Despite myself I sat next to him, taking his larger, calloused hand in mine. He looked up at me and I could’ve sworn the Grant I knew was in there. I just had to bring him out.


	3. Chapter 3

I stared at Ward. My brain saw the disgusting killer, but my heart saw the Grant Ward who saved people more times than I cared to count, whether he was undercover or not. His eyes were heavy, the brown turned into an almost translucent black. His body was tense, I cursed myself for getting that lightheaded feeling when I saw the cords in his forearms tense up as he tightened his grip on his knees.

“Grant,” I used his first name rarely, it was something akin to an intimate name I would use when we were alone. “Why are you doing this?” A part myself didn’t want to hear the answer, but another part of me held onto the faint hope he had just been fooled or blackmailed or whatever made him do things against his will.

“I owe him. It’s plain and simple.” Ward said emotionlessly. I saw his eyes scanning the air heavily, like he was searching for a camera or something. The red rims around his eyes looked ready to bring more tears. “Do you want to hear the full story?” He asked haphazardly, of course I want to hear the full story. I live for secrets. I nodded, urging him to continue.

“Fifteen years ago, Garrett visited me in juve. He told me that because I burned down my parents’ house with my brother still inside, I was going to be tried as an adult and sent to prison. He offered to get me out of it and train me. I was kind of lacking in options, so I accepted. That’s when I spent six months alone in the woods with nothing but a dog, Buddy, to keep me company.

“I started raiding cabins to get whatever supplies I needed. Garrett came back and said he was impressed. He treated me better than anyone had in my entire life. He gave me purpose. He made me feel like someone worth something.

“He started teaching me how to shoot. When I killed a deer, he told me a story of how S.H.I.E.L.D. left him hanging in enemy territory. He was gravely injured and still managed to get back. After that, he joined HYDRA, he said they knew what survival meant. He offered me a place with them. He offered me a home. But it would come at a price.

I saw his eyes harden. He swallowed before he continued.

“I had to shoot Buddy. It was to prove that I could survive on my own. But I couldn’t. Buddy was the first friend I had. When Garrett left he was there. He stayed with me. So I shot the air, scared him off. Then I put on a brave face and went with Garrett.” Ward closed his eyes. I could see him fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall through his eyes again.

I still didn’t understand. He killed Koenig. He killed people without hesitation. He’s lied to my face all this time, and I still don’t believe it. I know what he is. My thoughts were interrupted as he stood from the couch and took a few steps towards the counter. He leaned his back against it and crossed his arms.

“Garrett’s dying. That’s why he sent me into the team. To figure out how Coulson’s back from the dead and have the same treatment done to Garrett. The formula you were given after you were shot, is what he needs. Your blood work’s on the hard drive and thus, I need the drive decrypted.” Ward explained as he regained his stoic composure.

I was sickened with myself for understanding why he chose HYDRA. I don’t think I would’ve turned them down if they came to me before S.H.I.E.L.D. did. Who knows what kind of monster I would’ve become if Garrett trained me the way he did Grant?

Despite myself I understood his feelings. I understood his reasons. I even understood how he was able to continue lying when Coulson gave him something better than home, a family. Garrett wormed his way into Ward’s mind, taking over as the father Ward never had. I don’t think I could’ve said no to the offer if I was in his place. I’m seeing it turned into a rather simple difference between me and him: S.H.I.E.L.D. got to me first, for Ward it was HYDRA.

And I could see it was eating him alive. I walked over and put a hand on his arm. The gesture caused his face to soften slightly, he was still lost in thought, but I knew he knew I was there.

“Make the right choice now, Grant.” I pleaded with him. My eyes betrayed my voice. My voice was strong, unwavering, but my eyes were panicking, tears were started to flow down them again.

He looked in the eye, and I could see the trepidation in his. I was asking him to renounce everything he was taught for what, a few people he’s only known for a few months? I cared for him and he cared for me, but would I be able to trust myself in his shoes? I shuddered at the thought of it.

A part of me still wanted to kill him for all of the lies and death, but that part was won out by the part that understood, I didn’t pity him, but I understood.

“We’re five hours past deadline.” Ward said lowly.

“What deadline?” I asked.

“I had twenty-four hours to get the hard drive decrypted and get out. We’re five hours past that. As soon as I land this plane, Deathlok will be waiting for us.” He explained, walking off with a hand on the back of his neck.

“So what do we do?” I asked mortified. Mike wasn’t a bad guy, but I knew he didn’t have a choice but to do what Garrett said lest his son dies.

“Deathlok’s waiting for us in San Juan, they’ll be monitoring the flight path with satellites.” I could see Ward’s tactical side taking over, the side that was yet to let me down.

“Lola,” He said finally. Ward started walking purposefully toward the spiral stairs. I followed behind him closely.

Ward walked straight through the lab and into the armory. He grabbed two guns and threw one at me. I fumbled but I caught it. I stared at him with my mouth agape. Was I supposed to shoot someone? I couldn’t even stomach the thought. Ward grabbed a duffel from the overhead and started filling it with various weapons and gears I couldn’t even begin to name. I saw him throw something like 20 magazines in the bag.

_He prepares for war I guess._ I thought dreadfully.

He stopped packing and braced his hand on the wall. He looked at me with worry. “You know as soon as we leave, Garrett will know I betrayed him. He’ll know you turned me. If you think running has been tough right now, you have no idea how bad it’s gonna get.”

I walked over to him and cupped his face. I gave him a slow, tantalizing kiss, filled with love. I looked in his eyes and while I still saw the murderer and the liar, I also saw the man that won my heart. I saw the man that protected me with everything he had even when it wasn’t necessary. I saw the man that would do things for me even a spy wouldn’t do. I broke the kiss when oxygen became necessary.

“As long as I can trust you, I think we’ll be okay.” I told him truthfully. He smiled and kissed me again. I still cursed myself for letting my mind get foggy at his slightest touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be my first attempt at a sex scene. This is fair warning, brace yourself for some awful writing I know nothing about writing a sex scene, least of all from a girl's point of view!


	4. Chapter 4

I still hated how my mind went blank from his slightest touch. His lips started trailing down my neck and for the life of me I couldn’t tell him to stop. He found my pulse point is lightly nipping at it, eliciting a small moan from my lips. I grab his sweatshirt and drag him from the armory into the lab before I shrug his shirt off of his torso.

My eyes lock onto his abdomen and chest and I unconsciously lick my lips. I start unbuttoning my shirt and shrug it off my shoulders as Ward removes his jeans and boots. I look at him with a lust-fueled mind and all I can think about is him bending me over the table and having his way with me.

I attack his mouth again, battling his tongue for dominance as I feel his hands undo the clasp of my bra. I wriggle out of the straps and he plants his head on the sensitive skin between my breasts. Ward lightly kisses and tongues his away across my chest and all I can do is release guttural sounds from my throat. He returns to the pulse point on my neck and I start palming his package through his boxers. He’s ready for me as much as I’m ready for him.

I wriggle out of my underwear and Ward hefts me up on the table. He assaults my lips again and I run my hand through his short hair. The stubble on his face only serves to further stimulate me. I can feel his dick bulging through his boxers, begging for entrance into my core. I wanted nothing more than to allow but Grant had different plans as he starts fingering me.

His fingers start teasing my hot folds and I shuddered violently against him. My orgasm is creeping up on me faster than I want it to, all I want is to have this feeling last as long as possible. Ward forgets that and starts pumping two fingers inside of me. My entire body is on fire at his menstruations. Curses and grunts and moans are all that escape my mouth before I clamp down on his shoulder as hard as I can. I’m halfway sure I can taste blood but I hardly care.

Ward removed his fingers from me and shoved them in my mouth. Dammit I tasted good! I licked my way around his fingers before he replaced them with his mouth and I kissed him feverishly.

My hands wandered down from the sculpted plains of his chest and tugged at his boxers, I had to have him inside me. I managed to shimmy the boxers down his thighs and Ward proceeded to kick them down and off. I spread my legs begging for access. He obliged and slammed his rod into me with as much force as he could muster. I felt every bone in my body turn into mush as soon as he was inside me. When he started picking up pace and found the rhythm my body became putty. All I cared about was release.

“Faster, harder,” I begged. My mind reeling from the endorphins he was making me feel. Ward’s thrusts picked up in speed and fervor. I was so close to orgasm I was moaning loudly through the bus. _Thank God no one else is on here._ I thought thankfully as my moans and pants and grunts continued to increase in volume.

My voice hitched and my inner walls clamped around his tool as my first orgasm rolled through me. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I could tell Grant was dangerously close as his thrusts, though so fast I could already feel a second orgasm on the horizon, continued to pick up intensity. We came together and I kissed him with as much passion and hunger as I could muster.

Grant withdrew from me and slumped down to lay against the table as I laid my back across the table in complete bliss. I wanted to lay my head on Grant’s sweaty chest and sleep, but I knew that I couldn’t, there was too much that needed to be done and not a lot of time to do it in.

Against my body’s better wishes, I pulled myself off of the table and started putting my clothes back on. Ward did the same and not a word was said between the two of us. I don’t think he regrets it, I know I sure as hell don’t. My body never felt so alive even with Myles, the sex was OK at best, with Grant, I never had an orgasm as quickly, let alone two so close to each other.

I finished buttoning up my shirt when I felt him towering over me. I turned around with a stupid smile etched across my face and saw a similar one on his. I was somewhat disappointed that he had his clothes back on, I preferred him shirtless but I know very few would be as lenient in public. I leaned into his chest and he put his arms around me. Killer or not, I think he loves me. If what we just did was any indication, he loves me quite a bit. Ward places a kiss in my hair and pats my back before he goes to get the duffel bag.

“The plane is capable of a self-landing so don’t worry about it crashing into anything, but if there’s anything you want out of here, now would be the best time to get it.” He told me putting both guns in the bag, zipping it up, and throwing it over his shoulders.

I nodded and made my way to my bunk, determined to get my hula doll above anything. I opened the door to my bunk and found it looked the way I left it, messy with crap strewn every which way. I walked over to my window sill and picked up the doll. I twirled it around my fingers as I heard Ward’s footsteps on the staircase. He came up behind and wrapped me in his arms again. I melted into his embrace.

“I’m sorry, the last thing I wanted was to turn your world upside down.” I heard him say with a hushed tone.

“Not entirely your fault. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same if I were you.” I told him truthfully. I really didn’t know what I would do right now if I had Garrett breathing down my neck for the data on the drive.

“I turn around in his arms and put my hands on his shoulders. “Let him die, you don’t owe him anything you haven’t paid back in blood.” I tell him disdainfully. Garrett was asking too much out of him for so little in return.

I could see both hesitation and confusion in Ward’s brown orbs. “What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“I never expected you to want someone to die.” He told me, surprise heavily lacing his tone. I look down at myself. I didn’t want people to die, but Garrett deserved it. He plays everyone he ever meets, forced Grant to become a killer using what me and Grant both wanted, acceptance, love, a home.

“I say, if he’s afraid of dying, than a proper punishment would be to let him realize his fear.” I say with anger and resentment lacing my voice.

Grant pulls me closer to him in a tight hug. I melt and nuzzle into his chest. He always makes me feel safe, even now, with knowing everything he’s done and the people he’s killed, I still find myself comforted by his embrace.

Ward breaks the contact and I sigh inwardly. _Is just being with him too much to ask right now?_ I ask myself.

He holds my hand as he walks me down the stair case. I look at Lola, thinking if it were any other day, Coulson would have our heads for even looking at his pride and joy. Grant slides into the driver’s seat and I the passenger. The duffel bag is stowed away in the trunk along with some food, water and clothes we bagged up.

Ward starts the engine and puts his hand over the button to open the cargo ramp. I look at him questioning his trepidation. Ward looks at me and says, “Buckle up.” As soon as both of our seat belts are clicked into place his hits the button.

The air smacks into the back of my head like a brick and I immediately regret this idea. Ward throws Lola in reverse and hits the gas. We fly out the back of the plane and Ward hits the button to close the cargo hold quickly before we’re out of range to do so. I can’t help the loud scream that escapes my throat as we’re plummeting to earth from fifty-thousand feet.

Ward presses some buttons on the dash and the descent slows as Lola’s thrusters ignite and begin pulling us back up to altitude. Ward steers us away from the bus and starts a steady descent back to the ground. The wind howling in my ears and the adrenaline pumping through my veins all but demolish the exhaustion I’ve been carrying from the past couple days. I know as soon as we touch down and start riding on the road, I’m as good as gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Ward has been driving for three hours now and the sun is steadily setting upon the horizon. I turn to look at him and if the circumstances were different I might have laughed at what we were doing. The bad boy has the naïve girl riding with him in his sports car down a desolate highway that we don’t even know the name of and she’s about as giddy as a schoolgirl. I crack a small smile at the thought and turn my gaze to the road ahead.

I see street lights which means we’re not too far from a town. The wind is howling as it pushes my hair back, the one downside to having long hair is that the wind becomes your worst enemy.

“We’re right outside El Paso. I’ll find us somewhere to get something to eat in a few minutes.” I hear him say as I struggle to keep my hair out of my eyes. _Really Coulson, a freaking convertible?!_ I think angrily as one strand of hair lashes itself into my eye making me flinch.

“Are you okay?” He asks as he sees me fidgeting with my face.

“Top down cars don’t agree with me.” I replied hoping to ease the tension. We have barely spoken in three hours and that is a record for me, although I guess falling in love with a murderer is a first too.

He renounced HYDRA, he renounced Garrett, and I still just thought of him as a psycho. What does the fact that I love him say about me? Am I a monster for being able to look over the fact that he has killed who knows how many people? Am I a monster for thinking I would have done the same if Coulson was dying? Is that really the only difference between us? If Coulson visited Ward in Juve, would things have turned out different?

We pass a couple of houses off the road and begin entering the town. I see Ward do his involuntary scanning of the area, looking for threats I guess. I scan for somewhere to eat, the sandwich I had this morning didn’t hold me for as long as I thought it would.

I saw a small diner and immediately jumped to the hope that they had some good apple pie. I nudged Ward’s arm and showed him the diner as it was edging closer to us. He pulls into the parking lot and parks the car. I get out and I must have had a smile planted on my face from the thought of my first decent meal in three days.

“Has it really been that long since you’ve had something decent to eat?” Ward asked with some concern lacing his voice.

I shrug and wrap my arm around his lower back and lean into his side, the cool night air seeping through my shirt making me lightly shiver. Ward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I knew this should feel wrong, I should feel some form of disgust at myself for leaning into a murderer, but I always felt safe and warm in his embrace.

We walked into the diner and sat in a booth close to the back, Ward was trying to avoid as many prying eyes as he could. The waitress comes by and gives us a couple of menus. Her gaze lingers on Ward for a few seconds longer than necessary and I find myself getting angry. I guess no matter what you do, jealousy over a girl trying to attract the guy you care about will always happen. It’s a sense of normalcy I welcome even though my knuckles turn white as my grip tightens on his shirt.

“Can you ease up on the grip there?” Ward asked starting to wince. I smirked and released his shirt. I still can’t believe that I can smile after everything; that I’m happy to be in the arms of a monster.

“So what do you got a craving for?” Ward asked with a smirk as he picked up the menu. I scan the items on it. Same as any diner: burgers, fries, shakes, pancakes, waffles, and ice cream.

“I feel a little like the 50’s tonight. Burger fries and a chocolate shake sound really nice right now.” I say sweetly. I don’t know if I’m just playing him until Coulson finds us or if I’m genuinely enjoying being with him right now. My stomach is in knots and all I can think of is that I haven’t lifted my head from his chest since we walked in the door. I try to rationalize it with I’m still cold. I don’t think about how comfortable this position is with him, how natural it feels to just be in his embrace.

The waitress comes back with a couple glasses of water and Ward places our orders in. I find myself fighting off the urge to wrap my other arm around him and pull myself closer to him. I fight the urge to just close my eyes and have what I don’t doubt to be the most peaceful night sleep I’ll ever have.

“Do you have a way to contact Coulson?” Ward broke the fog in my mind with those words.

“No,” I said lowly. I was kind of hoping that Coulson could track the bus from Providence. Now, I found myself detesting the idea of Coulson or anyone finding us. It’s not that I wanted them to leave me alone, I just didn’t want them to take Grant away from me. I should want them to take the monster away, but every time the thought crosses my mind my stomach gets tangled into a jumbled mess of knots and my face grows cold.

“So we’re on our own,” Ward stated as I saw the waitress bringing our food. I saw the look of defeat on her face when she saw my head leaning into Grant’s firm chest. I smiled inwardly as she set our plates and shakes down and left us alone.

I slowly lifted my head off of Ward’s chest and instantly I missed the sense of security and warmth it held. I moved a clip of hair away from my face as I reached for a fry. Ward was taking a tentative bite of his burger.

We ate our meals largely in silence except when we would share a glance and a small smile. “So you got a problem with the waitress, huh?” Ward poked with a knowing smirk plastered on his face. I smiled despite myself and threw a fry in his face while sipping at my shake.

“I have a problem with girls who pointlessly flirt with the man I-“I stopped myself before I said something I wasn’t sure of. Did I love him? He was a murderer, a HYDRA agent, and a complete psychopath. But then again, he’s also been abused and used and neglected his whole life, I still don’t think there wouldn’t be any blood on my hands if Garrett came to me instead of Coulson. And then there’s the fact that no one has protected me the way he has, cared about me the way he has, or actually made me crave their embrace.

Ward must’ve caught on and flashed me a small smile before returning to his meal. I returned to mine, no doubt my face was redder than a tomato. We finished our food and Ward left the money to settle the bill as well as a tip.

As we were walking out of the diner Ward grabbed my arm suddenly. I turn to face him and I’m greeting with his lips assaulting mine. Again I cursed myself for getting flustered with the slightest gesture he does. He breaks the kiss but moves his mouth to my ear.

“When I say go, run. Don’t stop, don’t look back. I love you.” He breathed into my ear. My head began swimming with thoughts. What’s going on? Who’s after us now? Have I really fallen in love with this monster?

“Go!” Ward screams as he takes a gun he had in his waistband and starts firing at a person in the dark. I run as fast as I can but each step hurts more and more. Why do I feel bad leaving him to face whatever’s after him? He deserves worse probably. I should be relieved to be away from the monster. What I feel instead is heartbreak, I’m leaving him to die.

Foolishly I turn around to look at Ward’s attacker. All I see is the diner entrance. No Ward. No attacker. I start walking back to the door when I feel a sharp pain from behind and my vision narrows. I land on the asphalt in a heap. I don’t hear anything.

 


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes struggled to open. My head was pounding and my ears were ringing. I forced my eyes to open fully so I could get a look at where I was. The room was dark and it was clear that we were nowhere near the diner now. There was a light bulb hanging precariously from the ceiling slightly illuminating the room.

I struggled to move and found out my hands and legs were bound to the wooden chair I was in. I scanned the room for Ward and found him handcuffed to a pipe connected to the ceiling. Before I can speak a bucket of water is dumped on Ward’s head, shocking him awake.

He coughs and quickly scans the room before his eyes settle on me. I see fear and anger well up in them quickly. “I’m fine.” I assure him as he turns his gaze to our kidnapper who is still shrouded in shadow.

“Grant, Grant, Grant. Did you really think John wouldn’t know what you did?” The voice said as the body it came from steps into the bleak lighting of the room. He was a man of average build, almost as tall as Ward, almost. The man’s face is scarred and rough-looking. I can see his receding, unkempt hair and budding stubble. The man is dressed in all black, similar to the way Ward dresses before he goes with a tactical team.

“So let me see if I understand this right; you kidnap your target, but you find out you love her and you can’t bear the thoughts of her going through a HYDRA interrogation, so you convince her to run away with you and live happily ever after. Does that sound about right to you,” The man turns his dark eyes and predatory grin towards me. “Skye, is it?”

I don’t answer him, which only ends with him walking towards me and slapping me across the face. Ward quickly struggles against his bonds, but it is of no use. Our captor stares at me with a dark hunger, rape is the first thought to come to my mind, but I figure he would have done so while I was unconscious. No, he wants to see me bleed.

“Feisty, this one. I can see why you got attached. She’s a hot piece of ass. So tell me, _Skye,_ ” My name rolls off his tongue maliciously, makes me want to puke. “What exactly do you see in my friend here? I get he’s handsome. He’s got a body most men die for. But you don’t look like the type to care about the outside. No, no, you must be one of them that likes the person, not the body.”

I winced inwardly at his comments. I saw a murderer in Ward. I saw a killer. I saw the man that would let me see him without his walls. I saw the man who would let me see him at his most vulnerable. When Ward would shut everyone else out he would let me in. My stomach starts knotting around myself at the thought of how even despite everything Grant has done, I still find myself in love with him. Every time I try to talk myself out of it, try to remind myself who he is, what he is, I’m always assaulted with the memories of him letting down his barriers and the idea that I wouldn’t be any different if Garrett found me instead of Coulson. I was given a chance to be good; Ward was given a chance to be a survivor, two things that never correlate.

The man slumps over to Ward and punches him in across his face. I see Ward spit a bit of blood onto the cold concrete floor. Ward gives the man an icy stare, and I’m reminded that underneath everything, Ward’s no stranger to violence and death.

“Go to hell, Thom.” Ward says lowly as Thom picks around his pocket. Thom pulls out a key and undoes Ward’s cuffs. Ward drops slightly from the pipe holding him up. Thom pushes him against the wall and takes the pistol out of his holster. Thom backed off and left Ward holding his gun.

“Now, outside there are three individuals who need a bullet in their head. They tracked their friend here and are gunning to kill us both. I’m giving you a chance to redeem yourself. All you have to do, is pull the trigger.” Thom explained to Ward as he pressed a button on a monitor to his left.

The monitor showed three people I’ve never be more scared of to see in my life: Coulson, the man I loved like a father. May, the overprotective mother. Triplett, the big brother. On any other day I would have been ecstatic to see the rescue party, but knowing what Thom was asking Grant to do, I was never angrier with their timing. I saw Coulson skulking down one of the hallways while Trip and May flanked his sides, all of their guns were drawn.

I looked at Ward and I saw the hesitation in his eyes, his grip on the gun was loose. Thom looked at him expectantly, like he knew what Ward was going to do. I was scared that I knew what he was going to do. He wouldn’t actually kill them would he? Would he kill the people that treated him like family for months?

“And if I refuse?” Ward asked slowly as his eyes flickered between me and Thom.

Thom reached over to me and quickly yanked a fistful of my hair that caused my head to jerk back. He took out a gun from the waistline of his pants and pressed the cold barrel into my right temple.

“Then your pretty girlfriend dies.” Thom replied coldly. For emphasis I guess, Thom pressed the barrel of the gun even harder against my head.

I couldn’t hide the fear in my eyes. Guns have had me paranoid since Quinn unless I knew it was Coulson or May behind the trigger. Ward didn’t even scare me when it came to guns. I know he’s a psychopath, but even still I’m not scared of him. I guess the fact that I feel safe with him makes me a psychopath. Figures, it takes crazy to love crazy.

“Drop the gun.” Ward said coldly as he aimed his pistol at Thom.

“Even you couldn’t make that shot, Ward. Just do as I ask, and the girl’s all yours.” Thom reasoned.

I could see Grant waging war with himself in his eyes. I want to plead with him that my life isn’t worth the lives of three good people, but my body is paralyzed with fear. I try to convey my message through my mind but Ward’s shrug of defeat tells me that it was unsuccessful.

“If they’re gone, is she free to go?” Ward asked lowly.

“By all means, as soon as they’re dead you can go.” Thom replied with a wicked grin.

“Skye,” Ward looks at me with pleading eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Ward don’t,” I push my fear aside as I see him walking to the door. “Grant! Don’t do this!” I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping the louder I yell he might listen. I was disappointed in myself for thinking I had that kind of influence over him. I should have known better than to think that I could’ve turned a killer.

“Don’t fret honey,” Thom said as he brushed his calloused hand across my cheek. I shivered with disgust at his touch. “Just give him ten minutes and it’ll all be over.” Thom removed the gun from my head, I feel a slight bruise forming on my temple from where he forced the barrel of the gun into my head.

I turn my eyes to the screen. I see May and Trip rounding a corner with their guns drawn, fingers itching on the triggers. Coulson walked down a hallway and I saw a dark figure behind him. I knew it was Grant and I felt the tears threatening to well up in my eyes. Ward stalked behind Coulson and I felt a pit of fear welling up in my stomach.

Ward took the gun and aimed it at the back of Coulson’s head. If my hands were free right now they would be shaking. Coulson must’ve felt his presence because he whipped around and fired a shot that flew past Ward’s head. They started fighting each other and immediately I saw Coulson losing, Ward was younger, stronger, and more ruthless.

As soon as Coulson went down Ward took off running down the hallway, I’m guessing to catch up to May and Trip and attempt to get the drop on them. May and Trip must’ve heard the gunshot ring out through the maze of doors and hallways because they took off running in Ward’s direction. Ward shot the headlight that was hanging from the ceiling and made the hallway go dark. I saw nothing and heard nothing. I didn’t hear any gunshots from the hallways outside of the door, so I assume that Trip and May have either subdued Ward and are on their way to get me, or Ward took them down and is now thinking about putting two in the back of all of their heads.

A lone tear trails down my cheek from the many violent scenarios running through my heads. I hear footsteps from the door Ward walked out of. I don’t know why, but I find myself hoping that Ward would walk through the door without a scratch.

It is Ward, but he’s got Coulson in tow, conscious but with a little bit of blood running from his nose. I see Ward’s cut on his upper lip had reopened and is trailing slowly down his mouth towards his chin. Ward sits Coulson down on the ground. I see Grant’s gun trembling in his hand, it looks like it weighs a ton. I see his eyes have gone almost completely black from the normal dark brown.

“Good work, Ward. Now shoot him in the head, like a good little shoulder.” Thom replied maliciously. I look at Ward and see his hand shaking even worse, the gun rattling in his grip.

“Grant,” I say lowly. “You don’t have to do this. Just put the gun down.” I see his eyes lighten slightly as I speak to him. The gun raises itself slowly, I panic on the inside thinking I’m not getting through to him. Coulson won’t speak, he just looks at me with calm eyes, like a father trying to assure his daughter everything will be alright. I see Ward aiming the gun at the back of Coulson’s head and I can’t fight the tears trailing down my face at this point. I want to scream and yell and make Ward listen to me, but I finally realize, it doesn’t matter that we love each other, he’s a killer who will do whatever it takes to remain in his father figure’s good graces. The only peace I can gleam from that is that I would do the same.

I force my eyes shut and I am rewarded with the piercing noise of a gunshot. Silence now permeates the air.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make it short I did, but I just couldn't find a good ending point.

I don’t want to open my eyes, I know I’ll only be greeted with the sight of Coulson with a bullet in his head and the monster I’ve fallen in love with. I was so stupid to trust him! Why did I think I could change something that’s been ingrained in his mind for fifteen goddamned years?! He just used me the same way he used everybody, to further Garrett’s freaking plans.

Despite myself I forced my eyes open and instead of the image I predicted, I was shocked with Ward pointing his gun to my right. I turn my head and see Thom’s body slumped on the floor, a single thick line of blood pouring form the hole in his forehead.

I look back at Ward and saw him drop the gun. I looked down at Coulson and he was staring with his mouth agape at the dead body. Coulson stood up and walked over to Thom’s body and kicked the gun away from him.

Ward looked like he was struggling to compose himself as he walked over to me. He started cutting the ropes with his knife and my hands jerked to cross over my chest and my legs jerked towards my front. I rubbed my wrists trying to get some circulation back to them.

I stand up and look at Ward. I don’t fight the urge and just curl into him, burying my head into his chest and just soak in his scent. Regardless of my anger and my common sense I needed to know he was there. Ward wrapped his arms around me and my body just melted into his embrace. The tears streamed down as I tried to bury my face even further into his chest, trying to hide away from everything.

“Ward, we need to talk.” Coulson says as he stands up from Thom’s body. I feel Ward tense like I do, we both know what’s going to happen. I wrap my arms around his mid-back as tightly as I can, trying to anchor him to me. I needed him right now, I needed the safety he made he feel.

“We’ll talk outside, Sir.” I hear Ward reply as I again press my body closer to his. The tears have stopped but I’m still shaking. I feel like one of those stupid teenage girls who cling to their boyfriends during horror movies, but honestly I don’t think I could move from him if I wanted to. Ward forces me away from him and I miss the warmth of his body pressed against mine.

“Are you okay?” Ward asks me as he takes a hold of my shoulders and leans down to my eye level. I nod as best I can, my voice not wanting to be of any use. I reach for his hand and lace our fingers together.

Coulson leads us out of the corridors and we pick up May and Trip on the way out. When we reach the exit, I see we were in a small office building. May and Trip keep giving Ward sideways glances and I squeeze his hand harder in response. Coulson walks us back to a panel van. Me Ward and Trip shuffle into the back while May and Coulson get in the driver and passenger seats.

“Ward, hands.” Trip says holding up some zip ties. Ward is reluctant to release my hand but Trip just stares him down until he relents and Ward gives my hand one last squeeze before he puts his wrists together for Trip.

“You know it’s pretty much useless to restrain him, if he wanted to kill all of us he could’ve done it by now.” I say defiantly as I watch Trip tighten the zip ties around Ward’s wrists; I can see the ties cutting into his wrists, almost to the point of cutting off circulation.

Trip just shot me a look that basically said, _I’d rather die knowing I did something to stop your psycho boyfriend._ I wanted to slap that look off of his face.

“Ward, we’re going to need to discuss what to do with you when we meet up with Fitz and Simmons.” I hear Coulson say from the front of the van.

“I know, Sir.” Ward replies automatically. The rest of the drive is done in silence, all Trip or May do is glance at Ward with a hard expression. Coulson is quiet and looks to the road ahead.

I find myself leaning against Ward’s frame as the exhaustion of the last few days hits me again. Sleep is luring me into her folds and I slump my head against Ward’s shoulder. I can feel him lay us both down on the floor of the van with his arms wrapped protectively around me and his back laying against the wall. I respond by burying my head into his chest and using his bicep as a pillow for what must’ve been the most peaceful sleep I’ve had in years.

Even asleep I could feel the collective glances that Coulson, May, and Trip were giving to Ward as I lay against him, blissfully unaware of the killing psychopath they believe him to be. I believed he was still a murdering monster, but in the end, the heart wants what the heart wants. My heart wants Grant and for the first time in my life, I’m able to sleep soundly and peacefully without any nightmares or rude awakenings threatening to rouse me from my subconscious.

I spoke too soon because as soon as I felt the van stop, Ward was shaking awake and removing myself from his embrace, my body missing being so close to his and sharing his warmth. I step out of the van right behind Trip and I see the jet that Ward flew to Providence. Fitz and Simmons walk down the ramp as May and Coulson file out of the front.

“Skye, we were worried sick about you!” Simmons exclaimed as she hugged like a mother holding their child after they’d walked off without the mother’s knowledge. She released me and looked at Ward, who still had his hands tied.

“You’re going to be going away a long, long time, I hope you know that.” Simmons threatened haphazardly. I thought it was pretty useless for her to even try to threaten anyone with that accent and tone she automatically carried in every conversation.

I don’t know why I suddenly feel a pool of anger and sadness when she says Ward’s going away. I don’t want him too. Coulson may be like a father to me, but there are times when I need someone like Grant, who can give the security and warmth I’ve only known with him, even after all he’s done. I guess this is what love is, right? Craving to be with someone regardless of the warnings your brain gives you.

I don’t like that my head and my heart keep arguing with each other. One of them should just win already. I should either hate Ward or love him, not keep walking that thin line between the two.

“Trip get us in the air. May, keep an eye on Ward. Skye, I’d like a minute to talk to you when we land.” Coulson ordered and everyone followed. Ward was walked into the jet with May pressing a hand to his lower back. Fitz and Simmons walked behind them into the seats, and Coulson followed suite. I trailed behind them all.

Trip wasn’t as good a pilot as Ward, light-years away from being like May, his liftoff was rocky, causing all of us to wobble in our seats a little bit. May still kept a close on eye on Ward and I could see that she was struggling to keep her rage bottled up. I guess even she has feelings. I don’t know if she’s mad because he betrayed the team, or because he slept with her to solidify his cover. The latter actually made me slightly angry with May, I didn’t like the idea of anyone being in his arms except me.

Fitz and Simmons were fidgety, most likely from the fear of having a HYDRA agent on board. Coulson was the only who seemed to have a calm expression. He just stared at Ward with emotionless eyes, like he was waiting for Ward to attack everybody and give Coulson a reason to put him down. That particular thought caused an uneasiness in my stomach. Ward just stared off into space, probably retreating behind his barriers again to avoid facing everyone at the moment. I was still tired and was missing being wrapped in his arms, able to blissfully ignore the world and just sleep knowing I was safe in his embrace.

“Where are we heading?” Ward spoke up, I was a little shocked to be honest when I heard his voice resonate through the jet. Everyone turned and look at him with mixed emotions of anger, disgust, betrayal, I looked at him with curiosity. I didn’t know where we were going to go. Providence was compromised and the Bus has probably landed in San Jose by now.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re not gonna see it anyway.” Coulson pulling a gun out of his suit jacket. My heart started racing and my throat went dry. Was he really going to kill Ward? Coulson’s only killed two people in the whole time I’ve known him and they both left him no other choice. Ward wasn’t armed, he wasn’t going to fight. Hell, he wasn’t even picking at the zip ties tied around his wrists.

I couldn’t register a look of shock on Ward’s face, mainly because he just looked as stoic as ever. I don’t think he was even afraid of dying. He just looked willing to accept his fate. I wasn’t and my face showed it.

Coulson pulled the trigger and the breath was knocked out of me. Ward’s head fell against the wall to his left. It was an ICER. I took a few deep breaths, more so to quell the rage that was burning in the pit of my stomach rather than quell the shock from witnessing Coulson shoot Ward in the chest.

“Skye, now that we have a minute without him listening. I want you answer me something: Can we trust him?” Coulson asked coldly, never taking his eyes of Ward’s slumbering form.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully. I know I can trust him with my life, but I don’t know if that extends to the rest of the team. Ward has this singular protection instinct to him. Garrett I think was the only other person he would ever protect besides me. I don’t know if I’m the only one that’s broken through his mental conditioning or if we all did. I don’t even think I really broke through his conditioning, I just think I gave someone new to protect.

“Sir, what are we going to do with him?” Trip asked lowly.

“Skye’s in charge of keeping an eye on him. She seems to be the only one he won’t assault. But May, you’re in charge of keeping an eye on Skye. I don’t want her alone with him.” Coulson explained.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” I said angrily. Ward wasn’t going to hurt me. Did Coulson really not trust me to be alone with him? Does he think I’ll defect just because Ward lowers his voice and whispers some things in my ear? That last thought made my heart thump. I still haven’t forgotten the lab, and I curse myself for wanting a repeat. He’s a traitor sure, but he knew how to have sex.

“Skye, I know you trust him, and I know he won’t hurt you. But I need to know that you’re not compromised by your feelings towards him. I understand that he is, but that doesn’t change the fact that he almost killed May and Trip and pointed a gun at my head.” Coulson replied bitterly.

“He only did that because that son of a bitch Thom had one pointed at me. He wouldn’t have done it otherwise.” I tried to excuse Ward’s actions. I guess I am as bad as he is.

“Irrelevant, May will be keeping an eye on you. We’re going to interrogate him in the morning and find out what he knows about HYDRA’s plans. Am I clear?” Coulson said finally.

“Yes, Sir.” I mocked as I half-assed a salute. My gaze wandered back to Ward. What was he dreaming? Can you even dream when you’re sedated by an ICER round?

“Where are we going?” I ask lowly, hoping someone other than Coulson would answer me. I really didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. It was screaming in my head plenty when Ward and I were on the Bus.

“To a hotel outside of LA.” May spoke up. I’m surprised I liked her voice over Coulson’s considering she was sleeping with Ward before he flipped sides.

I must’ve had a quizzical look on my face. “We’re going there because every other possible location has been compromised either by HYDRA or the US Military. We’ll be holed up in there until we find a way to resolve this mess.” May explained monotonously. I guess that’s a reason Grant sought comfort from her after the Berserker Staff, the woman knew how to keep her emotions on lockdown. I didn’t, I never would have been okay with a friends with benefits relationship with him.

I didn’t even notice when I started falling for him. There were lingering looks, maybe a touch. Training started becoming more bearable before I was shot, I wasn’t entirely repulsed by the idea of waking up at the crack of dawn knowing I was spending it with a different Grant Ward than everyone else. After I was shot, I’ve never seen so much anger in his eyes at the mention of Mike Peterson. I was halfway convinced if he was alone and not undercover, he would have put two in Quinn’s stomach like Quinn did to mine. My abdomen starts getting sore at the thought of it.

The rest of the flight was handled in silence. Ward looked content. He was always peaceful when he slept. I wanted to sleep but I thought better of it knowing it wouldn’t be anything more than a restless, dreamless state. The closest thing I got to an actual decent sleep was when Ward took me in his arms on the plane and in the van. He put my mind at ease. I felt safe and warm, something that no one ever made me feel before.

It must’ve been an hour or so when I felt the telltale dip in my stomach that told me we were descending to a landing strip. Ward was still unconscious. I forgot that even before he was shot with the ICER, he was running on less fumes than I was. I’d be amazed if he woke up before we got to the hotel.

I was proven right when I saw his eyes shoot open. I guess he was never one for a slow start. He lifted his head from the wall and blinked a few times. His eyes darted around the jet. He held his gaze on me for a few seconds longer and I found myself unconsciously smiling at him. His gaze always gave me butterflies and now was no exception. He didn’t look mad, betrayed, or even happy to see me, but then again, he was also a master at hiding his emotions from anyone and everyone, including me at times.

Despite Trip having a rough takeoff, he gave us all a surprising smooth landing. Simmons and myself filed out of the back first and left a wide berth for May and Coulson who escorted Ward out. I still couldn’t explain the anger burning inside me whenever I saw how rough they were being with him. He didn’t fight them, and we all knew that if he wanted too he could’ve taken us all out and ran for the hills before we even knew what was happening.

Trip and Fitz were the last ones out and jogged over to another non-descript van by a loading cart. I found myself stepping closer to Ward and offering him what little comfort I could. I felt bad that he was handcuffed for choosing us over Garrett. I wonder what would’ve happened if he didn’t choose us, would Coulson have still shot him with only an ICER round, or would there have been a real bullet in that magazine reserved for Ward?

Ward flashed me one of his rare smiles and the uneasiness in my stomach faded away almost instantly. I knew he was here only because he wanted to be. Zip ties or not, he could’ve left anytime he wanted to. I nudge against his shoulder and took his left hand in my right. He didn’t fight me and we made our way over to the van in peace. I was waiting for Coulson or May to freak out and put another ICER round in him, but they didn’t. Maybe this is why Coulson wants me guarding him, I can keep him docile, happy even; he won’t attack anyone when he’s with me.

Ward helps me into the back of the van and proceeds to sit close to me. I don’t know why I feel better knowing he’s close, but I do. I don’t why I have the urge to curl up to him and close my eyes, but I do. I shouldn’t care this much, even after he’s done for me, I know he’s a murderer and most likely insane, but my heart still pines for him, still longs for him.

The adrenaline I’ve been running off of for the last three days has finally hit its absolute last leg and I find myself curling into Ward’s side again. He puts his arms me and scoots down lower against the wall and I curl into his chest. My eyes weighs a ton and I can’t keep them open any longer. I can feel the disapproving looks from everyone in the van but I can’t bring myself to care. I’m just too tired. Ward kisses the top of my head and I bury it even deeper into his chest. My mind is finally at ease and I feel safer than I have in years. I love him, so sue me, but let me sleep first.


	8. Chapter 8

Ward shook me awake and I tried to shrug him off. If I’d have known that his chest was this nice of a pillow, I would have started sleeping on him a lot sooner. He shakes me again and again I try to resist fully waking up and cuddle against his chest more. His calm heartbeat the best lullaby I’ve ever heard.

“Skye, wake up, it’s important.” Ward breaks through my sleep and my eyes open slowly.

“It better be,” I say annoyed. Ward sits us back up into a more proper sitting position. I couldn’t have been asleep for more than 45 minutes because I still only see empty two-lane road out the back of the van.

I look around and I see Coulson picking his ICER out of his suit jacket. I know what’s happening. Ward’s going to be sedated again before we get to the hotel and most likely have him restrained to a chair or something for the remainder of the night. Pointless in my opinion but I know nobody wants to hear what I have to say on the matter.

Ward removes his arms from my lower back and again I miss his warmth. I just really want to lie with him for the rest of the night and sleep. I don’t care how anyone else feels about it, I know he won’t hurt me, the opposite really, he’ll keep safe by whatever means necessary. I don’t like that he’d kill for me without hesitation, but if the situation was reversed, I don’t know if I’d be able to keep my hand off the trigger.

I lay my back against the wall of the van and I must’ve looked pissed because Coulson shot me one of his sympathetic glances before shooting Ward in the chest again. His eyes shut themselves tightly from the pain of the shot, but after that his body relaxes. He slumps against the wall of the van again. I curse myself for wanting to lie down next to him again, if anything share in his peace.

“He needs help.” I say as I keep my eyes on his sleeping face, refusing to look at Coulson as I hear him put the ICER back in his holster.

“He needs a small dark cell.” Trip says bitterly and my eyes light with fire at his remark.

“You don’t know what was done to him! You have no idea what he’s been through! You weren’t there!” I screamed at him. I wanted nothing more than for Grant to wake up and bust us both out of here. I know I’m not in danger, but I don’t like being treated like a freaking lovesick idiot.

“You’re right, he wasn’t there. None of us were and you ran out halfcocked without a plan. What were you going to do? Were you going talk him down? Bat your eyes, maybe see if you popped a couple of buttons he’d change his mind?” May spat furiously at me. I wanted to argue but I knew she was right. I ran out on them hoping I could change his mind. I still don’t know if I have, or if I’m just prolonging the inevitable and he’s just going to use me to kill everyone and then take me straight to Garrett.

“Skye, we get you care about him. We get he cares about you. We just need to know if he’s going to be more trouble than he’s worth.” Coulson said plainly. I knew what he was getting at. He wanted to know if the dangers of keeping Ward prisoner outweighed what he knew of HYDRA operations.

“No,” I lied. The truth was he was the same thing to Garrett that he was to Coulson tactically: a specialist. He was a human weapon. Refined from years of only caring about himself and what little of his soul he could keep intact. Ward probably didn’t know any more about HYDRA’s plans than any other grunt. The only advantage he could give us was the small hope that Garrett might want to talk about a trade, hell that might be how we get the Bus back. Garrett might feel some kind of loyalty to Ward and risk a rescue mission.

“What happened while you were on the Bus?” Jemma spoke up. I guess her curiosity is well placed. I’ve spent over 24 hours alone with a murdering psychopath.

“He told me specialists don’t spend time with a lot of people, and the ones they do, are all cut from the same cloth.” I started. I didn’t want to tell them everything that went down between me and him on the plane, especially what happened in the lab. I don’t want Jemma throwing up when she realizes what me and Ward were doing to her precious lab table.

“At first, I thought Ward was just keeping up the act. He made me food, tried to get me to sleep a little, he even cracked a smile once in a while.” I went through the events leading up to his breakdown, all the way to him packing weapons in the armory, even us stealing Lola. Coulson looked particularly dreadful when I told him we left her in a diner parking lot where anyone could steal her.

May kept a somber expression as I talked about these things. Trip listened with disinterest, almost like he was waiting for the “and he raised a gun to my head and said act like a veritable Juliet in this sick twisted tale or I’ll blow your brains out,” but I never gave it to him. Simmons tried to crack a small smile whenever I told her about the diner. Coulson was the one that worried me most, he was normally so entrenched in the details of any debriefing we normally have to remind him to breathe, but now he was just sitting quietly, listening to every detail with rapt interest and no desire to interject.

When I got to Thom, though, that was when Coulson’s eyes reflected his true interest. I knew what they really wanted to know: Was Thom really sent by Garrett or was a plant from the beginning? Was Thom simply a means to solidify Ward’s cover and get me to decrypt the drive without as much fuss? I thought those same things when I was strapped to the chair. But I knew something that Coulson didn’t: Ward loves me. I don’t know if he’s crazy, if I’m crazy, if we’re both crazy, but I do know this: Ward won’t let anyone lay a finger on me. When Thom put that gun to my head I was convinced Ward would’ve put a bullet in his head right then and there. I wanted him to, which is what scared me. I guess this is what they say about love. It brings out the worse in us and also probably the best in us.

The only question that comes to my mind when I think about it is: is it bringing out the best in Ward, or the worse in me?


	9. Chapter 9

The hotel wasn’t anything nice. Simple rooms and amenities. The pool was a plus, never got much time with one of them. The patio by the doors seemed nicer than I thought they would considering the hotel is on the outskirts of LA. I guess Coulson rented the whole thing out considering there wasn’t anyone for miles.

Trip and Coulson are sharing a pair of conjoined rooms with Fitz and Simmons. Coulson has me and Ward bunking with May. I assume that’s so May can keep an eye on Ward, but I know better. She’s keeping an eye on me. She and Coulson aren’t idiots. They both know that if Ward wanted to leave, he would’ve never gotten caught in the first place. No, they’re keeping an eye on me to see if I do anything stupid. I can’t say that I blame them, hell I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in the last day alone. I’ve had sex with the enemy, I’ve fallen asleep like three times in the embrace of a murdering psycho. The only thing that scares me about all of that, is that I enjoyed having sex with him, I found comfort and warmth and security in his embrace. When he takes me in his arms and I breathe in his scent, all I feel is safety. Sleep just overtakes me when he lays us down and my head finds its way to his chest, listening to the soothing monotone of his heartbeat.

Everyone starts filing out of the van. Ward’s starting to come around and I shake him lightly to wake him up. He shocks awake and clambers around the inside of the van for a few seconds before he calms down. Does he always wake up like this? Is he always waiting for someone to attack him in his sleep? I can’t suppress the building pool of sadness at the thought. He acts like a caged animal, only brought out when needed. I don’t blame him for acting the way he does. I don’t think I’d be any different if I was treated that way for so many years.

Ward and I get out of the van and walk with Coulson to the room we’re going to be sleeping in for the night. A full night’s sleep sounds too good to be true right now. As soon as I see Coulson hand May the keycard to the door he leans in and whispers something in her ear. I’m pretty certain it goes like: “If he gets too violent or breaks his restraints you have full permission to go ninja on his ass.”

May lets us into the room and I see it’s another set of conjoined rooms. She doesn’t say a word when she takes a knife out of her pocket and cuts Wards restraints.

“I’m a little surprised you kept them on this long.” Is all she says before she walks through the door to her room and I hear her lock it from the other side. Is she trusting me to be alone with him or is she just wanting an excuse to kick his ass?

“I’m a little surprised they’re being so nice.” Ward finally says.

“Yeah, I’m surprised Coulson hasn’t walked in to ICE you again.” I say bitterly as I go to sit on the bed. The mattress is crap but it’s the comfiest thing I’ve sat on in over twelve hours. I can already feel exhaustion settling in once again.

Ward sits next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I lean into him and close my eyes. I don’t know why I always feel uneasy when the thoughts of what the others are going to do him settle in my mind, but I do. Have I really fallen into a Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie right now?

“You should sleep, I know you’re tired.” Ward says as he stands from the bed. I stand and start removing my boots and jeans before starting on my shirt. I wish Coulson at least went back to the diner so we could’ve grabbed the duffel out of Lola’s trunk. I had some sleepwear in there. It’s Ward so I know he’s seen me in less than a bra and underwear.

“You should sleep too. It would probably be better for you when you’re not sedated.” I reason. I pull the covers back on the bed and slide in while I hear him fumble with his clothing.

I feel the bed dip as he slips in and slides close to me. I turn around and snuggle in towards his chest. He wraps his arms around me and my chest gets the same heated feeling it gets whenever I feel his touch. I bury my face as deep into his chest as I can and let his steady heartbeat lull me to the deepest sleep I’ve had in years.

No one can wake me up for at least a few hours and take me away from his embrace. I doubt I’ll want out of it though, but that doesn’t bother me. I feel safe, protected. I want to lie here for as long as I possibly can and then lie here longer. He tightens his hold on me and my body feels like its melting into his. He plants a kiss in my hair and a smile ghosts across my face. The war between my brain and my heart seems to be at a standstill right now, both just too tired to care about the people he’s killed and the lies he’s spread in Garrett’s name.

I feel his body lose its normal tension as sleep must’ve overtaken him. Aside from the ICER’s he’s probably been running for three days straight. His arms pull me even closer to him if that’s even possible. His scent is so strong in my nose and his heartbeat incessant in my ears that sleep pulls me towards her with a vice grip. Who am I to deny the temptress what she wants?

My sleep is dreamless and deep, my body cocooned in his arms. His soft breath hitting my hair is the only indication that I’m not just wrapped in a security blanket. I’m surprised I don’t feel May or Coulson’s eyes staring holes into us. I don’t know why they left me alone with him. He could kill me in an instant and I’m not the only who believes he wouldn’t hesitate if he deemed he a threat. I am the only one who knows that I’m the last one he become violent towards.

The sun must’ve risen because I feel a heat begin to hit the back of my head. The one thing I don’t miss about LA is the incessant heat of the sun, it’s great for a tan but awful if you want to sleep. I pull the covers up over my head and snuggle as close to Ward as I possibly can. His arms loosened on me during the night and I feel them regain their tension across my upper back.

“What’s wrong?” I hear him ask sleepily.

“Just the sunlight. Go back to sleep.” I reply.

I don’t have time to register his intentions before Ward spins me from the window side of the bed to the side that faces the bathroom vanity. His broad torso blocks the light from the windows.

“Better?” He asks as he plants a kiss on my forehead. I smile at the gesture.

“Much.” I answer as I feel sleep begin to take me once again.

It must’ve been another two or three hours before I hear the door open and Ward’s arms tense around me automatically. If his arms were any tighter around me I would’ve been suffocating.

“Skye, Ward, wake up.” I hear Coulson say plainly as I hear a bag hit the chair by the window. I groaned when I felt Ward move his arms from my back and started to get out of the bed. The sunlight was shining brightly through the window of the room and my eyes squinted from the incessant glare the window panes produced.

My body feels cold at the lack of Ward’s touch. I’m still surprised that he has that effect on me after everything. I feel safe when he’s near but I feel better when I’m wrapped in his arms. I must be insane because I know the same man I want to hold me and protect me is the same one that helped destroy the only family I’ve ever had. I should hate him. I should want to kill him. Every time I think about it though, my heart hurts and my stomach twists. I should hate him but I crave his presence and comfort all the same.

Ward opens the bag and pulls out some clothes, Coulson and May must’ve gone shopping early this morning. I’m surprised the first time I woke up I didn’t see May pointing a gun at the back of Ward’s head. She probably wouldn’t have used a gun though, if anything she would’ve snapped his neck quick and clean without even waking me up. I shudder at that thought.

I get out of bed and make my way towards the bag and fish out some clothes. A pair of jeans and a simple blouse. Ward pulled out some jeans and a new t-shirt. I didn’t want him to put the shirt on though, his upper body was very nice to look at. I can’t help the little jolt I get between my legs as he pulls the shirt over his head and his abs involuntarily flex before me. I quickly pull on the shirt and pants before I buckle my boots back on.

When we walk outside I see May holding an ICER and Trip holding a pair of actual handcuffs, a step up from the zip ties. I still think it’s pointless to put restraints on Ward and I still feel anger pool within my core. Ward offers his wrists voluntarily and I must’ve had a smartass smirk on my face because I received another one of May’s infamous “I can kill both of you in the blink of an eye” glares. The cuffs latched with their audible clanking forcing Ward’s arms behind his back.

We walk towards the patio table where Coulson sat and I take a seat next to Ward. I want to grab his hand but I know the gesture will probably get me an ICER to the chest and Ward a more violent interrogation while I’m out.

“Ward, I’m gonna be frank, no matter how this plays out in the next few minutes, you’re screwed beyond your imagination.” Coulson states blatantly.

“I know, Sir. I expect nothing less.” Ward replies with his standard robotic expression and monotonous voice.

“I have one question, why turn on HYDRA now? It’s clear that you’ve been loyal to them for a long time, why turn now? What could have possibly happened to make you question your loyalty?” Coulson inquired. I’m pretty sure I’m only one who caught the flash in Ward’s eyes as his throat locked up tight.

“I wasn’t loyal to HYDRA. I was loyal to Garrett. The man was a like a father to me. When the rest of the world gave up on me he was there, offering me a chance. I know none of you here understand what it’s like to spend your entire life being treated like crap and the only opinion people have of you is that you’re a weak and scared little boy.

“Garrett offered to make me a man. He wanted to make me strong. He had me accept the offer to be on your team to learn how you came back from the dead. It was supposed to be a simple undercover assignment. It certainly wasn’t supposed to last as long as it did. I certainly wasn’t supposed to start-“ Ward locked up and looked away from everybody.

“You weren’t supposed to start what, Ward?” Coulson pressed, he was obviously losing his patience on the matter, I wasn’t too surprised, he was extremely protective of the team.

“Ward, what happened?” May pushed, she and Coulson were starting to get irritated at Ward’s lack of answers.

Ward shot up from the table and walked off. May raised her ICER ready to shoot him in the back. “Let me talk to him, he’s not so nervous around me.” I talk May down and she lowers her gun hesitantly. Coulson shoots me a disapproving look and Trip looks ready to cuff me too. Fitz and Simmons don’t say a word and just share a frightened look. I shrug them all off and walk towards Ward.

“Grant,” I say slowly. I don’t know how fragile he is right now, but I understand he won’t hurt me. He’s staring into space right now, his eyes have darken considerably and his brow is furrowed more so than I have ever seen.

He turns to look at me and I have to suppress a shudder. His face is so blank, void of emotion that I can’t help but feel a little scared. I know he’s just compartmentalizing his responses right now, but that’s not going to help us stop HYDRA.

“You know what I wasn’t supposed to do?” He asks rhetorically. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love. You were a variable. My job was to eliminate the variables and make the decisions necessary to get the job done. If I was given the kill order week one, I would’ve done it no questions asked.” Ward explains. I wince at the thought of him mercilessly killing everybody without a second thought.

He took a step towards me and my face must’ve lost a little color because he flinched and stepped back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

“No, no, I-understand. Your job is to eliminate variables and I must’ve become a big one the longer I was around.” I tried to reassure him that he didn’t just make me question everything I felt in the last day and a half. I knew I wasn’t part of the plan but hearing him say he could’ve killed me week one and not feel anything still hurt. I don’t know the extent of what Garrett did to Ward as the years went by. Did the abuse stop? Was Ward treated like a son for the first time in his life? I knew how it felt to feel alone. I know how it feels to have someone treat you like family, like you belong with them. Maybe that’s why we’re attracted to each other.

Sure, in the beginning it was just sexual tension. He was tall, dark, and handsome. His voice would get low and gravelly whenever he was growing tired or frustrated with me. He told me I was a beautiful woman and I couldn’t help the little jolt of electricity that flowed through me whenever he laid his eyes on me in that interrogation room.

“My job, was to earn their trust. I was supposed to figure out how Coulson is alive and have the same treatment done to Garrett. I wasn’t supposed to start caring about what happens to any of you. I jumped out of the plane after Simmons because I knew it would cement my loyalty to the team. I fought like hell in every battle because you all needed to see me as the perfect little soldier boy.” Ward took a step closer to me and lightly caressed my cheek in his calloused hand.

“You were different though, every wall I had up to protect myself you knocked down like it was nothing.” You did the same to me. “Every time I thought I had you figured out you would do something that either surprised or scared the hell out of me.” Again, you did the same to me. “The more time I spent with you the more I dreaded the eventuality that this would happen. I knew my mission from the start and the possible outcomes. I knew in the end, all of them would hate me, and most likely they would all be dead.” His fingers wound in my hair and I found the gesture comforting, I wanted to lean in closer and kiss him, but I knew that would only lead to one or both of us getting ICEd.

“It wasn’t until I figured out that I was gonna have to kill you that I started questioning things. I couldn’t kill you. I can’t stand to see you hurt but I know better than anyone that I’ve probably hurt you in the worst way possible. All you wanted was a family, and I took that from you. I helped to destroy your whole world.” I saw a flash of pain go through Ward’s eyes. He feels guilty, but I can’t help the pool of anger that brews inside me at the mention of all he’s done. I’m torn between wanting to kiss him and hug him, and wanting to shooting him in the heart.

“My family’s here.” I tell him truthfully. I was grateful to S.H.I.E.L.D. for all they’ve done to protect me sure, but my family was sitting at that patio table wanting to shoot the same man I don’t know I love or not. I don’t know whether to be angry at Ward for what he’s done, or be angry at Coulson for wanting to kill Ward.

Ward took the cuffs off of his wrist. No shock there, I knew May and Trip were just kidding themselves for trying to restrain him. Ward cupped my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly. If I wasn’t so sensitive to his touch, the brief connecting of our lips would’ve been missed entirely. I kissed him back with fervor, I didn’t know why he always had this effect on me, but right now I didn’t care about that or that everyone was at the table behind us watching the entire thing.

When our lips parted after oxygen became necessary I wrapped him in a hug and buried my face in his chest. I was scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen to him but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. Maybe if I’m lucky Coulson will put him on a tracking bracelet like he did me after the Rising Tied incident in China.

“Skye,” I heard Coulson’s voice over the soothing monotone of Ward’s heartbeat. I knew Ward must’ve been freaking out but the Specialist training in him must’ve allowed him to control his heartbeat.

“Skye, you need to give us a few minutes alone.” I tightened my grip on Ward and tried to bury my face even further into his chest. Ward pried me from his body and I instantly felt cold without his touch despite the hot LA weather.

I averted my gaze from Coulson knowing I couldn’t keep the malice shining through them at bay. I stalked back to the table and slumped in the seat. I don’t why I’m angry. I shouldn’t care what happens to Ward, I shouldn’t be weak in the knees whenever he kisses me, and I definitely shouldn’t be so clingy or protective of him. He’s a murderer, a terrorist, hell I’m pretty sure he’d kill every one of us just to save his own ass.

Everyone but me. I’m the only that feels safe whenever he’s around. I’m the only one that takes comfort in his touch. I’m the only one that can be whisked away to the most blissful sleep I’ve ever known whenever I’m wrapped in his arms and listening to the soft rhythm of his heart and breathing. I shouldn’t feel any of these things. I shouldn’t crave his touch or his affection. I shouldn’t feel safe in his arms. I should want to kill him just as badly as the others do, but every time that I try to think about it I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Love thou art a fickle bitch.


	10. Chapter 10

I was staring at the conversation between Coulson and Ward intently. I couldn’t hear anything that they were saying but I was certain it wasn’t good considering the facial expressions that Coulson kept sending towards Ward. I couldn’t help the pool of anger that kept brewing in me whenever Coulson would grab Ward just a little too roughly for my taste. I knew of the abuse he suffered, so did Garrett, but nobody else. Nobody knew how good of an actor he was whenever somebody would get a little too rough with him and he would hold the fear and anger inside, bury it, and never let it out.

“You know you can’t protect him.” May said as I turned my gaze away from them.

“I know, I shouldn’t even care.” I told her with my eyes glued to the table.

“We don’t choose to care. We can only choose whether someone’s worth it. Is he?” May said as she placed a tentative hand over mine.

I wanted to say “no.” My brain wanted to say no. I knew with every logical fiber of my being he’s well beyond any help we could give him, but my heart screams “yes.” I don’t know which to listen to. I know Ward cares about me, but I also know that it won’t take much convincing from Garrett to make Ward turn on us again.

I shuddered as the many ways of killing Garrett filter through my mind. I don’t why I was becoming more violent, or why AC was suddenly becoming more irritable. AC, I haven’t called him that in a while. Why haven’t I? I’m ripped by my thoughts at the sudden burning sensation on my hand.

I jerk my hand from May’s grasp and try to soothe the ache. What just happened? Why was my hand burning? It never burned when Grant touched me. Trip placed his hand on my shoulder with a look of concern etched across his face. My shoulder burned, I still don’t know what’s happening. I wretch myself from his grasp and I storm off from the table. I was freaking out. I walked over to Ward and Coulson, AC, I mean.

“-It’s located in Missouri. You’ll find files that will tell you all you need to know.” I hear Ward say as he forces Coulson’s hand down from the pointing accusation. I don’t know why I want to slap that hand down as hard as I can and force Coulson away from Ward.

Coulson looks haggard, angry. The blue eyes that showed a fatherly love towards me where now deep oceans of anger and confusion. I guess it’s warranted though, S.H.I.E.L.D. was his whole life and we were talking to the man that helped to destroy it. I should be just as angry he is and want to bury Ward in the grave he dug himself. I don’t want to bury him though, I want him to hold me and kiss me, and run his hands through my hair. Everyone else’s touch burns me but his sends me comfort and love and security.

“Skye, tell May to get the jet prepped and have Fitz and Trip check the gear. We’re going to Saint Charles, Missouri.” Coulson ordered as he started walking back to his room at a breakneck pace.

I turn my attention back to Ward to see him staring off into space again. I take his hand in mine and it doesn’t burn, just like I thought it wouldn’t. I don’t know why his touch is the only one that doesn’t cause me any pain, but I don’t care as he wraps me in his arms again and plants a kiss in my hair. I would stay like this forever if I could, just be showered by his affections. His hand starts rubbing a pattern across my lower back and I feel a warm sensation wash over me. My head melts into his chest and I feel my legs getting weak. If he carried me back to the bed in our room and laid us down I don’t know if I’d be able to stay awake.

Why does he effect on me? Why does everyone else’s touch hurt but his soothe? Why can’t I go longer than a few hours without his touch? This never happened before I kissed him. I never had these sensations. Sure, I had feelings for a little while, but I never had this, _addiction,_ to his touch. It’s like every time he holds me I get this feeling of warmth and security. I just want to sleep in his arms and leave everyone else behind.

He tilts my head up and looks me in the eye, I still get weak-kneed whenever I realize just how tall he is. I’m not short, I stand about as tall as Coulson, but Ward is just so tall. I plant a heavy kiss on his lips and try to force my tongue through his lips. How did he have this effect on me?

I didn’t care about the fact that everyone was in Coulson’s room and gearing up for whatever it is we’re doing in Missouri, I just needed Ward right now. I grabbed his shirt and started tugging him towards the room we slept in earlier. I fumbled with the key in my pocket as I refused to let my lips leave his. I managed to open the door and dragged him inside.

I threw him against the closed door with strength I didn’t know I had. He must’ve lost a few pounds, the stress did seem to be getting to him. I grab the hem of his shirt and start forcing it up his torso. As soon as he shed the shirt he was wearing I was grabbing at his abdomen and pulling him as close to my body as I could.

I shrugged off my shirt and his hands went to work on the clasp of my bra. I was moaning into his mouth. My body was so responsive to his touch I couldn’t believe I was able to go through training and not jump his bones at some point. He throws the bra onto the table and cups one of my breasts in his hand. I gasp at the contact.

His lips start trailing down my jaw line and onto my neck. My nerves start ringing at his slightest touch, now they’re on fire. His lips find my pulse point and the gentleness he normally has with me is gone. He bites and tugs at the sensitive spot on my neck and I can’t suppress the guttural moan that escapes my lips.

I start trying to wriggle us out of our pants and get closer to the bed but Grant’s ahead of me. He grips my ass tightly and pulls me up towards his face where he assaults my lips once more. I automatically wrap my legs around him and he walks us to the bed where he literally throws me down on the mattress. My sex is clenching almost painfully at the anticipation of what he’s got planned for me.

This is a side of Grant I could get used to: angry, ready, needing me to fulfill the desire I could see making itself obvious in his pants. He sets to work quickly on undoing my jeans and pulling them down with my underwear at the same time. I’m falling apart at the seams as Grant works me over like an animal. I lift myself up from the bed and lace my arms tightly around his neck and shove my tongue in his mouth and kick his tongue’s ass. This wasn’t lovemaking, this was primal. I wanted sex and the closest attractive male was Ward.

This was a lie I tried to tell myself as he wrapped his mouth around a stiff nipple and sucked hard and lightly teethed it. My back arched and liquid heat was pooling at my core. His other hand roughly caressed my other breast and my eyes struggled to stay open. He stopped his menstruations and started kissing along my abdomen to where I really needed him.

He started with his tongue, that damn velvet tongue that I might’ve ripped out of him at an earlier point but now want to put on a pedestal and give it an award. He was licking my clit savagely and shoving two fingers into my core. My body is squirming from his attentions and I’m focused on nothing but the myriad of sensations that are rippling through me. After a few more seconds of his work and my brain wipes blank as my first orgasm ripples through me and I’m screaming out his name. I don’t care that May or Coulson can hear us, I care even less whether anyone else can for that matter.

I grab him by the shoulders and drag him up to my mouth and I kiss him with nothing but carnal hunger. I wrap my legs around his torso and flip him over. I start kissing my way down his chiseled face and neck making sure to spend some time roughly sucking on his pulse point. I can feel his package throbbing in his jeans and I start trailing my lips down his torso taking adequate time to admire his abs.

I make quick work of his belt and boxers and I see him in all his glory. He’s beautiful at this angle and I can’t stop myself from unconsciously licking my lips. I grip his firm erection in my hand and I pump furiously, getting myself off to the grunts and groans he makes as his fists tightly clench the bed sheets.

“Skye,” he breathes out huskily. “If you don’t stop that, we’re not gonna get too far with this.”

I don’t need telling twice as I slowly lift myself up to his face, making sure to rub the head of his erection across the skin of my bare stomach until it hit where it needed to be. I didn’t waste any time in savoring it, I impaled myself on him and forgot the rest of the world for a few minutes. There nothing but Grant’s touch, his words, and his scent.

I pumped like a woman possessed and buried my head into the crook of his neck to stifle the moans that were trying to escape my throat. I was close, so was Grant as he pulled my face towards his and assaulted my lips once again. I was moaning into his mouth loudly and my mind was incoherent. I couldn’t form a thought if I wanted to. We came together and I bit down on Ward’s lips roughly. I tasted the sweet metallic taste of blood and rode out my orgasm for as long as I could.

Spent, I laid my head on Ward’s chest and closed my exhausted eyes. I wanted to sleep now, I wanted to just lie here with Grant and rest. The taste of his blood was still in my mouth and I could feel my core starting to ache with want again. This isn’t right, I should feel bad for making him bleed, not turned on.

Ward lifted us off of the bed and set me onto my feet. I was unsteady and Ward put his hands on my shoulders to keep me stable. I couldn’t stifle the laughter that escaped me as I leaned my head into Grant’s chest. We dressed silently and stood at the door. I was debating whether it was safe to go out there or not. I know May and Coulson heard us, Fitz and Simmons might have. Trip’s a specialist so no doubt he heard. Ward turned around from the door and his eyes were shining with an emotion I wasn’t used to seeing directed at me.

“I love you.” Ward said as he planted a kiss to the top of my head.

“I love you too.” I said sheepishly. My eyes shot wide as I thought about what I said. I can’t love him. He’s going to go jail and I’m never gonna see him again, that’s the truth, I can’t love him. Tears were threatening to start spilling from my eyes as he wrapped me in his arms.

The tears started falling silently and I had to fight my body to control the shaking. He’s a murderer and I’m in love with him. Just my luck, the one person I want to be with above everyone else, is a murdering psychopath that’s going to be sent to jail after HYDRA’s dealt with. I shouldn’t care what happens to him. I shouldn’t want to hurt anyone that tries to take him away.

What’s happening to me? Is the stress of everything finally starting to get to me or was I always this possessive? Coulson was different too. I leave it to the stress, but I know Coulson can handle most anything. Something’s happening to us and I’m scared of what it’s doing to me. I’m clingy to Ward like an obsessive girlfriend and Coulson’s losing his temper more often. I think Simmons needs to give us a look over.

Ward wipes my tears away and kisses my lips softly. “We need to see if they’re ready to go.” He says as he takes my hand we leave the room.

Coulson was standing outside the door with his arms crossed. He didn’t look happy. Ward was emotionless but he never released my hand. I didn’t want him too either. I craved his touch. It was a weakness I’ve never known. Everyone else’s touch burned, but Grant’s was soothing, comforting. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and never let me go.

“If you two are done, it’s time to go.” Coulson said deadpanned and walked away with a fervor to his step.

We walked to the van and May grabbed the ICER from her holster and turned to Ward. “Get in.” She said coldly.

As soon as we’re in the van I waste no time getting into Ward’s arms and laying my head on his chest. I needed his warmth right now, this was getting unbearable. May shot him in the forehead and whatever’s in the ICER bullets spread across the inside of his skin and Ward was forced into a nap. I figured if he was gonna sleep on the way to the landing strip, I could at least do the same. I was so tired all the time, like my body was always running on fumes. I’ve had plenty to eat, drink, but all I really wanted was to curl up into Grant’s arms and sleep forever. It seemed like a stupid idea, sleeping in the arms of a murderer who was probably just biding his time until they hand him a gun and then everyone around me is going to drop dead.

I didn’t care though, I was just too tired to care about what they thought of me or Grant. I was wrapped in his arms, they were curled around my body and I felt relief. I felt warm, safe, and protected from everyone. Their touches burned, caused pain, Grant’s brought warmth, pleasure, and comfort whenever I needed it.

The monotone of his heartbeat lulled me into a quick, deep sleep. My brain was finally at ease. I could still feel the collective stares of everyone in the van pardon Trip and Fitz who were busy being the driver and navigator respectively.

I’m guessing, but I assume Coulson was staring at Ward more than he was me. May was probably still hurt from her and Ward’s affair a while back. Simmons and Fitz are scared out of their minds, with very good reason. They’ve no doubt found Koenig’s body in Providence, it’s probably why they’re in LA.

Trip’s the oddball, I don’t know his stake in this. He trained with Garrett just the same as Ward. For all we knew, Trip was another sleeper agent who was with us just in case Ward failed. I don’t know Trip all that well so maybe the betrayal wouldn’t be so hurtful. He’s just a replacement for Ward. Coulson’s whole reason for even having Ward on this van and not putting a bullet between his eyes is the fact that we need someone with information on the location.

Ward has information that Coulson needs, but what happens when that river runs dry?


	11. Chapter 11

Ward started stirring as the ICER’s effects started wearing off. I kept my eyes closed and tried to bury my head further into his chest. Ward planted a light kiss on my forehead and slid down lower on the van floor, giving me a more comfortable position. I suppress a smile at his gentleness, he’s only ever been like this with me.

His fingers start threading through my hair and sleep is lulling me into her folds again. All of those nights in the van without sleep would’ve been more bearable if he was there to soothe me into the deep sleep he always sends me to.

The others were still glaring at us I’m sure, but I don’t care. I’m exhausted every time he holds me and I don’t know why. His hand is rubbing a soothing motion across my back now and I smile into his chest. He’s like a drug, I know he’s bad but I can’t help but be attracted to him. I crave his presence. I crave his touch. If he gave me a T-shirt that smelled like him I would wear it every day until his scent went away.

The van pulls to a stop at the airfield and everyone files out. Ward takes my hand and we walk briskly to the jet. Everyone has mixed reactions to the sight of our fingers laced together and for the life of me I couldn’t bring myself to care. I couldn’t even be angry, Ward’s touch just renders every emotion but content moot.

May takes the cockpit and I inwardly sigh with relief. We’ll at least have a decent take-off and landing. Trip may be a specialist like Ward, but he seriously lacks in the piloting department, maybe that’s something a specialist chooses an elective or something. The take-off is smooth and almost unnoticeable to me. Ward is tracing a pattern on the top of my hand with his thumb and a smile creeps upon my face at the gesture.

Ward leans in close to my head and whispers into my ear “You OK?” His voice sends a shiver down my spine and my heart picks up a few beats.

“Yeah, why?” I reply with confusion.

“You kind of rushed from the table at the hotel while talking to everyone. You looked a little freaked out.” He spoke with concern edging into his otherwise monotonous voice.

“We’ll talk about it later, when we’re alone.” I said. I didn’t want to talk about the burning I felt when May touched my hand. I was still trying to wrap my head around it. I didn’t understand what could cause their touch to start hurting now. Everyone’s had some form of skin contact with me and none of them burned until today. Ward never had such a hold on me before I was shot.

While I was resting in the bed after I was injected with the drug I knew everyone took turns watching over me. Fitz and Simmons would take the morning, Coulson in the afternoon, and May in the evening. But it was Ward who sat with me during the night, when I was sleeping. The nightmares plagued me above all else. I would walk into Quinn’s mansion and I would be shot, the shock must’ve been evident to my body because Ward would always cup my cheek whenever the nightmares started getting worse. The nightmare would soon end and I would be able to sleep peacefully if only for an hour or two.

There was only one night that Ward didn’t sit with me, the night after Lorelei tried to take over the Bus. I understood why, but I still missed him. The nightmares attacked my mind and I didn’t have him to comfort me. I wasn’t angry with him for skipping one night, but I missed that night all the same.

When I was free to start walking around the Bus the first thing I did was talk Ward into a game of Battleship. He was happy to indulge me. The game was quick, I won. I don’t know if he lets me win or if he really does try when we play, but the smile on his face makes it all worth it. That smile that seems to only be available to me. He never smiles at Simmons or Fitz or even May and he slept with her!

Ward kept rubbing that pattern on my hand and my eyes started to feel heavy. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and he pressed a kiss into my hair. I want to curl into his arms and go back to sleep but I know it would be a bad idea to do it on the jet. Coulson had his stare fixed on Ward and it wasn’t a happy one. I don’t even think Coulson likes the idea of him being alive right now. If Ward just dropped dead I don’t think Coulson would even care. I’d probably ball my eyes out for no good reason. I should hate Ward, I should want to kill him myself. Every time I try to think about it my stomach knots and my heart hurts.

“Ward, what kind of opposition are we looking at when we get to the base?” I hear Trip speak up.

“We’re talking at least 20 foot mobiles packing level 5 armaments and no moral compass. The building is three levels tall with a server room on the ground floor near the back. After the guards you’re looking at about 50 scientists and a 10 person Elite Guard. If you haven’t wasted your ICER rounds on me to keep me from finding out about the hotel in LA located 100 miles from the landing strip, you would have a better chance at getting inside without needing to use so much force.” Ward surprised me with how much he could learn with just looking at a few street signs and judging how long he’s been asleep. I shouldn’t be surprised by that, but I still am.

Everyone turned and look at Ward with the same amount of unregistered shock that I had. Coulson looked more disappointed than anything. He thought he was being careful by sedating him whenever they moved from one location to the next. Trip didn’t look shocked, more like Ward confirmed whatever theories must’ve been going through Trip’s mind.

“Personally, I would use live rounds but I know better than to ask that of any of you. Trip and May should take the foot mobiles on the perimeter. Coulson should guard Fitz and Simmons from whatever vehicle we commandeer before the mission. Skye and I will go straight to the server room so she can download whatever files are available at the location.” The tactical genius we’ve all known Ward to be was coming out. I know better than to question the placements of the team. Ward was better at scrambling units than anyone gives him credit for.

“When we get there. You let me do the talking. This base is so far out of regular comm. chatter that they won’t I defected. I should be able to just walk in and take Skye to the server room without a problem. The rest of you need to stay hidden and only take out targets that can’t be seen.” Ward finished explaining the plan.

The familiar drop in my stomach told me we were descending. We’ve arrived and now we’re simply going to be looking for a non-descript vehicle. The descent is smooth and I wasn’t able to know that we’ve hit ground until we get the tell-tale stop of the jet completely. The ramp drops and we all begin to file out.

Ward has a death grip on my hand but I don’t feel any pain from it. I should but I don’t. We’re walking away from everyone else. I forgot that Ward knows the town we’re in and could probably find a car a lot faster without being hampered down by Coulson and the others.

“Hold, Ward.” I hear Coulson say and as I turn around I notice that he’s got a gun out. Not an ICER, a real gun, with real bullets. He was aiming it directly at the back of Ward’s head but Ward didn’t even flinch, he didn’t even turn around.

“I move faster on my own, Coulson. You should know that by now. The rest of you need to make sure no one can find the jet and check your gear. We’ll be back in an hour or so.” Ward says without turning around.

“Why don’t you leave Skye here? Give us a reason to think you’ll come back.” Coulson bargains with him. I’m not leaving Ward right now, but I don’t know how Coulson thinks I’m any leverage to Ward.

“Skye’s safer with me. I’m sorry, Sir, but you don’t seem to be exactly too stable right now and I don’t want any reason to be concerned. The people at that base know me and I can’t make an appearance with any of you. Skye’s a blank face, she can walk with me to get a vehicle and not cause a problem. The entire town’s filled with HYDRA. The airfield is scanned every three hours. We’ll be back in 90 minutes. You have to trust me Coulson.”

I think I heard Coulson scoff for the first time in my life. He pulls the hammer back on the gun and is prepared to shoot in the head. Even if Coulson demands I stay with the team, I’m afraid I’ll just go with Ward.

“I don’t trust you. But I don’t have a choice do I?” Coulson said as he lowered the gun.

“No, you don’t.” Ward said lowly and started walking again. His hand slipped out of mine and I missed the contact. I caught up to him and buried my hands into my pockets. I wanted to hold his hand again but not with everyone watching us. I’ve had enough of their glares.

The airfield was relatively close to Saint Charles so we only had to walk for about twenty minutes. The scenery was nice, green fields and little houses outside of the town. I don’t know what HYDRA’s doing here considering it doesn’t look like it has much for a population.

Ward was quiet the whole walk into town. I had slipped my hand back into his once we were on the sidewalk. I missed his touch. He looked at our hands but didn’t say a word. I kept expecting him to bring up he tried to get me to talk about on the plane but he never did.

We walked to a used car lot and I was pleasantly surprised he was looking to buy a vehicle instead of just hijack one. The lot wasn’t large, nor did it have a wide assortment of cars, but it had a couple of big vans. We walked into the office and were greeted with a modest looking office.

The salesman was middle-aged and had what looked to be a receding hairline worse off than Coulson’s. There were a couple of chairs in front of the oak desk and a stack of papers close to the computer monitor.

“Mr. Thamish, it’s been a while.” Ward greeted.

“Yes it has been, Mr. Ward. What do you need?” Mr. Thamish asked warily. I could already tell that he didn’t like Ward. I guess when you’re the boss’ prized soldier you’re hated by the commoners.

“I need the panel van out front. How much?” Ward replied as he pulled a wallet out of his back pocket. He pulled out a bank card that was in a language I didn’t recognize. Of course he has accounts, he’s a spy for Christ’s sake!

“Alright, let’s get you sorted out.” Mr Thamish sighed and opened a few windows on his computer. Bank sites and a card reading program. Ward handed over the card and Thamish swiped it through the card reader. Euros were converted to U.S. dollars on the screen while the money transferred over from some Swiss account to Thamish’s.

“All done, is there anything else I can do for you?” Thamish asked in a typical salesman’s tone.

“That should do it. The Clairvoyant doesn’t want any loose ends, are you gonna be a loose end?” Ward asked as he replaced the wallet in his pocket. I was convinced he was going to kill the guy.

“You were never here.” Thamish replied simply.

Ward put his arm around my shoulders and ushered me out of the office quickly. He opened the door to the black panel van outside and got in the driver’s seat. I got in the passenger side and Ward started the engine. The van rattled and sputtered as the engine cranked to life. Ward put it in gear and drove off the lot.

“Now that we have a minute, tell me what happened with you and the others at the hotel.” Ward said once we were on the road. I knew he would bring it up at some point.

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully.

“What did May do to make you flip out?” He asked concerned.

“She touched my hand, and it burned. Trip touched my shoulder, and it burned. You kiss me, and it doesn’t burn.” I answered.

“What’s so special about me? If anyone should invoke that kind of reaction it should be me.” Ward replied coldly.

“I don’t know why your touch doesn’t hurt. I know it should, but it just doesn’t! I don’t know why I crave it either! I don’t know why when you hold me I become exhausted and all I want to do is curl up in your arms and rest my head against your chest and just sleep! I don’t know why it happens!” I yelled as I slapped his arm as hard as I could.

“Simmons needs to look you over after the mission.” Ward said calmly.

“No,” I say lowly.

“Skye, this isn’t up for debate.” Ward argued. I knew I needed to talk to Simmons, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to sleep. Go back to the hotel, get in Grant’s arms, and just sleep.

Ward is quiet for the rest of the drive. I feel bad for yelling at him and slapping his arm. I pull my legs up into the seat and I wrap my arms around them. I want it to be Ward’s arms wrapped around me, but I know it won’t happen for a while. I don’t know why I feel bad about the things I said, he asked for the truth and I gave it to him.

But did I have to yell at him though? He was just concerned for me. It was sweet and I turned into a bitch. I should apologize. I should tell him I’m sorry and then he’ll hold me again. I’ll get to go to sleep with my head buried against his firm chest and his arms wrapped around me. I’ll be safe, warm, comforted.

Why did I just think that? I’ve never felt bad about yelling at him before, why now? What’s he doing to me? Why do I want him hold me so much? Why do I crave his touch? He’s a murderer I should hate him. I should want him dead. His touch should be the one to burn my skin not May’s or anyone else’s, it should be his. This town is run by HYDRA and they treat him like he’s a general. I guess they see me as a pet or something, though I can’t say I blame them, I follow him like a lost puppy and do everything I can to get some form of physical contact with him.

The worst part of it I’m discovering, is that I like it. The touches, the sex, the cradling me to his chest like I’m the most precious thing in the world, I fucking love it. I’m on cloud nine when he pleasures me and I’m the happiest girl in the world when he just holds me in his arms and gives me a tender kiss. And when he plays with my hair while I’m all snuggled up to him? My God, I just want him to do that right now.

We reach the airfield and it’s obvious that Coulson and the others are impatient as they quickly file into the van as soon as Ward and I get out. May takes the driver’s seat and Coulson takes the passenger. Ward and I get into the back with the others. The floor of the van is a little more cramped than I like with the duffels taking up pretty much the entire area.

Trip, Fitz, and Simmons are all filed against the right side of the van due to wanting to be as far away from Ward as they can. Its fine by me as it leaves me and Ward an entire third of the floor. I lightly push Ward down onto the floor of the van and lay on top of him with my head resting right at his heart.

“I’m sorry I yelled out you earlier, I know you’re just trying to help.” I apologized with a sincerity that couldn’t have been faked even if I wanted it to be. He kisses my forehead and puts his arm around my shoulders and presses me closer to him.

“It’s alright, I just get worried about you. You have nothing to apologize for.” He consoles me. His other hand starts tracing a pattern on my bare forearm and I smile contently as I find myself being lulled into sleep’s endearing embrace again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I always end a chapter with Skye going to sleep. I apologize if that's getting boring but that's really the best ending I can come up with at times.
> 
> Next chapter though, stuff gets dark, and intense. Not that kind of intense you perverts! Fair warning, if you have a weakness towards graphic descriptions of blood and violence, than the next chapter is not for you. I recommend not eating before reading, and having a trashcan nearby.


	12. Chapter 12

Ward lightly shook me awake and raised us back to a sitting position. I groaned inwardly when he unclasped his arms from my upper back. Ward was quick to open the duffel that contain the guns and vests and quickly suited up. I forgot how quickly he can go into soldier mode.

I clasped the clips around my sides as I adjusted the vest into place. I grabbed the smaller duffel containing all of my computer equipment and slung it around my shoulder. Ward starts holstering pistols and magazines into his tactical slots and I wonder what type of conditioning it takes for someone to go from being so soft and tender to full on foot soldier in seconds.

Everyone’s eying him as he preps the guns and rechecks his ammo. They’re all nervous, I can see it etched into their faces. Fitz is twiddling his thumbs and Simmons is meticulously taking inventory of the first aid duffel. Trip just goes about gearing up like Ward, I remember that Specialists are able to remove their emotions if need be, why would Trip be any different?

May and Coulson are quiet as the van nears a stop a few blocks away from the building. It looks like a standard three story office building in my opinion, but I know better than to assume it’s gonna be anywhere near like an ordinary office building. I see three guards stationed at the door and a team of two walking around the outside of the building.

Ward keeps a steady eye on the roof, probably checking for a sniper for something, I’m not sure. Trip is playing with his pistol and keeping watch of the guards walking around the building, timing their cycles. Fitz and Simmons are both twitching nervously in the corner of the van. May’s keeping her stone-like posture and emotionless face but I see her eyes scanning the building. Coulson keeps going back and forth between looking at Ward and the building, I guess he expects Ward to raise a gun to all our heads and escort us all inside to a cell or something.

“Ward, Skye, you’ll be on your own in there.” Coulson explained.

“I know, Sir. We shouldn’t be longer than 30 minutes.” Ward replied as he holstered the gun he prepped.

Ward opens the back door of the van and we get out. Ward takes a pair of handcuffs and cuffs my hands behind my back. He takes his gun back out and puts the cold barrel to the side of my head. I’m not scared, because I know he would never shoot me, but I have to act like it. The look on my face should sell it well enough I hope but there’s always the possibility that we deal with someone as good as Ward once we’re inside the building.

No one on the street looks surprised to see Ward walking with his gun pointed at me. I almost forgot that the entire town is run by HYDRA. I guess Ward must’ve brought prisoners here before he got assigned to Coulson’s team. The guards at the front gate snapped to attention upon the sight of Ward dragging me to the door.

“Agent Ward, Sir.” One of the guards greeted robotically. His hand snapped to a salute almost automatically.

“I need access to the server room. This one is going to be uploading some files that Garrett wants transferred over secure channels.” Ward explained as if he’s done this a hundred times.

“If it’s so important, than why not take her straight to Garrett and have her do the upload from there?” The guard questioned.

Ward moved the gun from my head and pointed it straight at the guard. Ward’s expression went from one of neutrality to malice really quick. The guard’s eyes widened as Ward pulled the hammer back on the pistol.

“Or maybe I could just shoot you in the head for defying my orders? I would like that a lot more wouldn’t you?” Ward said sinisterly. Chills ran up my spine as I remembered who exactly was holding me, it wasn’t Agent Grant Ward level 7 Specialist, it was Grant Ward HYDRA agent that I wouldn’t be surprised has a list of kills that rival a phonebook. Everyone’s afraid of him because of his lethality.

The guard quickly stepped aside and fished a key card out of his vest pocket. Ward took the card gingerly. “Thank you for your cooperation.” Ward said with a dark smile.

Ward walked me down a few hallways and every guard we passed had a terrified look on their face as Ward brushed past them. I guess I’d be scared too if the boss’ pride and joy walked down the hallways of a base in the middle of nowhere with no big secret project going on.

We reached the server room and Ward’s hand around my upper arm tensed. I turned my head to face him and he had a hard expression worn into his eyes. He took a pistol he had tucked away into the back of his jeans and handed it to me. I looked at it like it was poison in a bottle.

“I’ll signal you to start the download, but Skye, these people, they don’t understand non-lethal. As soon as that download starts some guards are going to investigate. I’ll keep them out as long as I can, but in the event someone gets in, they won’t take prisoners. Are you understanding what I’m telling you?”

Do I understand that you’re asking me to kill people? Yeah, I understand that perfectly. Am I going to able to though, I don’t know. Hell I never I thought I would be able to love a traitor. I never thought his touch would be the only one that doesn’t set my skin ablaze with pain. I guess killing people wouldn’t be that big a stretch for me, would it?

I nod slowly and open the door to the server room. Standard layout, a computer hub along with a bunch of hard drives and server towers all surrounded with giant air conditioners. There are standard data readings flashing across the screen atop the hub. Time for me to work my magic.

I take my laptop out of the duffel and hook it up to the main hub. I hit a few keys and start the hacking. The codes run across the screen at a speed that most would think gibberish, but I understand them perfectly. Firewall after firewall drop down and I start gaining access to the files. I pull out one of the tablets from the duffel and hook it up. I start the download of the mainframe and the files start copying over as I gain access to them.

I hear muffled words outside the door and I know one of the guards must be talking to Ward. No grunts or gunshots yet so I know no one’s getting too curious yet. I turn my attention back to the monitors and watch the file transfers continue as more firewalls are broken down.

The screens freeze after another minute and the big monitor above the hub turns off. I look around the room expecting to see someone pointing a gun at me, but the room was empty. The servers went down and the lights shut off. I grabbed the gun on the desk and backed up to the nearest wall. There still wasn’t any sound from outside and I was starting to get concerned.

The emergency lights in the server room blinked to life and I had better vision to the door, albeit everything is now coated in a heavy shade of red light. The door is still closed and there is no sound coming from the other side. I walk back over to the computers and look at the data that’s already downloaded. Entrance/Exit reports, lab equipment usage, medical reports of the staff… Centipede soldier experiments.

“This is a Centipede lab?!” I yell in a hushed whisper. Ward brought us to a town that could be wrought with Centipede soldiers. The others could be being held prisoner right now and I’ve been following Ward straight into a trap!

Tentatively, I opened one of the experiment files and browsed through it. I didn’t understand most of the medical mumbo-jumbo but there were things that made some sense: serum provides enhanced strength, subjects suffer reduced cognitive function due to optical implants, need Engineer and Bio-Chemist from Coulson’s team. Ward requests to handle the matter personally, feels that “if I have to betray them, at least let me have some time with her before I do.”

The last line brought tears to my eyes. The hot liquid started falling down my face in its classic droplets before I could stop them. Ward brought us here just so he can turn us over to Garrett. The only thing that he asked for was to have some time with me?

My blood was running hot through my veins, hotter than it ever has before. The tears were relentless as they poured down my face. My hands had started shaking as I started pouring through the research documents, all of them detailed encrypted conversations between Ward and Garrett. Some of them are years old, others are from a few months ago. A hateful one was sent from Ward after I was shot.

Begin Transmission

Ward – _Sir, you told me you didn’t want bloodshed. Why was Skye shot?_

Garrett – _She was a hacker who kept getting too close to figuring out Project Centipede. You should’ve told me that you had a thing for her, she is a looker. If this gets Coulson to find his Jesus Juice I’ll make sure she isn’t touched again, you have my word._

Ward – _Thank you, Sir._

End of Transmission

My blood was cooling, but the tears were insistent. Emotions were flowing through me faster than I could control them. I never heard the door open, never heard the footsteps get closer to me, but I did feel the butt of the gun make contact with the back of my head.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS GETS EXTREMELY DARK. FAIR WARNING. THERE IS A SCENE THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE MUCH FOR MORE SQUEAMISH VIEWERS.
> 
> A HINT, IT'S NOT SEX. IT INVOLVES A VERY DARK ACT THAT I KNOW WILL PROBABLY FREAK SOME VIEWERS OUT. I FREAKED OUT WHEN I WROTE IT.

My head was spinning and my vision swam for miles. The bump on the back of my head was throbbing painfully as I tried to look around the room. The lights were blinding, piercing through the slits of my eyelids. I tried to raise my hand to get a feel of the injury to the back of my head, but I couldn’t. My arms and legs were tied to the wooden chair I was in. I couldn’t move them apart from jerking my wrists against the rope that binds me to the chair.

I forced my eyes to open fully and I was greeted with a standard interrogation room. A table was in front of me along with another chair. I could see a one-way window to my left and the door to what must’ve been a hallway to my right.

The throbbing in my head was subsiding a little as I glanced around the room. The big panel light in the middle of the ceiling was still pouring in blinding white light, but maybe my eyes will adjust to where there isn’t as much glare around the room. The fact that the table and walls are made of reflective metal doesn’t help alleviate the blinding light.

I heard a buzzer by the door, someone’s going to come in. The door opened and Ward was thrust through. The guard keeps a death grip on Ward’s arm as he cuffs Ward to the pole sticking out of the middle of the table. Ward has a gash above his right eye, similar to the one on his cheek that is still slowly bleeding. His shirt is bloodstained and has a tear near his left shoulder. No bullet wounds so I know they wanted us alive. The question I have is: Did Ward tip them off, or did the download tell them we were here?

My thoughts drifted to Coulson and the others as the guard started tying Ward’s legs to the chair. If we were captured, did that mean Coulson and the others were as well? Did May and Trip take out the guards along the perimeter and are simply working their way through the building? I hoped so. I didn’t want to think what could happen to them if they’ve all been captured.

The guard turned from Ward and checks my bindings. I could’ve told him they were plenty tight enough and I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, but I doubted he would believe me. Once he was certain that I was secure, he turned and exited the room, leaving me and Ward to the excessive brightness of the light.

Ward struggled against his bindings adamantly before giving up. I kept my eyes trained on his every movement, waiting for him to say “Nothing personal,” but it never came out. Instead he focused his eyes on me and I felt him scour every inch of my body searching for injuries.

“How’s your head?” He asked haphazardly, almost like he expected me to start lashing at him. With how I’ve been feeling lately, I don’t think I could.

“I’ve got a massive headache, but otherwise I’m fine.” I told him truthfully. “What about you?”

“I’ve had worse.” He said tensely.

“What do we do?” I asked as I gave the room another quick scan. There weren’t any visible cameras, but I knew there had to be someone watching us through the glass.

“Follow my lead and let me do the talking.” He said quickly. Was he asking me to sit quietly while he gets interrogated? I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that. If they start hurting him anymore I’m afraid I’ll start spilling my guts just to get them to stop.

The door opened and it wasn’t a guard like I had been expecting. It was Raina. The psychotic crazy bitch that’s obsessed with evolution, I guess since Centipede’s actually HYDRA, it made perfect sense that she would be working for them.

She walked over to Ward and patted down his sides searching for hidden weapons, a little too happily in my opinion. Ward grimaced as her hand must’ve gone near his ribs or something, how many times have those been broken? I didn’t like seeing him in pain, I never did.

“I would say I’m surprised to see that Ward gave up HYDRA for you, but he always knew you were special, Skye.” Her voice was melancholy to my ears. _She should’ve been a singer,_ I mused to myself.

“Is there a reason you’re questioning us rather than Garrett?” I spat his name out with venom. I hated him for what he did to the team, but I was angry for what he did to Ward. “I mean, I did compromise his Golden Boy.”

“He’ll be on his way shortly, I wanted a chance to see what type of girl could undo fifteen years of conditioning and abusive reinforcement myself.” She said casually.

My skin felt like it was on fire. She wasn’t even touching me and I wanted to scream from the pain. Sweat was forming on my forehead and threatened to spill down my face. Raina walked over to me and her eyes bore into the side of my head. I struggled not to look at her. That sickly sweet smile was plastered on her face as she stared intently at the sweat that was gathering on my head.

“Are you a little nervous, _Skye_?” My name rolled off her tongue too casually for my taste. I kept my eyes fixed on the table and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

She placed a terrifyingly gentle hand on the left side of my head. The skin underneath her fingers was on fire. I failed to stifle the gasp of pain and the scrunching of my features. Ward saw this and struggled against his bindings again. The sweat that had been gathering atop my eyes drenched the front of my face now. Raina just kept looking at me with that sickeningly sweet smile as she watched my reaction.

“Does it hurt, Skye? When I touch you, do you feel heat, pain?” She asked methodically.

The pain in my head prevented me from answering. The heat was moving through my head and making my blood boil. My vision was narrowing. My hands were twitching against my bindings and I could feel my wrists slickening with blood as I rubbed the skin raw.

Her hand started moving around my head and all I wanted was to bite it off. The pain was horrendous now and my shoulders were visibly shaking from the strain I was putting on my bindings. Ward looked ready to snap Raina in half and I really wanted him to, for nothing more than to get the pain to stop.

“His touch doesn’t hurt you does it?” Raina asked as she looked over at Ward that was barely containing the malice in his eyes.

No, it doesn’t hurt. I wasn’t going to tell her that though. I still don’t understand what’s happening to me. One minute I’m exhausted the next I’m pissed and both feelings are remedied by wrapping myself in Ward’s arms.

What Raina did next was completely unexpected. She took a knife out from behind her back and cut the ropes from around my wrists and legs. I looked over at Ward and he didn’t show any expression of shock or confusion or anything that was clearly evident across my face.

I rubbed some circulation back into my wrists and winced when my fingers brushed against the raw skin. My skin still felt like it was on fire and my head was spinning.

Raina placed the knife on the table and stepped back, she was taunting me that much I knew. What I didn’t know was what she was expecting me to do. I wanted to pick up the knife and cut Ward free so he could get us out of here, but I knew that wouldn’t help anything. Despite my feelings, my brain get screaming that it wasn’t safe to trust him. I didn’t know what to do. He could be a defector from HYDRA, or he could just be playing me to get me to unlock that damn hard drive.

My thoughts kept drifting back to the blood on my wrists. My heart was starting to pound incessantly in my ears and my blood coursed through my veins with a white hot intensity. The light from the ceiling was glaring off of the knife’s blade. My hands were shaking feverishly.

I could almost hear the knife calling me. It was saying _use me, I know you want to. Don’t be weak, being weak got you shot, weakness leads to pain. You need to be strong to survive. She is trying to take him away from you. You need him, he keeps the pain away, he always keeps the pain away. The answer is clear: kill her and save him, he’s saved you enough. You owe him this._

The voice was dark, sultry, like a radio host. My hand was moving towards the knife of its own volition. My vision was narrowing upon the incessant glare of the blade. I couldn’t hear or see anyone else in the room. My throat was running dry and my limbs were going numb.

When my fingers brushed against the hilt of the knife I felt a surge of something, _dark._ I gripped the hilt more firmly and lifted the knife off the table. It felt like a brick in my hand, heavy and bulky despite the purpose of the weapon is to be small and lithe. My lips were quivering into a small smile as the feeling of having the knife in my hand was starting to feel euphoric. I looked into the blade’s reflection and saw my eyes. They weren’t the light brown they normally were. Instead, they were almost completely blackened, my pupils dilated heavily to the point of almost being demonic.

I turned around to Raina, she had an innocent smile on her face and her big eyes were staring at me in awe. She was mouthing something I couldn’t hear through the heartbeat in my ears. I could almost see the blood pumping through her skin. I was inching towards her slowly, like a stalker closing in on their prey. My mind was void of thoughts, impulses were the only things guiding me closer to Raina as my hand increased the pressure it had on the hilt of the knife.

Before I knew it I grabbed Raina by her short and hair and was plunging the knife into her stomach over and over. Blood was gushing from the openings I was making and covering my arm.

I followed her dead body to the floor and continued to senselessly bludgeon her lifeless corpse. Blood was still pouring from her wounds and I was entranced by its intricate beauty. Without thinking about it I dropped the knife to cold concrete floor and smeared the blood on my hand all over my arm.

My fingers were drenched in her blood from being so close to the wounds, I stared at the crimson liquid with an odd feeling of hunger. I put my fingers in my mouth and started sucking the blood off.

_Am I a vampire or something, why am I drinking her blood?_

I plunge my hands back into her stomach and start smearing the blood all over my skin. Every so often I’ll stop and lick the excess off of my fingers like an animal. By the time I have a thick sheen along my arms and neck Raina’s body is almost empty of blood.

_You need more, you need more._ I heard this mantra repeating in my head as I stared down at the body. Her stomach is almost drained yet my hunger is not fulfilled. I put my hand to her chest and the skin of my palm heats in response. I want more, I need more.

With a strength I didn’t know I possessed I ripped her sternum apart and let out what could only be described as an animalistic growl as the blood that was hidden from me starting flowing down the sides of her dress. I licked the blood that drenched my hands savoring the sweet metallic taste it left on my tongue.

I found the object of my hunger underneath the mangled bones and broken skin. The dead heart that I didn’t even think a person like her could possess. I wrapped my hand around the organ. The sensual feel of its flesh beneath my fingers stimulated the incessant hunger further.

I ripped the organ out of her chest cavity and proceeded to eat it with a wanton hunger. The flesh was decadent as I chewed it slowly, savoring the sweet taste from the flesh that mixed with the metallic of the blood.

_Feed, taste the exquisite flesh that you have denied yourself your whole life._

My body felt heavy as I finish off the last scraps of the heart and licked the blood off of my fingers. I tried to stand but my legs were numb. I forced myself up despite my body’s protests. I picked the knife back up and walked over to Ward’s chair.

I cut the ropes around his wrists and calves. When Ward didn’t stand up from the chair right away I forced myself to look at him. I was trying to avoid his gaze originally because of my, _episode._

I didn’t know how else to think about what I just did. The heart tasted so good. The flesh held a sweet taste that offered a delicious counter to the sour metallic taste of Raina’s blood. My body was numb but was abuzz with new energy. The exhaustion and fatigue I’ve felt for the past few days were gone. My every nerve ending was alight with this new pulsing feeling.

I looked into Ward’s eyes and I saw my reflection in them. My face and neck were smeared in blood and my eyes had almost entirely blackened. The black began to diminish as my heart rate lowered. My brown eyes were starting to seep through the deep blackness that had engulfed them only minutes prior.

I looked at my arms and dropped the bloodied knife. The metal reverberated against the concrete floor. My vision returned to normal from its narrowed state and I was able to see Ward more clearly. He looked at me with a face of indifference. He didn’t say anything as he picked me up bridal style and walked us through the door of the cell.

My mind was going foggy and I found myself drifting off to sleep in his arms. I heard the team’s voices echoing through the room. They must’ve taken out all the guards and were working their way through the building to me. I heard Simmons scream and pressed my head against the crook of Ward’s neck to drown out the noise as best I could.

She must’ve found Raina’s body and understood why I looked like I was drowning in blood. I was too tired to care about that though. Ward still had the effect to drain me of all energy whenever he put his arms around me. I could blame the tiredness on my coming down from an adrenaline high but I didn’t see the point in denying it any further.

Ward had a hold on me that was able to keep my hunger at bay. I needed him.

I felt Ward sit me in the passenger seat of a car and my body missed his warm touch. I curled in the seat and tried my best to ignore the sounds of everyone storming through the front door to stop Ward from taking me God knows where.

The shouts were incessant but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I assume Coulson and May were trying to get Ward to let me out of the car so they could have Simmons examine me more closely than the cursory glance she no doubt gave me when Ward carried me away from them.

I didn’t want to go with them. They saw the mess I left. They’d have questions I didn't want to ever answer. I wanted to forget what happened in there but I knew it was impossible. That was the first time I ever had those urges, but I’m smart enough to know that they’ll return. I've probably been fighting them these past few days. Ward seemed to be able to keep my hunger under control.

I heard the driver door open and close. I opened my eyes as far as I could manage, but they were so heavy that I could only catch a glimpse of Ward moving to brush some hair away from my face.

“I’ll take care of you.” I heard him whisper before I succumbed to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

I felt a hand on my upper arm shaking me. I shrugged it off and rolled over in the seat. I wanted to sleep for a little longer. The hand was persistent and shook me again. I opened my eyes slowly with every intention of closing them again. I was facing the passenger side window and saw the parking lot we were in.

I sat up straight and turned my head to look at Ward. He was holding a keycard for the room he no doubt booked for us.

“Can you walk?” He asked tentatively. If he was scared of me he didn’t show it. I still didn’t know if what happened in the server room was planned by HYDRA or Ward or both. He reached behind us and grabbed a messenger bag from the backseat. He slung it over his shoulder and got out of the car.

I nodded not trusting the stability of my voice. I opened the door and planted my feet on the asphalt firmly before I tried to stand up. My knees were wobbly and my thighs were protesting any weight being put on them but I stood. I tried to walk around the front of the car to the room but my right leg gave out and I fell to the ground in a heap.

Ward was at my side in an instant. He scooped me up in my arms and hurried me inside before any bystanders could think about the girl covered in blood. I tried to force myself down but Ward increased the pressure of his fingers on my thigh and that melted any protest I had when the warm sensation his touch always brought increased.

The room wasn’t anything fancy, a queen sized bed, a TV and a table with a couple chairs were all that were inside the room. Ward laid me down on the bed and set the bag on the table. My eyes followed him across the room.

His body held no visible tension and his face gave no ideas as to how he was feeling. Why did he look at me like nothing was wrong? He looked at me like nothing ever happened and I was just injured and weakened from what happened from in the cell.

He walked back to me and held out his hand. I took it without question and he gently raised me from the bed. He tugged me to the vanity outside of the bathroom. He gripped my hips firmly and lifted me onto the vanity. Ward stood between my legs. He tugged on my shirt and hefted it over my head.

Ward turned on the faucet and soaked a washcloth under the hot water. He ran it gently over my arms and scrubbed the dried blood off. The cloth quickly turned into a dark shade of red as my arm gained back the olive complexion it usually held.

Once my arms were cleaned he took the washcloth to my neck. The warm cloth was soothing to the aching tension in my body and my eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. I leaned my head into Ward’s chest, not caring if I got more blood on his body.

Ward put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. My neck protested the movement but I didn’t voice any problems. I opened my eyes blearily and saw what etched into Ward’s face looked like sadness. The emotion disappeared as soon as he caught my eye. What was he sad about? Did he finally realize I’m a monster? Was he going to leave me? Was he going to kill me?

The cloth started wiping across my face and the warmth was heavenly. I wanted to just close my eyes and go to sleep. Once my face was clean he squeezed the rag in the sink. I turned and saw the blood dripping out of it. A gnawing void started growing in my stomach and my skin felt disturbingly bare.

Ward threw the washcloth in the waste bucket and walked away. He opened the messenger bag and pulled out a roll of clothes. He walked back to me and handed me the clothes.

“I have to go pick up a few things and do a sweep of the area. The hotel’s safe. _Don’t leave._ ” He stressed those last words to me and took off his shirt. My eyes automatically swept over his bare torso. I could see a few bruises forming along his back and upper arms. He must’ve been beaten pretty badly by the guards when they took us prisoner. He pulled a fresh shirt out of the messenger bag and dressed himself in it.

I hopped off the vanity and walked toward him. “Where are you going?” I asked tentatively.

“I’m just picking up some essentials and dinner for the night. I shouldn’t be long, an hour or two tops. Why don’t you take a shower and get some rest?” He replied quickly. I could sense the undertone with his request though, he was avoiding the elephant in the room.

“You’re not going to ask?” I pushed slowly as I stepped closer to him.

“We can talk about that after you’ve cleaned up and gotten some half-decent sleep.” He dismissed.

Ward walked out of the room and closed the door. I heard a click from the outside and then I remembered, we’re in HYDRA city basically. The hotel must’ve been a prison of sorts. Fairly nice for a prison but I could have slept long enough for Ward to get us to another town.

I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stripped out of my jeans and boots and slipped into the shower. The hot water rinsed off the sweat and grime of the past few hours. I couldn’t scrub off the disgusting blood I think etched itself into my skin. I wanted to rip my skin off and vomit Raina’s heart up, but some part of me was satisfied by the _meal_ I had earlier. I ran my hair under the water and scrubbed the dried blood from my strands.

I wasn’t exactly satisfied with it, but I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I undid the roll of clothes and saw a button up as well as a new pair of jeans and underwear. I dried myself off and put the clothes on. They fit surprisingly well, Ward’s had a couple close encounters with my body so figuring out my sizes was probably not very hard.

I walked over to the table and opened the messenger bag again. I see some more clothes but more importantly I see my laptop. I pull it out and turn it on. I checked to see what kind of Intel I got from the server rooms before I was knocked out. The Centipede soldier reports and the encrypted messages that Ward was sending to and from Garrett.

I kept scanning through the data and found that even after I was knocked out and tied up the download continued. I looked through the files and found that I had security footage from the building. I sifted through them and found one of Ward and Raina in a cell. It must’ve been before she had him moved to the cell I was in.

I clicked the file and it started playing.

_//_ 15_May_2014_14:27_P.M.

//Cybertek_Facility_501A

//Interrogation_Room_C

Raina was sitting across from Ward. She had those big sickly childish eyes boring into him. She had her hands clasped on the table. Ward was cuffed to a metal bar in the middle of the table. There was a guard behind him.

Ward was quiet, he wasn’t saying anything and neither was Raina. She just kept looking at him with that knowing expression.

_“Do you know what she is, Ward?”_ Raina asked casually. I knew she was talking about me. How did she know anything about me? There was no way that they could’ve opened that hard drive. It was impossible unless…

_“It was by sheer luck that we were able to open that drive. One of the hackers just so happened to try as we got to 35,000 feet.”_ Raina explained. Should’ve just used a thumbprint scanner.

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ Ward replied numbly. The act of betraying the team then betraying HYDRA must’ve been taking a toll on him.

_“Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time in the Hunan province in China, there was a baby. She was only a few days old. The baby came from a dark place. A Maiden found her by the river one morning and took her home. The baby looked abandoned. The woman took care of the baby and started asking the travelers if they knew of a couple who were missing their child. When none answered she decided that the child was an orphan and decided to care for the baby herself._

_“She was wrong to claim the baby an orphan though, because the following morning there was a knock at the Maiden’s door. When she opened the door, she saw two men in suits. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, agents who have been looking for the baby for some time. The Maiden refused to hand over the child, claiming that such an innocent one needed a life that would nurture her, not rob her of that innocence._

_“The agents decided to stay in the village until the Maiden agreed to let them take the child somewhere safe. In the following hours an entire assortment of agents had gathered in the small village. Some were there to provide support in the case of violence, others were there to attempt negotiations with the Maiden who still refused to relinquish the child even when the agents explained to her that she could be a danger._

_“The Maiden’s only reply to that was ‘how can you blame such a young child for the acts of their parents? A child is born of innocence, not violence or death.’ The agents remained in the village despite the Maiden’s protests. They changed their mission from acquiring the baby to providing a protective detail for the village._

_“They were foolish to think that no one would come for her. The baby’s parents entered the village only a day after the agents arrived. They laid siege to the village slaughtering the inhabitants. Blood littered the walls and floors of homes as children’s screams filled the air._

_“When the monsters got to the Maiden the agents tried to save her. The Maiden refused to let other people’s blood be spilled for her and so she finally gave them the baby and told them to run while she distracted the beasts._

_“She wasn’t able to stall them long enough and the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. was massacred along with the villagers. The agents were able to keep the baby hidden though, among all the blood spilled the monsters were unable to find their baby among the chaos. The child merely slept through the turmoil and anguish of her parents’ demonic rampage._

_“Agents who were unable to arrive at the village quickly enough were spared the painful deaths of the villagers. Agent Avery was one of them. You know Avery, right, the woman who dropped Skye off of St. Agnes? She took the sleeping baby from the dead agent’s arms and fled the village._

_“She informed Fury of the massacre and of the child. She didn’t know that the baby’s parents were the monsters that destroyed the village. Fury redacted all documents pertaining to the child and had Avery place her in the foster care system. She was moved around every few months from foster home to foster home in an effort to keep whoever attacked the village from finding her again._

_“Fury didn’t think about the monsters finding the agents that helped hide their daughter from them. The agents were killed off one by one but none ever gave away the location of the child. Fury kept the child hidden from the world, even from S.H.I.E.L.D., that’s why Coulson doesn’t know the significance of the young woman he’s taken under his care._

_“There’s a darkness in her. She has an evil fighting to break out. I see a world where her true nature will be revealed. You have a thing for evil, don’t you Ward?”_

I saw Ward tense in the video, was she really comparing me to Garrett? I’d never beat someone because they didn’t do what I wanted them to or throw them in the woods for years!

_“She’s not evil. She’s the last bit of light in this world. You and HYDRA want to extinguish that light.” Ward replied._

_“Poetic, but pointless. She’s changing, you can’t stop that. We found her bloodwork. The drug’s waking her up. She’s attracted to the darkness in you. She sees the broken spirit that reminds her so much of herself. It’s why you don’t hurt her when everyone else does.” Raina said._

_“Her hunger will grow, she may not understand it at first but she will.”_

_“You’re delusional.” Ward growled._

_“No, I just understand what’s happening better than you.” Raina said as she stood up and the guard undid Ward’s bindings and pressed a gun to his temple. Raina left the cell with the guard pushing Ward closely behind her._

_//_ End_of_Tape

I shut the laptop and struggled to get my bearings. How did Raina know about me? How did she know about my parents? None of that was on the hard drive. There’s no way she could’ve known about what I am from just the hard drive. She had to have had access to other things.

She looked at my bloodwork. The same bloodwork that Simmons was studying after I was shot. The same bloodwork that had nothing out of the ordinary. It was human blood with no traces of the GH-325 in it. What did Raina find that Simmons couldn’t?

Was this why Ward didn’t freak out when I killed Raina? Because he already had suspicions of what I might do? It’s not like I’ve been the most stable person lately. I’m always exhausted and I can’t stand being away from him for too long.

I walked away from the table and curled up on the bed with my knees tucked into my chest. I didn’t even realize I was crying until the tears were cascading down my face profusely. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to forget what I saw.

I cried myself to sleep while I waited for Ward to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to explain why there is a chapter like this in the story.
> 
> The story is written entirely from Skye's POV. That means you only see what she sees. When she was knocked out in the server room, she doesn't know how much time has passed. It also means that there will be events in the story that you are unaware of Skye does not become aware of them as well. That's the reason behind her finding the security footage of the interrogation room Ward was being held prior to Raina talking to Skye.
> 
> Another reason for why Ward held no visible reaction, would be because Skye didn't see it before Ward could put on a mask of indifference. (COMPLETE SPECULATION BTW)


	15. Chapter 15

It was dark. Trees filled the landscape before me. I was in a clearing, the grass was green and healthy looking. The sky was black with night and the light of the stars and the moon barely illuminated the landscape. I was alone. There didn’t appear to be anyone as far as I could see.

I started walking through the dense forestry. I bumped into something. It felt oddly like a person. The body was suddenly enveloped in light and I saw her.

“Simmons,” I said quietly, my voice full of fear and desperation.

Simmons’ face morphed into a horror-filled expression and she shuddered violently away from me.

“Stay away from me.” she pleaded with me. “You’re a _monster._ ”

I looked at my hand and all I saw was the normal tanned skin I had. It quickly became flushed with blood a few seconds later. The blood snaked its way across both of my arms until it crept up my neck and seared into my face.

I looked back at Simmons and screamed at the sight. She was mangled and bloody and lying on the ground while someone was kneeling over her. I crept to the person kneeling over her and I heard animalistic grunts and pants.

The person turned around and I saw it. I saw me. I was eating her heart with woeful abandon. The blood was streaming down my face. Half of the heart was in my mouth, the rest was bleeding profusely down hands.

I looked at my eyes and they were nothing but black. No irises, no white, just black. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t emit a sound. The other me just returned to her meal like I was nothing but a nuisance. The flurry of grunts and pants were the only sounds in the woods.

I looked at Simmons’ lifeless eyes and I could feel tears welling up in mine. I just killed someone who was like a sister to me and here I was eating her heart like a ravenous beast.

My skin felt mind-numbingly cold whenever I saw the fresh blood cascade down my other’s arms. When she finished her meal she turned back to me. She had a vacant look in her glassy black eyes and sauntered over to me. She raised her hand to cup my face and the blood ran from her fingers over my skin and provided a clean coat to what was already dry.

“You need to wake up, Skye.” She said in a resonating voice.

“What?” I asked. Why did she sound like Ward? Where was he in this place?

“Skye,” She said again. I still didn’t understand what she wanted.

“ _Skye!_ ” Ward shouted as my eyes snapped open. I scanned the room I was in. I was still in the hotel he left me in. I raised myself up from the bed and leaned my head against the headboard.

“What happened?” I asked groggily.

“You were asleep when I came in. You looked like you were having a nightmare. Are you okay?” Ward explained calmly.

“I’m fine.” I lied. The truth was I didn’t know how to feel. Should I have felt guilty for what I did to Raina, disgusted at myself for the brutality with which I murdered her? She was my first kill, something I knew was possible to have to deal with whenever Ward started training me. I hoped it would have been under better circumstances, a mercy killing. I put a bullet in someone’s head so they don’t have to suffer a long, painful death. I certainly didn’t know how to react to having eaten Raina’s heart and bathing myself in her blood.

“We have to leave in the morning, but for now, how about some pizza?” Ward offered as he helped me stand from the bed. My body was numb to his touch for a change. It was a welcome change, I didn’t want to feel anything right now.

There was a pizza and a six pack of beer on the table as well as another duffel bag on the floor, probably essentials for us to use later. I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. My muscles still protested most movements but I could mask the discomfort in front of Ward, or at least I hoped he didn’t catch on.

Ward opened the box and the smell of pepperoni and sausage filled my senses. My stomach growled and I realized that it’s completely possible I slept in that car for several hours, plenty of time for Raina’s heart to digest.

“I thought you’d be hungry.” Ward said casually as he placed one of the greasy slices on a paper towel and handed it to me. For a specialist he has me eating some rather unhealthy food, though I guess when you’re on the run you don’t exactly have a lot of choice but to eat fast food. It’s better than the rabbit meals he would try to get me to eat whenever we finished training on the bus.

I bit into the pizza and the sauce was a welcome liquid to my dry throat. Ward fixed himself a slice and a can of beer before handing me one. I’m sure he would have preferred some whiskey but even I know that’s a lot more expensive than beer.

I opened my can and took a large gulp. It burned down my throat but the sensation was very soothing. I could at least feel pain. We ate largely in silence until I was full. I wiped my sauce covered mouth and finished my beer before I stood from the table and returned to the bed where I drew me knees to my chest.

Ward stayed by the table. He looked at me with a strange mixture of empathy and sadness. It reminded me of the stare that a farmer would give a sick cow before he kills it. The silence was torture. The numbness of all my nerves was hell. My body wasn’t screaming for his touch or the bittersweet taste of blood.

“Do you know what happened back there?” Ward asked quietly. I didn’t need him to remind me what he was referring to.

“No, I didn’t understand any of it.” I told him truthfully. My voice sounded cold and distant without a hint of the fear it had a few hours ago.

“She told me a legend. A legend of a baby girl in China who was the daughter of monsters. She said the baby was you, and that the GH-325 woke up the monster inside you. Do you believe that?” Ward asked slowly.

“I don’t know how else to explain what I did. I never did anything like that before. I certainly never, _enjoyed_ it.” I was disgusted at the thought of enjoying ripping someone apart with my bare hands.

Ward finally stood from the table and crossed the room to the bed. He sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I didn’t even realize I was shaking until I felt the buzzing around my shoulders stop. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. He was always so warm, safe. I just wanted to forget everything that happened, to just close my eyes and stay like this forever.

“You’re not a monster. I don’t understand what happened but I know that you would have done that before that damn drug got into your system.” Ward breathed against my hair. The words would’ve been more important if his hot breath on the top of my head didn’t feel heavenly and was currently lulling me to sleep.

Ward removed his arm from my shoulders and I had to catch myself from falling. He opened the duffel bag and took out some sleepwear for me. It never occurred to me to look at the time. I turned to the clock and saw that it was 11:37 P.M. Ward left all the blinds drawn and I never thought to open them to look outside.

I took the clothes from Ward and stripped out of what I was already wearing. The sweatpants were far more comfortable than the jeans I was wearing. I pulled the covers back on the bed and climbed in.

I could hear Ward fumbling with his belt and jeans before hearing the rest of his clothing batter against the floor pardon his boxers. He climbed in beside me and I curled into his side. My body was still numb but his helped to give me some sense of warmth. I buried my face into the crook of his neck and wrapped an arm around his side.

I was more confused now than ever. Ward’s body was supposed to bring warmth and pleasure, now I couldn’t feel much of anything. My skin felt cold and dead. I wrapped myself around Ward tighter in an effort to take some of his warmth for myself.

My head was pressed into the crook of his neck so tightly I could feel his pulse. It was calm, relaxed even. The hunger that drove me with Raina didn’t exist with Ward. I didn’t want to kill him or eat him or whatever the hell I do. Ward still calmed me.

Ward’s monotonous heartbeat was lulling me to sleep like always and I felt the temptress urging me to give in. Who was I to deny her?

My sleep was dreamless and deep. I never felt Ward’s arms loosen around me and for that I was grateful. My body was cocooned within his. My skin started to warm up as the night wore on. Every now and then I would readjust myself in Ward’s arms. At one point I moved my head from his neck to bury it in his chest. Ward cupped the back of my head with his hand in his sleep and pressed me further into his chest.

When morning came I could feel Ward’s specialist training kick in and make him rise with the sun. I wasn’t ready to get up yet. Crazy or not I still wasn’t a morning person. I just wanted to lie in bed for a few more hours. Ward started petting my hair and I smiled into his chest. His other hand was tracing a pattern along my lower back and I was quickly falling back asleep.

Ward’s arms tensed on me suddenly and my eyes shot open. I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him. Ward’s face was calm and neutral but the tension in his muscles told me that something was wrong. I turned myself around in his arms and came face to barrel with Trip’s gun.

“Stay calm, and come with us.” Trip said in a level voice. His eyes were wild though, like he’s seen something that should’ve stayed in his nightmares. I looked behind him and saw May and Fitzsimmons.

“What’s going on?” I asked lowly. The gun wasn’t aimed at me. I could see the barrel pointed clearly at Ward’s head rather than mine.

“It’s Coulson.” May said in an even tone. It figures I guess, she was only on the team to keep an eye on Coulson so of course as soon as something’s wrong she’ll come to the only person with any sort of idea what could be wrong with him.

“What’s wrong?” I queried.

“We don’t know, but Ward should.” Simmons said shyly.

I turned to Ward and he kept a calm expression plastered on his face. I searched his eyes hoping they betrayed his face like Trip’s did. I guess Ward’s the better specialist considering his eyes were just as vacant as his face.

“It’s urgent. He killed Garrett.” Fitz said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may write Chapter 16 this weekend and have it done before Monday, but just for the sake of screwing with you people I may hold it till I feel y'all suffered enough.
> 
> On a personal note, this story is also on FanFiction.net and I would like to start including notes at the bottom of the chapters, how do I do that on the site? I used to know how but they've changed some things since then and know I don't have a clue.


	16. Chapter 16

“What’s wrong with Coulson?” I asked lowly. Did he do to Garrett what I did to Raina? Did he do something worse? I didn’t believe it was possible to do anything worse than what I did.

“After you and Ward, _left,_ ” May started. “Coulson and I were going through the files on the computer when Garrett showed up. We had already taken down everyone else inside the building, so he was left with just one guard. Trip came up from behind and ICEd the guard before he could shoot either me or Coulson. We took Garrett prisoner. We planned to use him as a martyr to bargain for the emancipation of all remaining loyal S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

“Garrett asked where you were and we told him ‘Skye ruined your best soldier.’ Garrett started ranting about how there was no Skye could ruin over 15 years of work with as little as a kiss. Coulson asked how Garrett has known about Ward longer than S.H.I.E.L.D. did. Garrett’s only answer was ‘HYDRA always got first pick for new recruits.’” May was looking directly at Ward instead of me.

Ward told me about the woods, he told me about juvy. I guess Ward was Garrett’s biggest success story. He probably viewed Ward as some kind of trophy to show the other HYDRA agents higher up in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s ranks than him.

Trip had long since replaced the gun into the waistband of his pants while Fitzsimmons sat down at the chairs by the table. May remained stoic between the door and the bed. Ward and I had sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed. I was fighting the urge to curl into his side and go back to sleep. I knew it was a bad idea with May and Trip on edge.

“What would I know about what’s wrong with Coulson?” Ward asked slowly keeping a trained eye on May and Trip’s hands. He always looked for movement when he felt threatened, checking every possible way someone could pull a weapon on him.

“Because Skye did the same thing to Raina.” May coldly said. My face flushed at hearing this. I didn’t know how Coulson could even stand to do what I did. Did they find Raina? Was that why Simmons screamed? Why did they assume it was me and not Ward? Did May know what the drug did to people?

“Coulson’s unconscious in the interrogation room on the Bus. We got it back after we took Garrett prisoner. When we sat Garrett down in the cell, something in Coulson snapped and he started cutting Garrett. As soon as Garrett died Coulson stabbed the knife into Garrett’s head and tried to walk away. I didn’t let him and tried to get him to sit down. Coulson attempted to attack me and I had no choice but to knock him out. He’s currently locked up in the interrogation room and we left to find you.”  May finished her story and I could see her doing what Ward did when he would tell me something Garrett did to him, the compartmentalizing the information and the emotions tied to it.

“How did you find us?” I didn’t mean for the question to sound so incredulous but I knew that Ward obviously didn’t trust them to not want to dissect me so he would’ve made sure we were hidden.

“I called Fitz while I was out.” I heard Ward say next to me.

“I got a burner phone while I was picking up stuff in a store. I called him and told him where to find me if it was an _emergency_ and to come _alone_. Nice to know that he follows so instructions so well.” Ward muttered the last part under his breath but May still heard it and sent an icy glare in his direction.

“Listen Ward, we don’t like you right now. We don’t want you on the Bus, we don’t want you near Skye, but we don’t have a choice. You keep whatever’s in Skye docile, and you know more about it than the rest of us, so we need you to come back and take a look at Coulson.” May said deadpanned. I didn’t notice that I shuffled closer to Ward while she was talking until I felt my head hit his shoulder.

Everyone’s eyes turned on me and I was fighting to keep my eyes open. The bed was warm and so was Ward’s shoulder. I wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. Trip started reaching for the gun in back of his pants and Ward’s training must’ve taken over because he flung a knife into the room wall. The knife barely missed grazing the side of Trip’s head.

“No guns, if I go with you, Skye stays with me.” Ward negotiated. Trip scoffed and paced over to the wall to rip the knife out of it.

“And why the hell would we agree to that?” May asked exasperated.

“Because you’re not being honest with us May.” Ward said plainly as he got out of bed. My body was cold, I tried to follow but he gripped my shoulder. It was the silent way of telling me to stay where I was. My body was getting that cold numbness again and I hated it.

“What are you talking about?” May defended. Ward grabbed a clean shirt from the duffel bag and threw it on.

“I mean you seem pretty calm about the whole ordeal. I can see Trip’s freaking out. Fitz and Simmons are close to shaking and having a nervous breakdown. You seem like this was all expected. What’s happening to Skye, what’s happened to Coulson, you’re not freaked out for the same reason I wasn’t. You knew what to expect.” Ward explained. His temper was rising with each sentence but he kept his voice level.

“This is not the place, Ward.” May dodge the silent accusation. The coldness in her eyes alleviated slightly and I could see a flicker of anger before she reigned it back in.

“Give us an hour, and we’ll meet you on the plane.” Ward reasoned.

“Okay,” May agreed.

Everyone stood to leave and I looked back at Fitzsimmons. They were worse for wear like Ward said. They were scared. Fitz was edgy and Simmons kept her eyes pointed at the floor. Neither of them would look at me. I knew why, I must look like a monster to them now. Trip and May must see me as a traitor for leaving with Ward and not them. When everyone was gone Ward went back to rifling through the duffel bag. He pulled out a fresh pair of clothes for both us.

“Why don’t you grab the first shower? If we can get out of here in about twenty minutes, I spotted a diner a couple blocks away. We could grab some breakfast if you want?” Ward offered.

I shuffled the clothes between my fingers before I grabbed a handful of his shirt and kissed him hungrily. Ward cupped the sides of my head and pressed himself closer to me. I let the clothes drop to the floor and laced my arms around his neck. My mouth moved from his to ravish his neck.

My tongue swept over his pulse point and I bit down on it roughly. I was gentler with him more so than Raina. I could feel his erection pressing against his boxers which in turn had it pressing against my lower stomach deliciously.

I yanked his shirt up over his head and fused our mouths and tongues together. My hands roamed across his toned torso. His hands gripped the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head. His mouth started trailing a path down my neck towards my breast where he lavished my nipples with his teeth and tongue. My head was thrown back and the carnal noises leaving my mouth were beyond my ability to control.

I started pushing him to the bed. As soon as the back of his knees hit the mattress I toppled him over. I straddled him and started tugging my sweatpants and underwear down. As soon as they hit the floor I raised my hips above his to rip his boxers down his legs and impaled myself on his erection. I pounded against him again and again as my cries of pleasure filled the room. If the others were waiting just outside they would be mortified at the noises we were making.

At the pace we were moving I knew we weren’t going to last long. As soon as I felt Ward’s fingers move to tease and grab my clit I felt the end fast approaching. His hips were bucking against mine providing a mixture of plain to the onslaught of pleasure. I felt the beautiful tremor start to wrack my body as the orgasm rippled through me, Ward came soon after pulling me down for a chaste kiss.

My body slumped against his and I placed a lazy kiss on the skin above his heart. Ward started tracing a pattern up and down my spine and I felt the post-sex exhaustion begin to lure me to sleep. Ward raised us up and carried me to the shower. He turned it on and set me down.

When Ward felt the shower reach an appropriate temperature he took my hand and pulled me in with him. The water was soothing to the aching tension in my muscles. I slumped against Ward’s chest. He took one of the hotel shampoo bottles and started threading the substance through my hair. He did the same to his own and I started falling asleep. His heartbeat was too calm, too steady, it was luring me to sweet sleep and I was struggling to resist.

“Skye, you need to stay awake.” Ward said as he started to walk us out of the shower. My body responded quicker than my mind. He handed me a towel and I dried myself off before picking the clothes he gave me off the floor.

I didn’t know why it was so hard to stay awake. Every time he holds I feel exhausted and it doesn’t make any sense.

When Ward was dressed he picked a gun out of the messenger bag and tucked it into the waistband of his jeans. He grabbed the bags and threw them over his shoulders as he walked out of the room. I followed him outside and the morning sunlight ghosted over my skin. My eyes squinted at the incessant light. Ward put his arm around my shoulders and guided me to the car. It was different than the one he drove us here in but I didn’t question. I knew he would have to change cars if we were going to keep hidden. I guess it didn’t matter though; he obviously didn’t want to cut all ties with the team. I didn’t know why, it’s not like they care much about him anymore.

Ward pulled into the diner he mentioned. He got out and walked around the front of the car to my door and held out his hand. I smiled softly as I took it. I supposed this was what it’s like, right? The boyfriend picks you up and takes you out for a nice date?  I kept a hold of his hand as we entered the diner and made our way to a corner booth.

The waitress smiled at us sweetly as she made her way over. Her eyes lingered on Ward’s body a little longer than I liked. My smile quickly faded and a scowl made its way across my face. The waitress took the hint and was able to quickly hide the dejected look on her face before she reached the table.

“Good morning! I’m Kate I’ll be your server. The special for today is a short stack with whipped cream and a cherry and your side of choice. Can I get you started with some coffee?” The waitress started quickly and sweetly.

“Yes, I’ll take mine with two sugars. Skye, what about you?” Ward said as he turned towards me.

“I’ll take my coffee black, creamer on the side and the special with an order of bacon.” I said as politely as I could. My brain was anywhere but here right now. I was worried about Coulson, if he was turning into whatever I was turning into, than the team needs to be careful around him. I know I won’t hurt Ward but I don’t trust myself around the team, so the same has to be said true to Coulson.

“I’ll have the special as well but sausage instead of bacon.” Ward finished as the waitress wrote our orders down.  She gave one last longing look to Ward before she turned and walked over to the kitchen to place our orders.

“I know staying awake has been a challenge for you lately, but I need you to try. If you can’t stay awake while Simmons runs whatever tests she thinks will explain what’s happening to you and Coulson, she’ll no doubt have you restrained and separated from everyone. She’ll separate you from me.” Ward explained to me while the waitress brought us our coffees.

I poured a little creamer into my cup and absentmindedly stirred it into the coffee mixture. I raised the steaming liquid to my mouth and drank it slowly. I was tense. Ward could see it. I was jealous of him, here he was being calm and collected and I’m about ready to have a panic attack in the middle of a diner.

The caffeinated drink helped to clear some of the cobwebs that were still prohibiting my brain from fully functioning. Ward put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me closer to his body in the booth. I leaned into his frame and he placed a small kiss on the crown of my head. I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck and waited on our food to arrive.

The waitress didn’t have us waiting long and I saw her carrying a tray with our food. She placed our pancakes in front of us and I felt a small rumble urging itself to my attention. When the waitress left I opened the napkin roll of silver ware and folded the paper across my lap.

Ward already had the syrup and was currently marinating his pancakes with it. I picked up a piece of bacon and took a tentative bite. The salty sweet taste of the meat permeated my mouth and perked me up a bit. Ward removed his arm from my shoulder to start cutting his pancakes and sausage. I took my fork as well and began to dig in to the meal in front of me. The whipped cream complimented the soft texture of the pancakes.

I held the cherry between my thumb and index finger. I caught Ward’s attention and he smirked at the sight of me trying to sensually eat the cherry. I lowered the cherry to my teeth and bit it off the string. It still tasted of whipped cream and cracked under my teeth. Ward released a small chuckle at my antics and returned to his pancakes.

I didn’t know why it was so hard to stay awake. The only thing I did know was that if Simmons were to try to separate me and Ward I wouldn’t trust myself not to hurt her to get back to him. My body always felt exhausted with him and no matter what I tried I couldn’t fight the urge to sleep whenever I’m curled into his side or resting my head above his heart. I couldn’t even explain the desire that came over me in the hotel room. I was sure Ward would put it down to stress and whatever the drug was making me do. I didn’t like that there was an alien drug in my system that was starting to dictate my actions. It would tell me when I was tired, when I was aroused and when I was hungry and what I wanted to eat.

So this was what it’s like, huh? Your boyfriend picks you up and takes you to breakfast after you spent the night with him before he takes you back to your family. He’d cherish the remaining time you have left before the disapproving mother would make him leave, or in our case, shoot with him an ICER and handcuff him to the table in the cell.

It was nice, just being with him. No mission, nobody breathing down our necks or threatening to snap them. It was just me and Ward. I leaned my head against his shoulder and stifled a contented sigh that threatened to escape my throat.

I found my eyes drifting back to the waitress as our meal went on. The way she would glance back at Ward like she just lost the lottery was making a bubble of anger form in my stomach. She would smile and return to her customers and the mere sight of her teeth glistening from the overhead light shining down on her and the older couple she was waiting on in the booth. When she finished jotting down their orders she stole one more glance at Ward who was blissfully unaware of what was becoming a silent war between me and the waitress.

I saw the waitress place the order on the rack in the kitchen window and move toward the bathroom. Before I knew what I was doing I was following her quietly and slipping inside the bathroom door before it closed. The waitress was adjusting her eye makeup in the mirror and I felt a pang of disgust for seeing her reapplying such a thick layer of eyeliner.

“I’m sorry if I was hitting on your boyfriend over there, but in my defense, do you blame me? He looks like a magazine cover.” She said in a singsong voice.

“No, it’s fine. This is something I deal with everywhere we go.” I tried to reply with as cheery a tone as I could muster.

I walked up behind her took a fistful of her blonde ponytail. I put my other hand over her mouth to block out her scream. I banged her head against the sink a few times until I felt her begin to go limp in my arms. I lowered her to the ground before I took her pen out of her apron. I clicked it open.

The waitress was dazed and looking at me like I was some kind of monster from a horror movie. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop my arm from driving the pen into her pulse point and feel her bleed out all over the bathroom tiles. The blood got on my hand but strangely I felt no urge to spread it. I felt no hunger, just, calm.

I stood up and washed the blood from my skin before I checked my face. I was still a girl; of course I’ll check my hair in a mirror. My eyes were black again, I could see the brown beginning to shine through and soon the black was gone.

I walked out the bathroom and back to the table where I saw dolling money out for the meal. He stood and linked my arm through his before we left the diner. I leaned my head against his shoulder and didn’t bother to contain my sigh of relief.

When we got in the car I pulled Ward by the collar of his shirt and kissed him lightly.

“Thanks for breakfast.” I said with a sleepy expression.

“You’re welcome. I was on the phone with Fitz while you were in the bathroom; he gave me the directions to the Bus. It’s gonna be about a thirty minute drive so if you want to grab a nap before we see everybody now would be a good time.” Ward replied as he started the engine.

I was laid back against the seat and curled into myself. When Ward had the car on the road and going a steady pace I took his right hand in mine and held it close to me. I still took comfort in his touch. I found myself quickly approaching sleep and I pressed a lazy kiss to one of Ward’s knuckles before I started rubbing it with my thumb. His knuckles were scarred and battle-ridden from years as a specialist.

I killed someone in that diner and I couldn’t find it in me to feel bad about it. I found myself justifying it by thinking the waitress was hitting on Ward and that was the worst possible thing someone could do. I plunged a pen into her neck and watched her bleed out for God’s sake! I was reasoning the whole thing on territory!

What’s wrong with me? I’ve never been like this. I would crack jokes at Ward when he doesn’t notice a woman’s hitting on him. I would never actually think about murdering the woman because she wasn’t me and she was hitting on him let alone actually kill the person.

This drug has done something to my mind more so than my body. And I think I’m actually growing to like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to hear some predictions from the rest of you before I post more, so I will not update this for at least a week or two.
> 
> You have no idea how difficult it was to write a date scene between the two them. Despite them being the type of characters who I think would most likely have a date on a couch with pizza and bottle of scotch, I have no idea how a date works. I'm between 16-24 and I have never been on a date before in my life!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps tuning in to read these chapters. I know they aren't the best but it means a lot to me that you all want to read what I come up, and that means a lot to me. I'm thinking about actually trying to be a professional writer and as such hearing your criticisms and your praises mean the world to me right now.
> 
> Enjoy Chapter 17!

I felt Ward try to pry his hand from my grasp. I tightened my grip on the extremity. He jerked his hand a little rougher and I heard myself growl in my sleep. Since when did I growl? Since when did I need to feel him to sleep? Why did I murder people who tried to hit on him?

“Skye, I need my hand. We’re here.” Ward said lightly. I whined a little, am I turning into a fucking dog? I released his hand and uncurled myself from the seat. I looked out the front windshield and saw the cargo ramp of the Bus.

Fitzsimmons, Trip, and May were all waiting at the end of it. Coulson wasn’t there, May said she locked him up in the cell but I figured she wouldn’t let him out of her sight. It was her _mission_ after all, to hell with the rest of us, all she cares about is Coulson. It’s all about Coulson. It’s the only reason she even went after me and Ward. She needed information on what’s wrong with Coulson and Ward’s the only remaining source.

I got out of the car and walked towards everybody as calmly as I could. I kept my eyes pointed at the ground in front of my feet. I couldn’t bear to look at Fitzsimmons. They didn’t know about the waitress but I know they’ve seen Raina’s mangled corpse. God knows what they think of me for it.

I held my arms around my middle and let my hair fall in front of my eyes. I could feel Ward walk up behind me and it took all the restraint I had not to curl into his side. My body felt cold without his touch. My knuckles were bone white from the force I was using to dig my fingers into the skin of my upper arms.

I tentatively raised my head, almost like I was seeking permission to look them in the eyes. Fitzsimmons were trying to show some level of happiness to see me, but I knew they were scared. May was stoic as always and Trip was lacking the charming smile he normally wore. The team just looked ragged and tired. These past few days hadn’t been easy for anybody.

Ward looked like he always did. His face was void of any emotion and his eyes did not betray him. I wondered if Garrett taught him how to be so composed under stress or was it something he just picked up. He placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It took everything I had not to lean into his touch.

May walked away from us and up the stairs. She must’ve been heading to the cockpit. Fitzsimmons, Trip, Ward, and I walked into the lab. Trip hit the button for the cargo ramp and the mechanical whoosh filled my ears as the lifts picked up the heavy piece of metal, the telltale bolt and lock of the ramp came soon after.

Fitzsimmons were quiet and were fidgeting around their lab with some science thing or another. Trip was propped against the counter behind them while Ward and I were standing awkwardly in front of them.

I was nervous being in front of them. The last time I was this nervous was the day before we went out for the O-8-4 in Peru. Simmons tried to give me a simple smile and I returned the gesture as warmly as I could.

“Skye, how are you feeling?” Fitz asked skittishly.

I wanted to say _like a fucking animal_ but I gave him a simple “Fine, all things considered.”

Fitz just nodded and returned to tinkering with his little machine. I knew what he was doing. Everyone knew what he was doing. He was just trying to keep his mind busy and not think about how I abandoned them and turned into a fucking monster. Trip was doing what I assume is the specialist thing to do and was currently making his mind go completely blank so he could cope with everything later and get the job done.

“Skye, I know you’ve been having a hard time lately, but I would really like to take a few minutes and check you and Ward over for any injuries.” Simmons stated with a light voice.

I nodded absentmindedly while Ward walked me over to the table. My feet weren’t very cooperative and he ended up having to pick me up and place me on the counter. His hand never left my back and started rubbing a soothing pattern that had my eyes falling closed.

Simmons picked up a stethoscope and did the basic thing I assume all doctors did and checked my heart. “You’re heart rate is a little slow, though that can simply be chalked up to exhaustion.” I heard her say.

“I’m gonna need you to take a deep breath and exhale calmly, okay?” Simmons said as she moved the saucer from the stethoscope from my chest to my back.

I breathed in and out as deeply and as slowly as I could, but I couldn’t help my body leaning into Ward to rest my head against his chest. I was tired and the poking and prodding was doing nothing to alleviate this seemingly never ending exhaustion.

Whenever I’m doing something with Ward I have energy. When I got up to kill the waitress I was full of energy. It was when I’m not threatened or aroused that my body basically shuts down. Ward ran his hand down my hair while Simmons continued to run a basic check up on me.

“Now, Skye, I’m gonna need your head up for this. I want to draw some blood so I can check for any irregularities. I also want to compare your blood to Coulson’s so we can see if the GH-325 has become more present in your bloodstreams.” Simmons explained to me. Ward moved his hand from my hair and gripped my shoulder lightly as he raised me from his chest to an upright position. My body protested the movement and I heard a slight crack in my neck.

Simmons placed a gentle hand on my forearm and I felt the burning sensation I felt from May at the hotel. It was lighter though, not unbearably hot like May’s hand had been. She tapped the crook of my elbow a few times and made a vein a little more prominent than the others. I could feel the heat from her hand intensifying as she fumbled through a drawer. When she pulled out a needle the burning started to give way to a pulsing.

I strained to hear where the pulsing was coming from. I heard it from Simmons neck. It was Simmons’ pulse. I could hear the blood pumping through her and my skin was feeling sickeningly dry.

When Simmons’ raised her head to look at me a small scream escaped her lips. My body jerked towards her only to be held back by Ward’s arms. He had me basically caged between them and his chest. Small growls were escaping my throat as I fought against his embrace for the first time in a while. He tightened his hold on me and my legs started kicking against the table trying wrench myself from his grasp. Ward dragged me from the table towards the back wall. The growls were increasing in volume and I felt my nails digging into his forearms trying to get him to release me.

When the smell of his blood started to hit my nose I stopped struggling. I felt the pulsing die down from Simmons. I blinked a couple times to get the glare out of my eyes. I looked around at the scared expressions from the others.

I still had my nails dug into Ward’s arms. I pulled them out and felt the blood spread underneath my nails. When it was Raina’s blood I had the urge to spread it, now that it’s Ward’s blood I feel my stomach tangle into knots.

I felt the bile reach my throat and I dove for the trashcan by the computer desk. Ward knelt down in an instant to move my hair out of the way while I emptied my stomach into the container. Ward started rubbing a soothing pattern across my lower back with his free hand while I continued to retch.

The vomit wasn’t green or undigested pancakes. It was black and bloody muck that left a venomous taste in my mouth as it poured out of me. When I ran out of bile my body continued to dry heave into the trashcan. When they finally subsided my breaths were coming in rasped quivers.

My body was trying to purge itself of something. Maybe the GH-325? Maybe Raina’s heart? Both? I didn’t know. I could feel the warmth from Ward’s hand on my back. It was a pleasant distraction from the painful knots wrenching themselves in my stomach. My breathing was evening out as I focused on the warmth of Ward’s hand drawing a pattern on my lower back. Ward wrapped his other arm around my front and lifted me away from the trashcan. His body was warm to the touch, an unfair reminder of how cold I was.

I nuzzled into his arms and chest as close as I could as he led me back to the table. He didn’t let go of me this time and instead sat on the counter with me. I was basically caged in his arms but I didn’t care in the slightest. Chills were racking my body and he was so warm. I looked around the lab and saw Fitzsimmons standing near the far corner of the lab.

Simmons looked terrified and Fitz was trying to console her. I spotted Trip in my peripheral and he was frozen in place, a mixed look of terror and confusion was planted on his face. I leaned my head back against Ward’s shoulder and turned into the crook of his neck. I felt the salty heat of the tears as they stung my eyes. They streamed down my face before I could try to stop them. Ward raised one of his hands to wipe the tears from my face and I took solace in the fact that he wasn’t afraid of me.

“Jemma,” I heard Fitz say quietly. “Let Ward try to take the sample. She’s calm around him. It was the same with Coulson and May.”

The same with Coulson? What was he talking about? Did they use May to get the blood from him? Does he have the same attachment problem I do? Is that why May walked off but I haven’t felt the plane take off?

Simmons looked back at me with a pained expression. She nodded her head slowly and walked away from Fitz who kept an eye on me. He wasn’t naïve. He knew better than to assume I could control whatever was happening to me. Simmons picked up a string of blue paper and a few tubes from the drawers and handed them to Ward’s outstretched hand.

Ward tried to remove his arms from around me but I protested with a mixture of whines and pathetic grabs at his forearms. My body was freezing and I didn’t trust myself to be able to move freely.

Ward stopped trying and instead just lifted one of my arms and tied the paper around it above the elbow. He flicked the crook of my elbow a few times to find a vein. When he found one he picked up the needle and held my arm steady as he inserted it into the vein. The sharp pierce of pain was barely noticeable with my body so focused upon his warmth.

When Ward attached the first tube to the line I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see what my blood looked like now. I leaned as far into Ward’s chest as I could trying to steal some of his warmth for myself.

When the first tube was full Ward quickly swapped it for a second and then a third. He tried to keep me calm with placing a few tentative kisses to my forehead and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why it brought me so much comfort. My muscles relaxed as well as my mind. As far as I cared Ward was the only one in the room with me.

“All done, Skye.” Ward said quietly as he placed one last kiss to my forehead before he removed the needle from my arm. I felt a cotton pad get pressed into the crook of my elbow and a bandage went on top of it.

“What do we do now?” I heard Ward ask as I turned in his arms. I brought my legs up to my chest and curled into him as much as I could. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and the other around my legs. I felt him start rocking me back and forth lightly.

“Coulson’s shown similar attitude shifts. The best hypothesis we have going right now is that the drug forces their bodies to revert back to more basic instincts. Coulson started eating and avoiding everyone like the plague shortly after killing Garrett. May was the only who could talk to him, similar to how Skye’s only calm around you.” Simmons explained with her voice rising in pitch as she got caught up in the science of this mess. Base instincts huh? I guess that explains the whole killing the waitress for eying Ward like he was a piece of meat. It was to keep the competition low. Thinking about this morning still makes my blood run a little hotter than normal.

“The only thing we can’t figure out, is why Skye made such a mess of Raina? With Coulson and Garrett it was quick and clean. With Raina and Skye, from what we saw in the security videos, it was more like a feeding.” Fitz continued.

I raised my head from Ward’s chest only to have the hand he had wrapped around my shoulders press my head back into it. I didn’t fight him and instead pressed my face into his shirt and inhaled his scent. It was soothing to the chaos I was hearing. Everyone was terrified about what I really was. Everyone but Ward. Ward could still look at me and not be scared.

“May still wants you to take a look at Coulson.” Trip spoke up. He was quiet the entire time since Providence. He must be scared shitless right now. He was a specialist like Ward, but he got the good end of the childhood deal. S.H.I.E.L.D. must’ve been a big icon to him growing up. Watching it all come crashing down must have been traumatizing.

“Where is he?” Ward asked.

“He’s in the holding cell. Skye can’t see him, though.” I tightened my hold on Ward’s shirt and pressed myself tighter into his front. I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t believe they were giving Ward a choice. He was here on probation at best.

Ward placed a tender kiss to the crown of my head and unwrapped himself from me before standing from the table.  My body uncurled from itself and stood from the table as well. I tried to grab his arm before he left but he was walking too fast. I folded my arms around my middle and walked out of the lab.

Lola wasn’t parked in her usual spot. In all likely hood someone’s already stolen it from the diner Ward and I ate at the other night. The SUV was still parked on the ramp though. I opened the door and climbed into the backseat. The leather was cold against my skin, but still warmer than the lab table. I curled myself into a ball in the backseat and just laid my head against the headrest.

I didn’t want to listen to Fitzsimmons or Trip right now. I also didn’t trust myself to be anywhere near them without Ward around. Maybe Fitz was right. Maybe my body was going back to basic instincts. But none of that explained why I couldn’t bear to be without Ward for more than a few minutes. It didn’t explain why my heart hurts when everyone tries to take him away. It didn’t explain why I killed the waitress at the diner for something as insignificant as looking at Ward.

My body was to the point of shivering. I hugged myself tighter in a wasted effort to make what little body heat I had enough. My body was starting to develop a cold sweat. My hair was starting to stick to the back of my neck. The shivers were getting worse. My body was shaking slightly as I felt colder and colder.

My vision started narrowing. My body was shaking even worse now. I heard a knock from the outside of the SUV. The pulsing started to return to my ears. It made the sound of the knocking turn into a dull thudding. There were voices accompanying the knocks but I couldn’t make them out from the pulsing.

The pulsing noise was pounding through my skull now. My body was cold and numb. I reached over to the handle on the door of the SUV. When I opened it I saw Trip standing there with his arms crossed across his chest.

The pulsing was bashing against the inside of my skull like a chisel against stone. I got out of the SUV and walked back to the lab table. I saw someone coming down the stairs out of the corner of my eye. Fitzsimmons were still when I approached the drawer under the table near them.

They froze when they turned their attention towards me. I didn’t acknowledge them as I opened the drawer and withdrew a scalpel. The blade felt hot in my hand. I heard Fitzsimmons’ mumbled voices try to make me stop. My feet were moving me of their own volition.

The pulsing had to stop. I walked closer to Trip. The pulsing had to stop. Trip moved his hand to the waistband of his pants. The pulsing had to stop. I raised the scalpel. The pulsing had to stop. I slammed the scalpel into his thigh and twisted the metal around. The pulsing had to stop. Trip’s scream filled the cargo hold. The pulsing had to stop. I felt my lips twitch into a small smile at the sight of his blood pouring from the wound. The pulsing stopped.

I felt a sharp pain in my upper back and I let go of the scalpel. My vision swam and I fell over. I saw a blurred outline of someone running over to me. Everything was so foggy. The voices were muffled but so loud. I closed my eyes.

I didn’t open them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in addition to any other comments you write, I would also really love to see some theories about what's happening to Skye. Write them here or go to my Tumblr and send them to me in my AskBox.
> 
> Zoroark3496.tumblr.com


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I had a lot of trouble planning out where exactly the story's heading, but I want you all to know that even though school has started back up I will be writing more as I have to kill usually an hour or so before my classes start.

When I woke up, I saw the blackened walls of the holding cell. The soft lighting in the cracks glared in my vision. My head was pounding and my limbs felt like stone. My heart was hammering in my chest. My body felt cold, a stark contrast to the heat of my blood pumping through me.

Despite my body’s protests, I raised myself to a sitting position on the floor. I looked to the door half expecting May or Coulson to walk in and lecture me on running off with a convicted murderer, but I know Coulson’s incapacitated and Fitz said that he’s got the same attachment problem that I have.

As much as I hated myself for it I wanted Ward to walk through that door and take me away from here. Things were so much simpler when it was just us two. No S.H.I.E.L.D., no HYDRA, just me and the man I love despite his bloody ledger. He protected me from everyone and I protected him from people that would use him.

The waitress just wanted his body. She didn’t love Ward. She only wanted to use him like everybody else! She had to go. She had to!

I wanted Ward. I wanted him to take me away. I wanted him to take me somewhere quiet and remote. Somewhere where we could lie in bed all day without worrying about someone disturbing us with wars and sickness. Somewhere where I could just lie in his arms all day and night and listen to the soothing monotone of his heartbeat.

I pulled my knees up and hugged them to my chest. The tears were slipping down my face before I even knew they were there. I leaned my side onto the wall of the cell.

The door opened and I saw Ward walk in. I moved to stand but my legs were too weak, instead I slumped against the wall. He was by my side in an instant helping to sit on the floor again. I used what little strength I had left and pulled him down to the floor with me. I wormed my way to sit between his legs and huddle as close to his chest as I could.

He started rubbing a soothing pattern across my lower back as he wrapped his other arm tightly around my side and closer to his body. A small smile wormed its way across my face at the tender gesture. He could kill a dozen men with those hands but they were always so gentle with me.

“What happened?” Ward asked quietly before he placed a gentle kiss to the crown of my head.

“I don’t know. You were gone, and I was cold and there was this _noise_.” I didn’t tell him about stabbing Trip. I didn’t need to. Why else would they let him in here with me if it wasn’t to just keep me from hurting anyone else who walked through that door?

“Simmons said that Trip should be fine. You missed the major arteries and the scalpel only caused minor damage.” Ward explained to me.

I nodded against his chest. If I should have cried over anything today it should be that, but no tears form in my eyes nor do I feel a single pang of regret for stabbing him. He was looking at me like I was a monster, so why should I feel bad about proving him right? He was brought onto this team to replace Ward but Ward’s right here and he’s not going anywhere! He’s not going anywhere without me.

I felt my eyes beginning to droop. Ward’s heartbeat was always the perfect lullaby. I nuzzled my head under his chin and let out a long drawn breath.

“What do you want to do?” Ward asked suddenly.

“What do you mean?” I asked sleepily.

“Do you want to stay or do you want to go?” He asked me like it was the most simple question in the world.

“Where would we go?” I asked him tentatively.

“Wherever you want. I have 6 safe houses. 3 are in the U.S., two are in Europe, and ones in Italy. Take your pick and we’ll be gone by morning.” Ward proposed calmly.

My mind was reeling with the implications of what he was asking me to do. I wanted to leave, yes, but I never thought he would actually think about it. Now that the chance was here, I didn’t know what to do. Do I leave or do I stay?

If I stay, everyone’s going to keep poking and prodding me until they figure out what’s making me kill people. If I stay, I have to deal with what’s happened to Coulson, and judging by how withdrawn May’s been, he could be in worse shape than I am. If I stay, I have to run the risk of losing Ward.

My breath hitched at that last thought. If they took Ward away I would probably slaughter everyone until I got him back, I might even do it with a smile on my face. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to deal with this without him. I couldn’t imagine not waking up in his arms. I couldn’t imagine not seeing his face and that small smile he reserved just for me.

If we left, it could all be over. We could have normal lives, or as normal as a spy and whatever-the-hell I am could have anyway. We could go on normal dates, dinner and a movie type stuff. We wouldn’t have to watch over our shoulders at all hours of the day. We could just be us, Grant and Skye.

I wanted to leave. That was the answer. But what I couldn’t understand was what would we do with the Team? I know Fitzsimmons would worry about me and May would probably want to take Ward into custody. I would miss them, sure, but they didn’t give me what Ward gave me. That sense of warmth, and safety, and love was something nobody gave me before he did.

Before I could answer the door opened again and May walked in. Her face was calm but it was easy to know she was defensive around me with the distance she kept between us. She sat in the chair in front of the table and kept her gaze locked with me. She nodded towards the other chair.

Ward stood us up and my legs had regained some of their strength, allowing me to stand on my own, but I still kept a grip on Ward’s shirt and had my head huddled closely to his chest.

Ward sat down in the chair with me in his lap. I wasn’t paying attention to the looks between May and Ward. Ward’s heartbeat was calming in my ear. My eyes were growing heavy again and I found myself fighting off the urge to close them and go into what I could only hope would’ve been a deep sleep.

“He’s not acting like you, you know.” May broke through my daze. I turned to look at her but I kept my head against Ward’s chest.

“He’s not as clingy to anyone nor as bloodthirsty. Fitz believes it’s because he’s one hundred percent human. Reverting back to base instincts means he’s holed up in his office ready to kill the first person who walks through the door.” May continues. Her gaze doesn’t harden or soften in my eyes. She turns her attention to Ward for a second before looking back at me.

“Fitz finished the blood analysis. Simmons was a little preoccupied and quite frankly, scared shitless.” May added casually. I cringed at the mention of Simmons. She must’ve been terrified right now and I haven’t done anything to alleviate any of those fears.

“Your bloodwork came back the same as it did the day after you were injected with the GH-325, clean, same with Coulson. Whatever’s happening to the two of you we don’t know what it is and I don’t know if there’s anything that can be done.” May recited these words to me as though she was reading a prompter.

“There has to be something.” Ward said exasperated. I lifted my head from his chest when his heart picked up pace. I nuzzled my face into his neck and breathed in his scent.

“The only one who knew anything about what’s happening is dead now.” May replied deadpanned. I knew she was talking about Raina, but I couldn’t find it in me to have even an inkling of a reaction to her words.

“Simmons can’t find anything, Fitz can’t come up with anything, and we’re running out of time!” May exclaimed impatiently. The thick mask of indifference she wore around everyone was breaking down.

“Running out of time for what?” Ward asked angrily as he tightened his grip on my waist. May looked down at the table avoiding his gaze instead of answering the question.

“No! No locking up! You know something and it has to do with the damn drug, now spill it!” Ward bellowed. His grip on my waist was now painful and I grimaced against his neck. He felt my face scrunch up against his skin and loosened his hole on me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Ward apologized quickly.

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” I smiled sweetly at him before giving a quick kiss on the lips before snuggling into his chest again. Here they are talking about what could be wrong with Coulson and I and all I can seem to care about is that Ward’s holding tightly against himself and it felt so good.

“The drug was for an experiment, project T.A.H.I.T.I.” May said quietly keeping her gaze locked on the table as though it held some fascinating secret.

“T.A.H.I.T.I.?” Ward repeated the name as though he misheard it. I knew he didn’t, he never mishears. His heartbeat is so soothing.

“It was a project Director Fury put together five years ago. The only people who knew about it were Fury, Hill, myself, and Coulson. The purpose of the project was to bring back soldiers that had fallen in battle, people that could never be replaced and were highly needed. The drug was used to repair the trauma to the body. The subjects showed stability at a fast rate, but there was a problem.” May explained finally lifting her eyes from the table to look at Ward.

“What kind of problem?” Ward probed. He’s so comfy.

“Mental instability,” May stated bluntly like ripping off a band aid. “The subjects would be fine for a few days, sometimes even weeks, but the end result was always the same: the brain couldn’t function as it did before; Memories would deteriorate, the patients would grow psychotic and even violent. The director of the project had it shut down after the fifth patient, a soldier we lost to an IED in a 0-8-4 mission in South Africa, brutally murdered one of the nurses and left her body hanging from the ceiling.”

I guess the urges weren’t just generic to me and wherever the hell I’m from. The drug must’ve been the one making me do those things.

“Who was the leader of the project?” Ward asked. His heartbeat was picking up, I didn’t like that.

“Agent Phil Coulson.” May said slowly before fisting her fingers in her hair in frustration.

I finally raised my head from Ward’s chest despite the desire to lay back down against it. Coulson was the head of the project? How can he lead the project but not remember anything that happened to him before Raina put him in that brain chamber?

“Fury had the project scrubbed from all records and isolated the facility from every S.H.I.E.L.D. agent except Hill and myself. After the Battle of New York, Coulson was treated there and Fury discovered a workaround for the psychosis: if the patients never had the knowledge that they were dead, then their psyches might remain intact from the trauma. So he had the doctors wipe everything pertaining to the project from Coulson’s memories and implant the ones of him relaxing on a beach sipping Mai Thai’s.” May finished.

“I wasn’t dead, so what’s happening to me?” I spoke up. Ward looked down at me and I saw the sadness in his eyes. I just wanted to kiss him and make the sadness go away. I turned back to May and she had the same sadness in her eyes.

“I don’t know.” May said quietly as she hung her head in shame.

We all sat silently. May and Ward were both probably thinking about ways to fix me. I was curled back into Ward’s chest and fighting off sleep. His heartbeat had calmed again and was back to the soothing lullaby I wanted it to be. I knew better than to go to sleep right now while they were trying to help me but I was so tired and Ward was so warm.

At some point I must’ve dozed off because when I opened my eyes I was still resting against Ward’s chest, but we were on the couch in the lounge instead of the cell.

“I thought you would be more comfortable here than in the cell.” I heard Ward say quietly above me. I felt him stroking my hair and I smiled at the notion. I snuggled deeper into his chest and released a content sigh.

“I’d be a lot more comfortable in a big, soft bed somewhere.” I told him truthfully.

“I’ll get you whatever you want, Skye.” Ward replied.

“What I _want_ is for everyone to stop poking and prodding me like I’m a damn lab rat and talking about me like I’m not even here.” I sighed exasperatedly.

“There just worried about you, Skye, so am I.” Ward tried to calm me.

“I’m fine, Grant. Look at me, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m the same Skye you threw a bag over all those months ago.” I told him in as sultry a voice as I could muster before I drew him in for a passionate kiss.

Ward responded to the kiss instantly, fisting his fingers into my hair and pulling me closer to him until I was straddling his lap. I heard him groan against my mouth and I felt a fire burning in my core.

I started trailing my lips down his jawline and neck, eager to find his pulse point. The hand Ward didn’t have in my hair moved down my side and cupped my ass. I moaned my approval into his skin as I bit down roughly on his neck, the only care I took was not to draw any blood. His grip on my ass increased as I continued nipping and kissing my way down his neck before returning to his lips.

My hands were roaming across his body before I palmed his package and started pulling up his shirt.

Before I could get his shirt off I heard footsteps coming from the staircase. I stopped my menstruations and heard a small whimper escape Ward’s lips, it took everything I had to not start again.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but –“I heard Fitz begin.

“What?!” I yelled louder than I meant to. Why did they always have to interrupt us? Was it too much to ask for maybe a few hours to ourselves without someone walking in with a goddamn war?

“May wants to see you, both of you.” Fitz said skittishly. I should have apologized to him, but why does he always have to interrupt?

I nodded at him and that was enough to send him on his way. I turned my face back to Ward and I lost my breath at the sight. His eyes were half-closed and had that glossy look that mixed in with the brown of his irises. His chest was pressing against the front of his shirt tightly with the deep, ragged breaths he was taken. I felt my core clench at the sight, almost forgetting that May wanted to talk to us and just continue with our, _activities._

“Come on, I guess we should see what she wants.” I sighed dejectedly while getting off his lap.

Ward was a little more unsteady on his legs and his pants looked uncomfortably tight. I could’ve helped him with that but it would’ve been very counterproductive. I grabbed his hand laced our fingers together before he started tugging me towards the staircase.

May was waiting outside the lab in the cargo hold. She was leaning against the glass panel with her arms crossed in front of her chest and her face as stoic as always staring at the landing strip outside of the hold.

“We can’t get Coulson out of his office. Every time I try, he throws something at me or tries to kill me.” May’s eyes looked like they were fighting off tears. I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t know much about the history between her Coulson but I knew there was a lot. If she hadn’t been so hostile to Ward these last couple of days I might’ve felt some sympathy for what she was going through.

“What do you want us to do?” Ward asked like he was expecting orders. I still didn’t like that he dropped into his soldier persona so easily.

“Fitz said that Skye might be able to get close enough to him to sedate him. After that, Simmons needs to examine him.” May said with a faraway expression etched onto her stony face.

“Why would he listen to me instead of you?” I asked wearily. I didn’t understand any of Fitzsimmons’ logic sometimes. One minute they could tell you about Isaac’s third law and the next you could be neck deep in one of their hypothetical experiments that S.H.I.E.L.D. would never allow them to perform. This was definitely in the latter. If Coulson even did open the door for me, which I don’t think he would, what can I say to convince him that he should leave the safety of his office?

“What if he tries to hurt her?” Ward voiced my concerns. I felt his hand press against my lower back and start rubbing a soothing pattern. I fought the urge to lean into his side. My skin was itchy.

“You ICE him. When he’s out you bring him down her to the lab. Fitzsimmons will restrain him and start the diagnostics.” May explained as she stood from the wall and fished an ICER from the waistband of her pants before handing the gun to Ward grip first.

“Understood. What else?” Ward questioned as he took the gun and checked the ammo before chambering a round. The magazine looked full, but I didn’t really get a good look at it. If all went well he would only need one round, but when has anything we’ve done ever gone to plan? My mouth was dry.

“Don’t kill him.” May directed the last order straight at me. So they did see Raina, of course they did! They had to! Was that why Simmons wanted to run the blood test, to see if the way I killed Raina was because of the drug?

I was distracted by the look of sadness in her eyes. Was this what she was reporting to Fury on? Was she waiting for Coulson to snap? Was she hoping he wouldn’t? May was known to keep her emotions locked down, but now she didn’t have much reason to. The only thing she wanted to do was keep Coulson safe, or at least that’s what I thought it was.

I nodded my head in acceptance of her hesitance with me. I know I must look like an animal right now but they still trust me to keep Ward on some form of a leash, or it could’ve been the other way around. My arms were cold.

Ward and I walked back up the stairs and started making our way to Coulson’s office before Ward stopped in front of me. He turned to me and I saw the conflict in his eyes as he struggled to form his thoughts into what he wanted to say to me.

“When this is over, I promise I will take you away from here. You’ll get that nice quiet place with that big bed and whatever else you want. I don’t care what the others say about you Skye, God knows I’ve done some terrible things in my life, but what’s happened to you is in your blood, same for me, and that’s not something you can change, it’s only something you can use.” Ward said to me as he cupped my cheek with a tender hand. I nuzzled the warm palm against my cold skin trying to steal some of that warmth for myself. My skin felt bare.

I nodded my head as a small smile wormed its way across my face. This man loved me. He didn’t care what I did, in fact he accepted it, he knew what it was like to kill, he knew the euphoria it sent through the body, making everything feel good. This man wanted me to embrace who I am and just forget everyone else, something I have been finding to be easier and easier with each passing day.

“Do you think we could go to Italy? I always wanted to see what it looked like.” I asked quietly stepping closer to him. I placed my hands on top of his firm chest and felt the heat radiating off of him.

“We’ll go wherever you want to.” He said simply. I nodded and laid my head against his chest and inhaled his scent. He was so calming. His every presence was a comfort when the storm of my brain would be getting to be too much to bear on my own.

“Let’s just get Coulson out of his office for now.” I said. My voice was slightly muffled against his chest. Ward let a small chuckle escape and the action reverberated through his chest vibrating my head and sending a shiver down my spine.

I raised my head from his chest and smiled at him warmly again before raising myself up to his level to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. When I pulled back he had a small smile on his face. Ward threaded a hand through my hair and my eyes fluttered closed at the gesture.

His hand slid from my hair down my shoulder to my hand where he laced our fingers together before he resumed the pacing to Coulson’s office door. Ward took the ICER out of the waistband of his pants before he let go of my hand. He stood against the wall by the door with the ICER trained on the floor, ready to be aimed at a moment’s notice.

I raised my knuckles to the door and started a tentative knock. The noise reverberated across the quiet interior of the Bus. I heard some movement on the other side of the door and tensed with the anticipation of what could be on the other side. Would Coulson even recognize me? I heard a thudding coming from the other side of the door.

I heard Ward pull the hammer back on the ICER and the click of the safety release. The thudding was getting louder. The doorknob turned and I saw light begin to fight its way through the darkness the door was revealing.

Ward pushed me out of the way and raised his ICER to the crack of the doorway. The door stopped opening. Ward signaled for me to stand in front of him. He kept his ICER trained on the doorway, ready to shoot the first thing that popped out.

“Coulson,” I spoke quietly. “Coulson, it’s me, it’s Skye. Everything’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you.”

“Yes you will, you’re going to kill me. You’re going to kill everyone. It’s in your blood.” I heard the reply. His voice was muffled from having a door in between us. Why would I kill everyone? What did he know?

“Coulson, just come out of there and walk with us to the lab, don’t make us come in there.” I heard Ward say like a stern parent trying to get their teenager to open their bedroom door.

“He spoke about you, Ward. Your connection with Skye. He said it was something he hadn’t seen before.” I saw Ward’s grip tighten on the ICER. “He said ‘he can keep her hunger at bay shall be the one to make it go away forever.’” Ward’s eyes narrowed on the crack in the door and I saw his muscles twitch.

“You make her hunger go away Ward, you can end this. But not before she feeds one last time, and the last feast will be more heinous than the first.” Ward kicked the door in and I heard a shot go off. My skin was almost burning.

Ward walked out of the room with an unconscious Coulson slung across his shoulders and made his way down the lounge to the stairs. I followed closely behind keeping my eyes closely trained on Coulson’s limp form.

May’s eyes flashed when she saw Coulson on Ward’s shoulders. Her face remained stoic but her eyes were starting to betray her indifference. Ward walked through the doors to the lab and placed Coulson on the cold metal table in the middle of the room.

“Do whatever you need to do.” He told Simmons before he placed a hand on my lower back and gently pushed me out of the room. I turned my head to look back at the table and I saw Simmons already prepping a syringe with some substance in it. Ward pushed a little harder to get me to walk out of the lab.

“Did he say anything to you?” May asked quietly. Her gaze was focused on the floor.

“No.” Ward lied. Why wouldn’t he tell May what Coulson said? Wasn’t this what she was preparing for since the Team was formed?

Why should he tell her? If he told her she would just want to take me somewhere to be poked and prodded like I’m a goddamned lab rat! If she so desperately wanted to know what Coulson told us she would just have to get the information from him herself!

Ward walked us back up the stairs and towards the bar. I guessed he could have used a drink after all of this. I know I could.

Ward pulled out a bottle of scotch from behind the counter and a couple of glasses. He poured the amber liquid gingerly. The liquid matched his eyes.

“Our drink kind of got, _interrupted,_ last time.” Ward said as he held one of the glasses out for me.

I smiled softly and took the glass before walking with Ward to the couch. We sat down and I leaned into his side. His body was always so warm and comforting, the perfect pillow.

The scotch burned down my throat. It was a pleasant sensation. My body relaxed into his more and he put an arm around my shoulder. Another smile made its way to my face.

“As soon as we’re done here, I’ll take you somewhere nice, quiet.” Ward said softly. His voice was low and gravely again and it was sending shivers down my spine.

“That sounds amazing.” I muttered sleepily. I nuzzled my head into the crook of his shoulder and he laid his head atop of mine.

This was nice. No fighting, no missions, no wars, just us. I took another swig of my scotch and it only increased the warmth I felt in my chest. The buzz was starting to work its way into my head and I relished the chance of just being a little drunk for a while.

Ward’s hand started trailing a lazy pattern up and down my arm. My head was growing foggy and sleep was starting to set in. I released a content sigh as he took my glass and laid us down across the couch. My body sunk into his and I snuggled against his chest, the soft thudding still the best lullaby.

That’s when the pulsing came back. It shot through my ears and forced my eyes open. This pulsing was different than the ones coming from Simmons or Trip, this one was strong and incessant in my ears. It was like it was forcing its way into my brain, trying to liquefy it.

I fisted Ward’s shirt, my knuckles turning white with the exertion. The pulsing was pounding through my skull now, making every movement a series of painful jolts.

“Skye, what’s wrong?” Ward asked quickly. He sat us up and starting checking around my head for a bruise or a cut or _something._ His voice dulled the pulsing a little and my grip on his shirt relaxed a little. My breath was coming in ragged gasps that I couldn’t stop.

“Make it stop.” I breathed.

“Make what stop?” He pleaded.

“Make it stop.” I said louder as I left his arms and practically ran down the stairs.

My feet were propelling down the steps two at a time of their volition. My vision narrowed and became far away. It was like I was watching someone else do things with my body.

The pulsing was painfully loud in my ears now the closer I got to the lab. May tried to stop me and I snapped the wrist of her outstretched hand and slammed her head against the glass door.

Fitzsimmons had Coulson laid across the lab table with Trip holding his shoulders steady. Coulson was fighting against them profusely and actually managed to break Trip’s grip once or twice, but Trip would always grab a hold of him. Trip seemed to be favoring his left leg, guess stabbing him kind of ruins your balance. Fitz was hooking wires and things to Coulson’s arm and head while Simmons bustled around getting various pieces of equipment. None of them knew I was in the lab.

The pulsing was at a bone-crushing intensity now and my molars were grinding against themselves to stifle the cries of pain I could feel working their up my throat. I could feel more than hear it coming from Coulson’s body.

My skin felt like it was on fire. My throat was dry and there was an empty void in my stomach. I started walking towards the table. Fitz saw me and his eyes went wide. My eyes must’ve gone black again. My vision centered on the scalpel laying on the surgeon’s tray by Simmons.

I reached my hand out for the scalpel and Simmons tried to stop me. When she stretched her arm out to move the tray away from me, I grabbed her forearm and stabbed the scalpel into her arm. Simmons’ cry of pain almost broke through my reverie, almost.

Fitz rushed and tried to overpower me. I bit into his shoulder and ripped a chunk of the muscle out. Fitz’s grip jerked away from me and his hand went straight to his wounded shoulder.

I swallowed the blood and muscle in my mouth and the void in my stomach only grew. I grabbed the scalpel that I had stabbed in Simmons arm and pulled it straight up. Blood glistened the piece of metal and looking at it made my skin feel like sand. Simmons crumpled to the floor and cradled her bleeding arm to her chest like a mother would a child.

I looked at the blood dripping from the scalpel and licked the excess off. The sweet metallic taste was heavenly against the burned feeling of scotch still present in my mouth.

Trip had long since let Coulson go and instead had a barrel of a gun leveled at my head. His eyes were wild and afraid. I cocked my head to the side and felt a small smirk snake its way across my face.

“What are you gonna do, Trip?” I asked slowly, trying to make my voice as seductive as possible.

“Stay where you are.” Trip responded. His voice was layered with a warning tone and fear.

“And what if I don’t?” I asked with a little bit of mirth, the smile on my face only grew as I saw his eyes flicker between me and Coulson.

“I put a round in your head.” Trip answered quickly. He pulled the hammer back on the gun to emphasize his point. Before I could take another step towards him, Coulson rolled off the table. Trip’s eyes moved from me to the table.

Coulson leapt from behind the table and leapt towards Trip. I sidestepped out of the way and watched with amusement as Coulson tackled Trip into the medicine cabinet. The hand that was holding the scalpel twitched with anticipation.

My body got tired of waiting for them to finish their fight. I walked over to Trip and raised the scalpel slightly, the blood felt soothing against my skin. When Coulson saw me he backed away, like a lowly animal who saw the predator and took their chance to escape.

Trip wasn’t so lucky though, he didn’t know how this worked. He didn’t understand my body’s need to feed, hell I didn’t understand it. All I knew about it was my body had a need to feed and I couldn’t find a reason to deny it what it needed.

I stabbed the scalpel into Trip’s collarbone producing a fresh stream of blood to cover Simmons’ blood. Trip’s muffled grunt of pain made a smirk appear on my face. I knocked the gun out Trip’s hand before grabbing a shard of glass from the medicine cabinet and plunged it into his neck.

Blood filled Trip’s throat and fizzled out through his slightly parted lips and down his chin. I licked my lips in anticipation of what lied within that damaged body.

I ripped the glass shard from his neck and watched the blood flood out of the puncture wound. Trip’s body crumpled to the floor in a heap after the blood stained its way down the side of his shirt and started pooling at his feet.

I looked around the lab for any sign of Coulson and found none. He must’ve ducked out while I was dealing with Trip.

I looked down at Trip, his body was almost covered in the blood seeping through his cuts. I knelt down near his level and I could feel the void in my stomach grow to almost painful emptiness. My mouth was watering with what I knew was beneath the brittle skin and bone.

I tore the scalpel from Trip’s collarbone and plunged it into his chest. The blade was small but it still broke the skin. I replaced the scalpel with my hand and burrowed my fingers into the small cut in the center of his chest.

The bones snapped and spread apart easily, almost as if they were raw clay. The object of my hunger had stopped working a few minutes ago, a pity, I was sure they would taste better would they be alive when I get to them.

I spread his ribcage with tenacity, the bones were in the way and I was hungry. Once the offending ribs were spread away from the object of my hunger my mouth was salivating with the anticipation.

I could see it glistening in the slick sheen of blood. I grabbed the organ and tore the arteries attached to it before beginning my meal.

The heart was warm and soft, decadent when mixed with the aftertaste of the scotch and blood from earlier. My teeth tore through the tissue with fervor, grinding the meat down to mush and swallowing it loudly.

Quickly the heart was gone. I was sad that the meal couldn’t have been larger, but it would have to do.

I felt the familiar exhaustion creeping up my bones as I slumped against the medicine cabinet. Trip’s blood was all over my clothes and skin but I didn’t care. My skin was cold and the blood was warm.

My eyes were so heavy. I closed my eyes as I heard the sound of a gun go off upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody have any predictions for where the story's heading? I'd love to hear them.  
> You can follow me on Tumblr at Zoroark3496.tumblr.com


	19. Chapter 19

The gunshot rung through my ears as my mind fell into sleep. I didn’t feel the arms wrapping around my body and lifting me from the floor. The arms laid me down on a soft surface, I assumed it was a bed. I nuzzled myself against the pillow and fisted the sheet beneath me. Whoever dropped me here, Ward probably, closed the door to the bunk.

The next few hours were a blur to me while I slept. I was blissfully unaware of whatever was happening on the plane. Every once in a while I would hear quiet muttering between some people outside the door, but no one would ever enter. I rolled over and tried to drown out the voices with a pillow.

When I woke I looked out the window of the bunk. It was night out and the moon bathed the airport in an almost translucent light. I raised myself from the bed and felt a crick pop in my neck. I stretched my sore muscles and felt the dried blood crackle against my skin. My head was foggy. A light pounding was working its way around my skull and settling near my eardrums.

The memories from a few hours ago came back in a flash and I felt the tears streaming down my face. My body was convulsing with bone-racking sobs. I hit May. I stabbed Simmons! I took a bite out of Fitz, and Trip, Trip I fed on!

My stomach was turning into a tangled jungle of knots and I bolted from the bunk. The Bus was dark, but I had no need for light. I remember making several trips to the kitchen in the dark and raiding the fridge for some type of snack food when I was up late going through newsfeeds.

As soon as I was in front of the kitchen sink my stomach purged itself of everything. The vomit still wasn’t green, but it wasn’t blackened either, it was pure, red blood. The vomit burned as it worked its way up my throat and out my mouth. I could feel chunks get stuck in my throat that I would cough out into the sink. Whether those chunks were pieces of Fitz’s shoulder or Trip’s heart I didn’t know.

The blood that was still dried to my face and arms dampened again when the dribble from the vomit snaked its way down my chin and around my shoulders. My body was still shuddering even after the heaving stopped. My stomach was still convulsing and trying to force something out, but nothing ever came.

I heard footsteps behind me and my shoulders tensed. Someone was probably trying to seek retribution for killing Trip. I knew Fitzsimmons were, _incapacitated,_ so that left May, Ward, and Coulson. The footfalls were light, but they were all trained to be quiet when walking in potential enemy territory.

“Skye,” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding when I heard Ward’s voice behind me. My muscles lost the tension they were holding when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Are they okay?” I asked shakily.

“They could be worse. I have them sedated and patched up. May took a pretty hard blow to the head, but she’ll be fine. It’s Coulson I’m worried about.” Ward explained to me.

“What happened to him?” I pushed. I remembered he was in the lab with everyone but I didn’t where he went when I got to Trip.

“While you were, _busy,_ Coulson stalked up here and tried to get the drop on me. I tried to hit him with the ICER again but May knocked the gun out of my hand before I could aim properly. Coulson knocked her back out and ran out of the cargo hold.” Ward walked me through the events as he planted his hands on my hips and lifted me to the island at the end of the kitchen.

He walked to the cupboard and got out a mixing bowl. Ward held it under the sink and filled it with warm water. He grabbed a rag from a drawer near the sink and walked back over to me.

“Take off your shirt please.” Ward asked deadpanned. Was he ever going to be disappointed in me? This is the third person I’ve killed and it was _Trip!_ We _knew_ him!

I still complied with his request immediately and tugged my shirt up with no protest except from my sore upper body. Ward dipped the rag in the bowl and proceeded to clean the dried blood from my skin. The rag was soft and warm and heavenly against my skin. My eyes fluttered shut at the soft feeling.

This whole situation was too familiar to just a day ago. Was this my life now? I go out and, _feed_ on whoever and afterwards Ward cleans me up? It didn’t sound that farfetched from reality considering the circumstances. As Ward continued scrubbing my arms with a tenderness I’ve only seen him take with me, my mind began to wander.

I flashed back to the simpler times, the times where I was just a pissed off hacker trying to learn who she was. My old life was a far cry from the emotional turmoil it had become. I looked at the rag as Ward dunked it in the bowl again before moving onto my shoulders. The water was clean originally but now it was almost translucently red.

My mind eventually settled back to the memories before HYDRA, before Raina, just me and an overbearing SO trying to get me mission ready before I infiltrated a billionaire’s house party. The training sessions were like a faraway memory that set a warmth ablaze in my chest. A small smile broke into my face as I stared at into the distance beyond Ward’s shoulder.

In my peripheral I saw Ward’s mouth moving but I couldn’t make out the words. My mind was preoccupied with a game of Battleship in the morning.

“Skye,” I felt Ward’s fingers tuck under my chin and force me to look at him. His brown eyes were laced heavily with concern. I blinked at him and I guess he understood that I was paying as much attention as I could.

“I cleaned the blood off, you should go take a shower while I check on the others.” I only now saw his attire. Fresh jeans and one of his light sweaters. He must’ve cleaned up while I was out.

I nodded absentmindedly and hopped off the island. My thighs screamed at me for the impromptu movement but I managed to swallow the grunt of pain that welled up in my throat. Ward obviously caught me because I saw his hand tense like he was ready to carry me to the shower himself.

I watched Ward’s back disappear from the kitchen before I made my way back to my bunk to gather some clothes. The small drawers under my bunk were the same as before. Most of my clothes were in the duffel that was in Lola’s trunk. I still had a few pieces of clothing, though, so I was able to find a shirt and a pair of shirts as well as some underwear.

When I turned to leave my bunk I saw May staring at me. She had the shirt I left in the kitchen wadded up in one of her hands. The other hand was bandaged from the bottom half up to mid-forearm. Even the Calvary had to deal with broken bones I guess.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly locking my gaze with her boots. I couldn’t look her in the eye.

“It’s nothing.” I heard her say as she pushed my shirt into my hands.

I kept my eyes pointed at a fixed point on the floor around May’s feet as I took the shirt in my hands. I threw it in the laundry basket by the floor as May took her leave.

I left my bunk and headed for the shower. The bathroom was the same as when I left it, small, clean and forced to endure having six people of various cleaning habits use it daily. Simmons’ loofa was hanging on the showerhead next to Fitz’s shower cap. My body-wash was still sitting on the shelf inside the shower stall.

I turned on the water and waited for it to warm up. I removed my bra and started unbuttoning my jeans. My muscles protested every movement but I swallowed all of the little grunts and moans of pain that were trying to escape me. My shoes were the hardest to get off because my back was unbelievably sore. Bending over was a challenge in itself, when I actually started trying to undo the laces I thought my fingers were going to snap off.

When I was finally out of my clothes I stepped into the stream of water. The warmth was pleasant against my skin for a number of reasons, the most being the sore muscles in my neck and shoulders. I let the water run down my skin for a moment and just basked in the blissful sensation.

I picked up the body-wash and a cloth. The wash was still the pungent green color that smelled of cucumbers. The aroma was intoxicating and let a small smile appear on my face. The wash felt amazing when it was soaped up and spreading across my skin. The cucumber smell permeated the air and overpowered the metallic smell of the dried blood that Ward couldn’t get off my shoulders.

Once my body felt properly clean I picked up the bottle of shampoo, strawberries; I always liked smelling like a fruit salad. I poured the substance into my hand and lathered it between my fingers before I worked it into my dark tresses.

The dried blood in my hair was stubbornly hanging onto the strands as I tried to coerce it out. I felt little jolts of pain as a few strands were actually ripped out when the blood just wouldn’t let go. I ran my hair under the warm water to rinse the shampoo out and I saw the drain taking in a mixture of suds, water, and freshly hydrated blood.

I stayed under the spray for a few more minutes to just feel the water bead on my skin. Once the water started feeling cooler, I turned off the spray and stepped out into the small bathroom. I wiped the fog off the mirror and finally looked at myself.

I looked the same: brown eyes, brown hair, no blackened pupils or blood sticking to my skin. I still felt dirty though. The blood was gone but it wasn’t. I could still feel the bones cracking under my fingers. I could still taste the soft flesh of their hearts. I could still hear the choking noises the waitress was making while she choked on her own blood.

A knock on the door brought me out of my revere. The person’s fingers drummed against the door again and I hurriedly dressed myself before making my way towards the knocking. I opened the door and was greeted with a calm, downtrodden Ward.

“Hey,” I spoke softly.

“Hey, Fitzsimmons are resting and May’s, I guess you could say licking her wounds, back in her bunk.” Ward replied.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against his chest. This was all so fucked up. I didn’t want any of this. I just wanted to be with Ward. Why did this have to get so fucked up?

“Can we just leave, please?” I begged him. Tears were slowly starting to build in my eyes. I forced them down. I wasn’t going to cry over this. This is what I’ve done.

“We leave tomorrow morning. May’s made arrangements with General Talbot. He’s going to take Coulson into custody and place Fitzsimmons in a proper hospital before letting them go.” Ward told me gently.

I raised my head from his chest and looked at him quizzically. Why would May make a plea bargain? Why would she allow them to take Coulson into custody? She couldn’t honestly believe that Talbot will keep his end of the bargain, the last time he tried to kill us!

“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked him while moving my hands up to his shoulders and gripping them tightly.

Ward sighed and leaned his forehead against mine. My eyes fluttered shut at the warm sensation rushing through my skin from his forehead to mine.

“Before they let Coulson go, he’s going to have him tested on to see what the GH-325 has done to him.” Ward breathed. His breath was heavenly against my skin.

“Where are we going to go than?” I asked quietly.

“Do you still want to see Italy?” Ward grinned.

A small smile wormed its way to my face while I raised my hands from his shoulders to wrap them around his neck and leaning back against the wall by the bathroom.

“Do I get a giant bed and a view of the countryside?” I asked seductively.

“You get whatever you want. We can be there in two days if we leave early enough in the morning.” Ward said before he dipped his head to kiss me softly. He pulled away a second later and I groaned in protest.

Ward’s hands came to rest on my hips and gave them a soft squeeze. My body was getting that familiar burning that came with Ward’s touch. I pulled his head back down and sealed his lips with mine. I felt his tongue swipe my bottom lip and ask for entrance. I had to oblige.

Ward’s tongue curled around mine. I moaned happily into his mouth and tightened my arms around his neck forcing him closer to me. I felt his hands start wander up my shirt and get closer to my breasts, leaving a trail of fire where his fingers move across. I broke the kiss and started trailing my lips down his neck and nipping at his pulse point with pent up fervor.

“We should,” Ward tweaked one of my nipples between his nipples and my breath hitched. “Move this back to my bunk.” I huffed out before I bit down on Ward’s pulse point rather roughly eliciting an explicative from him.

Ward’s hands paused centimeters from my breasts. I could feel the heat coming from his palms. His hands moved from under my shirt to grip my ass roughly before hauling me up like I weighed nothing. I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly and grounded myself against his crotch. He was already hard and ready for me.

Ward walked us back to my bunk while I continued trailing my lips across his face and neck while tugging on the hairs on the back of his neck. I felt his hand fumbled with the latch to the sliding door.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need Skye for a few minutes.” May spoke up. I groaned against Ward’s neck and I felt Ward’s shoulders slump. I unwrapped myself from him and he dropped my feet to the floor.

“What is it?” I asked pressing my forehead against Ward’s bicep.

“Coulson’s awake, and he wants to talk to Skye.” She said bluntly.

“Like hell!” Ward yelled. The arm he had on my shoulders tightened around me.

“Ward, calm down. All he wants is to speak to Skye for a few minutes. We’ll be in the Command Center listening to the whole thing.” May tried to calm him.

I wrapped my arms around Ward’s torso and nuzzled against his chest. “I’ll be okay, Ward.”

Ward sighed in frustration. He walked away from me and my body felt cold without his touch.

“If Coulson so much as twitches, I put a bullet in his brain.” Ward snarled at May. I felt my blood run cold at his words. This wasn’t Soldier Ward or Protective Ward, this was Eliminate the Threat Ward and that was the Ward everyone should’ve been scared of.

May didn’t flinch at his threat nor did her face lose the stoic expression I had come to associate with her. She breathed in and out slowly and I saw her fists clench, whether that was voluntary or not I didn’t know.

“Fine.” May blinked slowly. “And if _you_ make a move I don’t like, I put a bullet in yours.”

“Fine.” Ward growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for anybody who's wants to know about Italy, it's where I want to take the love of my life, whenever it is that I meet her, for a special occasion, either for the engagement or for an anniversary at some point afterwards. I'm a romantic, deal with it!


	20. Chapter 20

I stood outside the Cell with my shoulders tightly tensed with anticipation. Ward and May were in the Command Center watching the whole thing but that did little to alleviate my nerves. I didn’t know what Coulson was thinking, but I knew that if it pertained to the GH-325 it couldn’t be any good.

I raised my hand toward the handle and saw my fingers shaking. I shouldn’t have been this nervous, it was just Coulson. There wasn’t anything I needed to be worried about. May said that if anything happened her and Ward would come running, and maybe put a bullet in Coulson’s head. I didn’t like that idea.

I willed my hand to be steady. I wrapped my fingers around the handle and turned it. I heard the swift intake of air to the pressurized room. I pushed the door open and kept my eyes focused on a fixed point on the wall.

I heard shuffling in the room and I knew Coulson was treating everyone who walked through the door like a threat. I didn’t blame him for that though, in the last day alone he’s been shot at and prodded like he was a damn lab rat. I wasn’t sure that I wouldn’t treat everyone like the enemy if they came after me again. I wasn’t sure I would blame them for coming after me either, it wasn’t like I didn’t give them ample reason to put me down.

I closed the door and turned my attention to Coulson who was sitting in the chair leaning against his arms which were braced on the table. If I didn’t know any better I would just assume this was an ordinary day where Coulson was pulling me aside to tell he dug up something on my family or the blue alien in the Guest House.

“They said you wanted to talk to me.” I said as I pulled the metal chair out and sat down.

“I do,” Coulson replied evenly.

“Well, I’m here, so what is it?” I couldn’t play games this time. I needed straight answers and he was only the only who seemed to have them.

“You fed.” Coulson stated.

“How can you tell?” I asked. Everyone else had seen Trip, Coulson ran away before he could see what happened.

“You look rested, energetic. You rest easier when you satisfy the craving. I’m sorry it had to be Trip, but it was going to be somebody on this plane.” Coulson explained nonchalantly as though he was reading a passage from a book.

“What’s happening to me?” I asked tentatively. He knew something he just wasn’t saying it.

“You’re changing, and it can’t be avoided.” Coulson started before reaching into the waistline of his pants. I glanced back at the corner of the ceiling above the door where I knew May and Ward were watching.

“Coulson, don’t do anything stupid.” I told him without moving my eyes from the little black lens in the corner.

“It’s alright, Skye. They’re not going to do anything to me. You are.” I turned around and I saw Coulson holding a knife in his hand.

I stood up abruptly and the metal chair clambered on the floor. I eyed Coulson as though he was going to come across the table and attack me.

The door opened and Ward came barreling in with a gun trained on Coulson’s head. Coulson backed away from the table slightly but he didn’t lower the knife. I ducked behind Ward and tucked myself into the corner of the room.

“Think, Ward, you know as well as I do that if she doesn’t kill me soon, something bad is going to happen.” Coulson reasoned. Ward’s shoulders didn’t falter though and his gun remained poised ready to put a bullet through Coulson’s head at the first sign of trouble.

“Put down the knife; up against the wall; no sudden moves.” Ward ordered calmly as he released one hand from the grip of the gun to feel around behind his back for me.

I latched onto his hand with mine and he pulled me to be pressed against his side. I curled my hands into his shirt and locked eyes on the knife in Coulson’s hand.

“Why do you want me to kill you?” I asked exasperatedly.

“It’s fact, Skye. None of this has been left up to chance, I’ve seen this all happen. The people you’ve fed on, the one you killed, it’s all happening before my eyes and this is just the next step.” Coulson preached as he took a step closer to me.

A shot rang off in the Cell. It was a real gun and not an ICER. That meant there were real bullets in it. The shot hit the wall slightly to the right of Coulson’s head, barely missing his ear. Ward kept the gun steady while Coulson dropped the knife startled.

“If she doesn’t kill you, then what? Talk!” Ward demanded.

“If she doesn’t kill me then you will. I am supposed to die, Ward. Why can’t you just accept that and get it over with?” Coulson pleaded.

“That’s not how we do things, Coulson. You already died once why would you die again?” Ward urged him on. I pressed myself tighter against his side and tried to bury my face into his shoulder blade.

“The drug opened my eyes, Ward. I see everything! The way you live, the way I die, what happens to her! I’ve seen it all. Just put the bullet in me and this will all stop, she’ll stop.” Coulson started bending down to pick up the knife when Ward fired another warning shot above Coulson’s head.

“On your feet!” Ward growled. His shoulders were tensed. I could feel them trembling against my fingers.

Coulson stood back up straight and held his hands in the air.

“Now how will killing you stop whatever’s happening to Skye?” Ward asked.

“If she kills me, then the connection will be severed, the symbols will stop controlling her.” Coulson explained.

“What symbols?” Ward asked quietly shifting his head slightly to look at me.

I shook my head. I didn’t anything about any goddamn symbols! I killed people and spread their blood on my skin before I ate their hearts, what kind of symbol is that?

“She can’t see them. You can’t see them. Nobody can see them! Nobody except for me.” Coulson paraded around the Cell now and I saw Ward’s trigger finger twitch every time Coulson got closer to us than Ward liked.

“You’ve heard them, haven’t you? You’ve heard the symbols talking to you. The buzzing noise in your head that doesn’t stop until you break someone!” Coulson knew about the pulsing? Did he hear it? Was that why he killed Garrett?

“Who’s talking to her? Who’s making her do these things?” Ward pushed.

“Why the very people who killed a village for her! It’s her parents! Dear Mommy and Daddy want the baby girl to come home! They can all feed on the hearts of mortals until their pruned hearts are content!” Coulson exclaimed.

No, no, no… This was not happening. I was an orphan. Mom and Dad died in that village in China. I don’t have any living relatives. I grew up in an orphanage. That’s everything. My parents are dead!

“What do her parents have to do with this?” Ward voiced my question.

“They’re the ones telling her she needs to feed; needs to accept who she is, _what_ she is!” Coulson yelled.

“Why would my parents want me to kill you then, you don’t even know them!” None of this makes any sense! If my parents wanted to contact me why do they need Coulson? Why do they want me to kill him?

“They want you to kill me so I don’t hold you back anymore, Skye. Your kind mates for life. Sure you pick up a lover or two but there’s only one who can calm the beast inside you. They know that it’s either him or me, so I’m stepping back, giving you the chance to end this.

“Kill me and the connection’s dead. They won’t be able to find you anymore and you’ll be safe with Ward. Do it, please.” Coulson urged.

“I can’t just _kill you!_ ” Tears were swimming in my eyes now.

“You have to, Sk-“He was cut off by the sound of a gun firing.

I turned to the door of the Cell and saw May holding an ICER. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I turned back to Coulson and saw him sprawled out on the floor unconscious.

Ward clicked the safety on his gun and placed it back in the waistband of his jeans. I sagged against his right side and his arm wrapped around my shoulders to steady me.

“Get her out of here, now.” May ordered calmly as she walked over to Coulson.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of Coulson and my legs were glued to the floor. Ward tried to move me but my knees buckled and I crumbled to the floor. I was in shock. I couldn’t move. I was amazed that I could breathe. The man I thought of as a father wanted me to kill him.

Ward knelt down by me and took me in his arms. He cradled my head to his chest. I didn’t know I was crying until I felt his shirt gain a wetness that wasn’t there before. My body wasn’t shaking with sobs nor was my breath coming in short gasps.

The tears were incessant and I could feel them wetting my hair. I fisted Ward’s shirt in my hand and pulled him closer as I buried my head in his chest. A choked sob left my lips.

I felt Ward ghost a kiss on my scalp. His hand wove through my hair soothingly as he tightened his grip around me. He was whispering soft assurances to me and it quelled the roaring in my chest to a dull thumping. I felt him lay his head atop of mine.

“We need to go, Skye.” I heard Ward mumble against my hair.

I did my best to nod in understanding. He picked me up with him and walked me out of the room. I had a death-grip on his shirt, it was as though if I let go the ground would crumble beneath me.

The walls of the Bus were blurry as Ward half-carried me across the plane. I felt the winding motion of the staircase that led to the cargo hold. I closed my eyes and pushed my head against his chest. His heartbeat was soothing as always.

When I felt us come to a stop, I blinked a couple of times to try and improve my vision. I saw the door of the SUV. I reached my hand out to the panel and felt the cool metal against my skin.

“I want you to stay here for a few minutes while I check on Fitzsimmons.” Ward’s words reverberated through his chest and I felt a small shiver run down my spine.

I moved my hand from the door panel and wrapped my arms around his middle. I nuzzled my head against his chest and felt his own arms wrap tightly around my shoulders. I tilted my head up and Ward dipped his to place a light kiss on my lips.

“Okay,” I replied simply. I pressed myself against his front again before I released him. Ward smiled warmly at me and my mind felt at ease.

I opened the door of the SUV and climbed inside. The leather was cool against my palms. I leaned back against the seat and took a few deep breaths. My mind was beginning to swim with thoughts of what was going to happen to us.

Was Ward going to jail? Was everyone going to jail? Was Coulson serious about my parents reaching out to him through the drug? Were they even alive?

I always thought my parents were spies or something and I wasn’t allowed to be with them. I thought they placed in St. Agnes to keep me safe. I knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. were actually the ones who put me in St. Agnes, and it wasn’t to keep me safe. No, it was to watch me, see if I turned into what my parents did and put me down when it happened.

Ward would protect me. I knew that. I knew that he would rather kill everyone here than let them experiment on me like I’m some goddamn lab rat. He would get me out of here. All I’d have to do is ask and he would make us disappear. We could live in an apartment somewhere and be free from all the spies and wars and fighting. We could just be us.

I turned myself sideways in the chair and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my head on my forearms and sagged against the seat.

I was snapped out of my daze when I heard a crash in the lab. I looked through the windshield and all I saw was the table. I knew the noise came from the back of the lab so I opened the door and got out of the SUV.

The lab was still covered in the assorted blood from Fitzsimmons and Trip. Trip’s body wasn’t by the medicine cabinet anymore so Ward must’ve moved him off the plane or something. I walked past the island in the middle toward the armory and heard shuffling from the back of it.

“Fitz! Fitz, you need to stop!” I heard Ward struggle behind a rack with the rifles. Something thumped against the rack and I hurried around the corner to see Ward trying to wrestle away a rifle from a ravenous looking Fitz.

“She killed Trip! She stabbed Simmons! How can you tell me that she doesn’t need to die?” Fitz screamed as he tried to pry the rifle from Ward’s much stronger grasp.

“She didn’t mean to attack you Fitz. She can’t control it. Something is making her do this, and we need to find out what it is so we can stop it.” Ward tried to explain.

“There is no stopping it, Ward!” Fitz yanked the rifle towards him again but Ward did his best to hold steadfast. “You didn’t see her. The look in her eyes, past the black; she knew who we were; she just didn’t care. All she cared about was her next bloody _meal_.” Fitz pushed Ward against the rack and managed to stifle his grip on the rifle long enough to get it away from him.

This was the first time I got a good look at Fitz since the _incident._ He looked the same more or less, aside from the few bruises on his face and the gauze covering his bloodied shoulder. He held the rifle against his good arm as steady as he could but I could see his aim faltering. Holding the rifle up must’ve been putting a considerable strain on his bad shoulder.

I scanned the room as best I could and I saw a handgun sitting on an ammo crate a few feet away. Fitz’s aim with the rifle was unsteady but I knew better than to try to outrun an onslaught of bullets. My stomach started burning with the memory of the two bullets sitting in it a few weeks ago.

Fitz saw my eyes flickering between him and the gun and his finger moved to the trigger.

“Stay where you are.” Fitz warned. I saw Ward watching him closely, ready to attack at the first sign of Fitz making a move.

We were at a standstill. If I made a move, then Fitz would start firing and I would most likely die. If Fitz made a move, Ward would snap his neck and then we lose Fitz. Trip was bad enough but at least I didn’t know him too well so it wasn’t like we were BFF’s or anything.

Fitz’s shoulders were still shaking, whether it was from adrenaline or the pain in his injured shoulder, I didn’t know. I saw Ward rise from the rack as quietly as he could. He looked at me and gave a small nod confirming an unknown plan.

I dove behind the crate and heard the sound of machine gun fire fill the air. The bullets riddled through the armory and I hugged myself to the crate and curled into as tight a ball as I could.

I heard the shooting stop and the last few shell cases hit the floor. There was the sound of the smack of skin on skin and I heard a body hit the floor.

I took the chance and raised my head above the crate. I saw Fitz lying unconscious on the ground and Ward removing the magazine from the rifle before throwing both pieces the floor behind Fitz.

A relieved sigh left my mouth as I ran to Ward and threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I took deep breaths and tried to get my heart rate back under control. Ward put his arms around me tightly and started combing one of his hands through my hair.

He was whispering soft assurances into my hair and I felt the shaking in my shoulders start to subside. His heartbeat was soft and soothing against my ear. I slumped against him and I felt Ward’s arms tighten around my shoulders to keep me upright.

“We need to go. It’s not safe here anymore.” He whispered.

“I know.” I really did. Fitzsimmons were terrified of me and Coulson was unstable at best. May could take care of them. She could get them away from us and keep them safe.

Ward would take care of me. He would take me to a nice place somewhere far away and keep all the scientists and governments from finding us.

I still felt tears sting my eyes though. Leaving with Ward meant giving up this small family I found. The only real people to take me in and not give me back. I knew it was S.H.I.E.L.D. keeping an eye on me during those years but it didn’t ease the pain of being sent back to St. Agnes when a foster family would say I just wasn’t a “good fit.”

This family was all I had. It was the only constant I had ever known. Mom and Dad and the kids. I didn’t want to give it up but I knew that if Ward and I stuck around for much longer than I was bound to kill them all.

Whether I liked it or not, what Coulson said about the feedings did make sense. I was always so tired until I fed, then all I wanted to do was fuck Ward senseless and take a nap wrapped in his arms.

I didn’t know I was sobbing until I felt Ward’s hand stroking my lower back in a soothing pattern.

“Our bags are in the car.” Ward said after I calmed down a little.

I looked up at him with tears still swimming in my eyes threatening to fall. “When…”

“I ran back to the hotel to get our stuff while you were asleep.” He explained.

“What about the deal with Talbot?” I asked.

“You and I were never part of the deal. May’s going to count us off as casualties in the war. The deal she made is for Fitzsimmons to get taken care of and Coulson to be looked at while she spends a few days with Talbot telling him what he wants to know.” Ward said as he brushed some hair away from my face.

I nodded and leaned back into his embrace needing to hear his heartbeat for a little while longer to fully calm down.

“Let me get Fitz back in his bunk, then we’ll leave.” Ward said as he pulled me from his chest.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself feeling as though if my grip faltered I would shatter into pieces.

Ward bent down and hefted Fitz into his arms. My heart clenched for how scared the engineer must’ve been. I’ve never seen him shoot an ICER let alone an assault rifle.

I walked out of the armory and went to the car. The leather seats were cool and a welcoming comfort. I left the door and let my legs hang outside the car while I waited on Ward.

A few lone tears fell down my face and I wiped them off with my hand as I thought about everything I had to give up. Family, friends, and the only real home I’ve ever had, and all because I’m a monster. Ward’s all I have left. It’s not bad, but am I selfish for wanting to be able to have everybody?

I leaned my head against the seat and tried to dry my eyes. Tears weren’t going to help the situation and I knew Ward’s resolve to take me away from all of this hinged on me wanting it. And I did want it, I was just gonna miss this family I found.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard footsteps on the stairwell. I wiped my face furiously to get rid of any stray tears before he could see me.

The driver side door opened and Ward sat down in the seat. I pulled my legs back into the car and shut the door before putting on my seatbelt.

“You sure about this?” Ward asked before he started the engine.

I looked at him incredulously. Why was he still questioning _my_ resolve?

“Yes, you promised me Italy.” I reminded him with a sweet smile.

Ward let out a small chuckle and a smile at that. I returned the smile and put my hand on the back of his neck to pull him in for a quick kiss.

“They’ll be better off without us and even if we stayed, they’d try to take you away from me.” I wasn’t stupid. I knew Ward wasn’t going to be long for the light of day as long as we were around Coulson and May.

I saw Ward hang his head slightly as though he felt guilty. Maybe he did, he probably felt responsible for making me give up this small family I found. I didn’t care though, they were trying to take him away and I didn’t want him to go. I wanted Ward to stay. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me and keep me with him.

Ward took my hand in his and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. Butterflies swam in my stomach at the tender gesture.

“Italy it is then.” Ward said as he let go of my hand and put the car in gear.

The view of the BUS in the rearview mirror grew smaller as we sped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a few minutes to say this: to everyone who has ever viewed this story, I thank each and every one of you for sticking with me through this tirade of very fucked up dark!skyeward that probably didn’t make any sense to anybody.
> 
> I would really love to hear your thoughts on the story in general as this is the chapter before the epilogue. This started as a romantic/horror story that I don’t think stuck well to my intentions.
> 
> The epilogue will be posted in about a week or two and then that will be it for this story. If anybody has any story suggestions I would love to hear them. I haven’t thought much in anymore long-running fics but there’s a lot I want to use with what we’ve seen so far in S2.


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end.

I stood outside on the patio. I could see the sunset over the small mountain and it was a breathtaking site that warmed my heart. I lifted my wine glass to my lips and took a sip as I appreciated the unrelenting beauty before me.

 

“Do you always have to watch the sunset?” I heard a familiar voice ask me as I felt two strong arms wrap around my middle.

 

“Grant, I always either watch the sunset or the ceiling at this time, you should know that by now.” I tried to maintain a stern voice but that was rather hard when he started pressing openmouthed kisses around my pulse point before dragging the sensitive flesh into his mouth.

 

I leaned my head back to give him better access and reached my hand up to tangle my fingers in his short thick hair. A small moan left my lips when he lightly bit down on the skin.

 

My stomach growled before we could take this any further. I heard Ward chuckle against my neck and I elbowed him lightly in his stomach. My own laugh escaped my lips as I laced our fingers together on my abdomen.

 

“We have work in Bruges. We’ll get something to eat on the way.” Ward said as he spun me around in his arms and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

 

When we left S.H.I.E.L.D. Ward took a job as a hit-man. With his reputation as a former specialist and a HYDRA assassin the pay was pretty nice. He’d get one or two jobs a month for a few million each and we would spend the rest of the time either lounging around the house or going out and doing something, “normal.”

 

A somewhat normal thing I did was get my hair cut. I wanted to try something new and Ward supported my decisions to get bangs. I went to a stylist and they spent a good two hours getting the lengths right. It wasn’t cheap but money wasn’t exactly a _problem_ anymore.

 

I still had cravings so more often than not I would go with Ward on the jobs and he would let me kill and feed on whoever he was sent to kill that day. I stopped passing out afterwards by the fourth or sixth feeding and now I can clean myself. I still let Ward do it because I like his hands running a cloth over my skin. Whenever I couldn’t go with him on a job, I usually just found someone from the local prison and fed on them. Ward has on more than one occasion come home to a couple of bodies lying on the island in the kitchen.

 

\--

_“Skye, what happened?” Ward asked slowly. He knew I wasn’t in any danger, but I guess he still didn’t like surprises._

_“I got hungry and you were working.” I laughed at his bewildered expression. “Relax, they’re from the prison up the road. One of them was a murderer and the other was a rapist. No one’s going to miss them.”_

_Ward let out an exasperated sigh. “I’ll get the shovel.”_

_“I’ll make it up to you tonight!” I called out in as sultry a voice as I could manage._

 

\--

 

“Hey, Skye.” Ward snapped his fingers in front of my eyes to coax me out of my daydreaming.

 

“Yeah?” I replied.

 

“Can you run support, or do I need to get you a fix?” Ward asked as he moved the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes.

 

“Well, I’d like a nice Italian dinner and so I shouldn’t spoil my appetite.” I laced my arms around his neck and laid my head against his chest.

 

Ward let out a light chuckle at that and let me go. He turned around and walked back into the house towards the staircase.

 

The house itself wasn’t anything special, an average 3-2 in the Italian countryside, but it was beautiful, and more importantly, _ours._ S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t here to kick me out of it and HYDRA wasn’t here to call him away.

 

I walked with Ward to the spare room closest to the hall bath. Inside was his entire arsenal. Snipers, pistols, shotguns, and others I didn’t bother to learn the name of. He also had an assortment of knives that I found myself gravitating towards.

 

My favorite knife was what I liked to call “Beth.” She was a medium-length blade with a serrated lower half. She made the men scream in agony before I fed on them. Ward always made sure to clean it while he was working on his guns and keep it sharp for me.

 

“You know she’s a bitch to clean.” I heard Ward say from behind me. He was taking his rifle apart and checking the pieces before prepping a couple magazines and a pistol. He usually carried his own knife but he preferred guns.

 

“Aw, but she looks so pretty when we go hunting.” I replied. He’d clean it anyway.

 

“She’s not the only one.” Ward admonished as he turned his attention back to his baby. He loved me but he _adored_ that rifle. Whenever he had an excuse to shoot it he would.

 

I remembered one time when I was watching the clouds roll by on the patio when I started hearing the dulled-down bang noise from the rifle in Ward’s shooting range in the basement. I don’t remember if I yelled at him about it before or after we fucked on the table though.

 

I heard a zipping sound behind me and I put the knife in its sheath. Ward snaked his arms around my middle and started kissing the side of my neck.

 

“Later, I promise you.” I urged him to stop. If he didn’t I knew that we would’ve wound up missing our flight.

 

“You’re damn right.” He smirked against my neck.

 

Ward took my hand in his and walked me to the SUV that sat in the driveway. I found he preferred trucks to cars which suited me just fine. My van had to be left behind in the states but that wasn’t a big loss.

 

The drive to the airport was silent aside from the idle chatter that we would use to fill the air. He would tell me about the location in hopes that I wouldn’t just walk in, stab the guy, and leave.

 

“Some corporate bigwig in an Armani suit with a trophy wife. They’re usually a dime a dozen but I don’t think he’ll be too difficult to spot.

 

“The benefactor said that the target has a cell phone that runs off his own network, so if you can get a lock on that signal I’ll take the shot.” Ward explained as he pulled into an airport.

 

“I take it the benefactor is flying us out on his own dime?” I asked teasingly as I saw the luxurious jet laid out on the runway.

 

“He’s a paranoia. He didn’t want to bother trying to get my gear through customs.” Ward said as he parked the SUV by the hangar.

I felt a small pang of nostalgia hit me as I stared at the jet.

 

The Bus usually parked at airports like this. I wondered what Fitzsimmons might have been doing now. It’s been a couple years since I last saw them. Maybe they were better. Maybe they were still with May and Coulson.

 

The thought of Coulson made a small breath get lodged in my throat. Was he okay? Ward offered to look in on them but I always told him to not worry about it. They were better off without us and us them, but I still missed them some nights.

 

Ward opening my door brought me out of my thoughts. He offered me a small, warm smile, the one he saved exclusively for me. He took my hand in his and walked me over to the jet with his duffel slung over his shoulder.

 

I pressed myself against Ward’s side and he let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders and let my head press against his chest. He ghosted his lips over my scalp and I felt all of my longing for the Team vanish.

 

The jet was amazing. Leather interior and more champagne then I’ve seen in any store, and this was Italy for Christ’s sake! Ward took a seat near a wall table and started pulling out a couple of files from the drawer underneath.

 

“Do they want us drunk off our asses while we try to work?” I joked as I picked up a bottle and poured us a couple of glasses.

 

“I forgot to tell you, this job won’t exactly be a regular paycheck. We get a few luxuries, kill the target, and then we go home, all at half price.” Ward explained as I walked with our glasses and took a seat in his lap.

 

Ward wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me from spilling the champagne and I pressed his glass to his lips. After a few sips I replaced the glass with my mouth.

 

The kiss was soft but quickly grew heated. I put the glasses on the table, being careful to avoid the documents, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I teased his bottom lip with my tongue and felt his hand tighten around my waist.

 

“Mr. Ward, we are ready to depart. I hope I’m not interrupting.” I groaned at the pilot’s voice. I bury my face in the crook of Ward’s neck to hide the embarrassing blush that I felt creeping up my neck to redden my face.

 

“Yes, Ma’am. What’s our ETA?” Ward conversed while I breathed his scent in. I could feel his pulse pumping in his neck and I had to suppress the urge to sink my teeth into him. I wouldn’t hurt him, but I wanted that flesh in my mouth.

 

“We should be there in three hours, Mr. Ward. Please, enjoy the amenities your employer has provided you.” The pilot replied sweetly before taking her leave. I heard her heels clicking on the metallic floor in the middle of the carpeted lounge.

 

“Half-price?” I teased when I looked Ward in the eye again. He smiled impishly and pressed his lips to mine again before I abruptly stood from his lap.

 

I could feel the hunger creeping up on me. I looked into the cockpit and saw the pilot running through her pre-flight checks with her headset blocking out the sounds from the lounge.

 

“How important is the pilot to our, _benefactor_?” I asked as I kept eying her. Her blood was pumping delicately through her small frame.

 

“A dime a dozen actually. She’s all yours once we land.” Ward offered as he stood and pulled me flushed against him.

 

My arms wrapped around his neck automatically. I felt the power in his shoulders as he moved his arms to wrap around my lower back. His biceps pressed against my upper arms and I could feel myself going weak in the knees.

 

The first few months after leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. I saw Ward throw himself into his training ten times harder than when we were on the Bus. Pushups, pull ups, and sit ups at first but I saw it graduate into more intensive weight training mixed in with his already brutal training sessions.

 

It translated into his jobs when at first Ward was gone for a week or two at a time because he just didn’t have the conditioning. In a few weeks’ time he started only being gone for a maximum of five days depending on where the job was.

 

The conditioning also translated straight to the more fun stuff and that was why I never asked him to slow down. He would come back from a job and we would fuck on every surface in the house like a couple of animals. My personal favorite was the railing on the patio. The feel of the sun beating down on my sweat-slicked skin while Ward pounded into me sent me to new heights of pleasure.

 

I laid my head against his chest and heard the soft thudding of his heartbeat. Two years later and its monotonous tone still lulled me to a deep sleep. I started slumping against his frame and I felt Ward move his hands under my knees to pick me up.

 

I buried my head in his shoulder. The mood was gone but I still wanted to lay with him. Ward walked us over to the small couch by the wine rack and laid down on his back. I sprawled myself over his chest. His arms wrapped around my back and pressed me into his front. Ward pressed a small kiss to the crown of my head before I felt myself drifting off.

 

\--

 

When the plane landed Ward made sure to tip the pilot. We walked over to the car the benefactor had arranged for us and took off.

 

I flopped my boots on the dashboard and laid my head back against the seat so I could easily take in the sights. The buildings were beautiful and reminded me of old time cottages I would see in pictures in the orphanage.

 

Ward pulled into a hotel drive thru and stepped out of the vehicle. I winked at him and stretched out more comfortably along the interior of the car.

 

While Ward was checking us in I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket. I flipped through some blog sites checking the regular newsfeeds in the area. The target apparently liked to frequent a couple of pubs and something I assumed was the Belgian equivalent of an American nightclub.

 

Ward got back in the card and gave me quick kiss on the lips before he handed me my room key.

 

He pulled the vehicle to a parking spot and started shuffling two of the three duffels onto his shoulders while I grabbed the third. We walked through the lobby and into the elevator. Ward pressed the button for our floor and we rode in silence.

 

“There’s not any chance I could talk you into pressing the emergency stop and fucking me against the wall is there?” I suggested while leaning against said wall.

 

“Not while we’re on the clock, check back with me when we’re leaving.” Ward replied.

 

He winked at me and I felt like a love struck teenager for the umpteenth time with him. The elevator dinged and we walked the short distance to our room.

 

It was a one bed suite complete with a vanity outside the bathroom. It was a simple room, but I liked it. The bed was a king and I looked forward to a night with Ward in it.

 

Ward sat the duffel bags on the floor against the wall on the left side of the bed. I was distracted taking in the view of the Bruges street and didn’t notice Ward snaking his arm around my waist until he pulled me down on the bed with him.

 

A shriek left my throat when I fell on the soft mattress. Ward rose above me and encased me between him and the mattress. He lowered himself down and kissed me hungrily.

 

“Didn’t you say we were on the clock?” I teased him breathlessly. He nipped at my jaw with blunt teeth before ravishing my neck for a moment. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I wrapped my legs around his waist when I felt a painful tug in my core.

 

Ward raised his mouth to my ear and his hot breath on my skin made my blood boil in my veins.

 

“I didn’t feel like fucking against a wall. I wanted to take my time.” Ward whispered huskily into my ear and my hips thrust against his at the anticipation of what he had planned.

 

Ward brought his mouth back to mine and I moaned loudly into his when I felt his calloused fingers rub against my breast.

 

I grabbed at his hair but Ward took hold of my wrists and lifted them above my head. He took both of my wrists in one hand and reached into his back pocket without moving his lips from mine. Our tongues tangled around each other in an attempt to dominate the other.

 

I felt something soft tugging at my wrists instead of Ward’s rough hands. I broke the kiss and raised my eyes to see that my wrists had been tied to the headboard in a silk strap.

 

I looked at Ward in mock shock and he was wearing the biggest shit eating grin I had ever seen on his face as he stripped off his shirt.

 

The dick. He was deliberately taking it slow stripping out of his clothes as I sit there and pant like a madwoman. When he pops the button on his pants I feel my mouth go dry. He shucks off his jeans and underwear and I get a sight of his erection.

 

My mouth was watering profusely at the sight and I struggled against my restraints, the headboard was striking the wall repeatedly probably annoying the neighbors but I didn’t give a fuck. This man was a sight to behold and my body was burning with the need to touch him.

 

Ward started undressing me slowly. He unzipped my boots and pulled them and my socks off one at a time making sure to kiss my ankles. He popped the button on my jeans and pulled them down my legs kissing the expanse of my legs as they became visible to him. He stroked me through my panties and my felt more than heard the moan I released due to the blood thundering in my ears.

 

The bastard left my underwear for later.

 

The gentleness Ward had for undressing was gone when he got to my shirt. His muscles contracted as he ripped the fabric from my body with a roughness that made a wet spot appear in the middle of the bed.

 

He slung the ruined shirt across the room and popped the clasp on my bra. He removed the undergarment and flung it against the far wall with a resounding clank.

 

Ward took a stiff nipple in his mouth and started twirling his tongue around it and teething it. He rolled my other nipple between his fingers and I pulled against my bindings with a renewed vigor.

 

“So impatient. Just enjoy it.” Ward breathed against my skin as he started kissing a trail down my abdomen. He nipped at the skin above my center and I cried out into the ceiling. There was foreplay and then there was torture.

 

Ward didn’t bother trying to save my underwear. He hooked a strap between my fingers and ripped them off my body. He plunged his tongue into my folds and I threw my head against the headboard.

 

Ward was savage against my core and I was moaning and screaming my appreciations to the air. He added my fingers to the mix and I started riding them. When my climax hit I screamed with abandon and thrust myself against his fingers as hard as I could.

 

I panted and tried to relax my heart. Ward raised himself back above me and kissed me tenderly. I didn’t want tender when I bit his lower lip and started ravaging what little of his jawline I could with my teeth.

 

He started rubbing the nub of his erection against my clit and I lost all form of coherent thought.

 

“Yes, yes, yes, fucking do it already,” I begged him. Ward wouldn’t be swayed however and took a leisurely pace pushing himself inside me.

 

He let out a low groan that made my flushed skin heat up and I pushed the heels of my feet into his ass and pushed him deeper inside me.

 

Ward got the hint and started thrusting into me with fervor. I tightened my legs around his waist and made his chest pull flush against mine. He adjusted his angle where his pubic bone started striking against my clit and I threw my head back in a breathless gasp.

 

Ward buried his face in the crook of my neck, nipping at the tender flesh with blunt teeth. The contact allowed me to feel the sweat flowing through his skin. He wasn’t going to last much longer and neither was I.

 

Ward kissed me to try and lower the volume of my screams when my second orgasm rippled through me in waves of pleasure, but all he got was a split lip.

 

Ward finally came and stilled above me as a low growl echoed from the back of his throat. He slumped over me and the warmth radiating off of him was heavenly.

 

My eyes shut in exhaustion and I felt Ward undo the silk tie freeing my hands. He wrapped his arms around me and rolled over onto his back. My head rested above his racing heart and I planted a kiss on the sweaty skin above it.

 

“You know that might’ve been better against the wall.” I teased as my fingers slithered across his abdomen.

 

Ward chuckled and carded his fingers through my hair. “Next time,” Ward promised.

 

“You’re damn right.” I said as I grabbed the sheets on the bed and pulled them over our bodies.

 

Ward turned onto his side and I snuggled into his arms pressing my forehead against his firm chest. Sleep claimed me quickly. The last thing I remembered before slipping to dream was Ward’s lips brushing against my forehead.

 

\--

 

My morning was met with sunlight blaring through the thin curtains of the hotel room. The light hit my bare back and my skin started heating.

 

I made a noise of discomfort and pressed myself against Ward’s front while pulling the covers over my head. The morning sun could go fuck itself.

 

“Skye, time to get up sweetheart.” Ward’s soft voice echoed in my ears.

 

“I’m on vacation,” I mumbled sleepily as I buried myself in the crook of his chest and left arm.

 

“Well maybe you are but I have job today.” Ward said as he untangled himself from me and went to the bathroom.

 

“Right, I’m running tech support.” I remembered.

 

“If you don’t mind.” Ward called from the bathroom. I walked in behind him to see him running a razor over his stubble. The stubble was hot but if he went too long it turned into a full beard and while it felt nice between my legs didn’t do those Adonis-like cheekbones justice.

 

“So what’s the plan?” I asked sweetly as I hugged his side and pressed my head against his bicep.

 

“Locate the target through his cell network and take the shot at my earliest convenience. The money will be wired through the accounts you made and we’ll be in the air by dinner.” Ward spoke methodically.

 

I built a system of fake bank accounts to wire the money to a treasury presence I created on the internet. To the rest of the world, it was a bank account in the Cayman’s, but in reality it was actually just a bank account in Manchester under an alias Ward came up with. Mr. Adam Reeves was a corporate millionaire that spent his days in his penthouse apartment running everything through his private servers.

 

Ward took me to New York shortly after the alias was sent up. We spent three days in that apartment making sure it was properly, “lived in” before heading back to Italy.

 

Ward finished shaving and stepped into the shower while I combed a few tangles out of my hair and made sure my wrists didn’t have any lasting marks from the silk tie. Ward wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me but I would get violent when he went down on me.

 

I stepped into the shower behind him and started pressing open mouth kisses to Ward’s shoulder blades. He turned around and cupped my ass in his hands. He dipped his head to mine to ignite a steamy kiss and I felt his hands slide down my legs to the back of my thighs.

 

He lifted me and I wrapped my legs back around his waist and he pressed me against the wall.

 

“So this is what it takes to get sex against a wall?” I tease as I wrapped my hands around his neck.

 

“Well I was hoping to shower, but I guess I can multitask.” Ward smirked and started nibbling on my pulse point.

 

“I think you can.” I moaned as he started working me over again.

 

\--

 

“Skye, do you have the location?” Ward asked in my earpiece.

 

“Third floor balcony. Wait two minutes for him to be alone and take the shot.” I spoke quietly masking pressing the talk button on my earpiece as adjusting my hair.

 

The upstairs lobby was empty. I expected the target to be suspicious of what I was doing here but he just kept walking. His eye candy must’ve been more distracting than I thought. Big boobs and a nice ass sure, but her idiocy made the body useless.

 

Ward taught me Italian shortly after we moved there and from then on he’s been teaching me all six languages he knew. French was the easiest to learn after Italian for me and as such I understood what the idiot brunette was saying.

 

I sipped on my champagne. Bellhops walked around with trays of it on all floors and I indulged in a little afternoon drinking.

 

The target walked out onto the balcony with his eye candy dangling on his arm hanging on every word he said.

 

“You got the hooker?” Ward asked.

 

“Yeah, any chance we could kill her later though, maybe after a three way, she’s really hot.” I joked with him.

 

“I don’t she’ll be in the mood after I put a bullet in her client.” Ward chuckled.

 

“On three?” I grasped the hilt of Beth under the cut of my dress and unclipped the hook.

 

“One,” Ward breathed as I stood against the wall next to the balcony out of the hooker’s eyesight.

 

“Two,” The hooker laughed animatedly at the target’s joke.

 

“Three.” Ward fired the shot and the bullet wisped silently through the air striking the target dead center in the forehead.

 

I moved to the hooker quickly and plunged Beth into the slut’s jugular before she could scream. Her blood coated down my arms and I felt that familiar warmth that came with a fresh kill.

 

“No time to feed right now Skye, the authorities will be there any minute. Do you need any help getting out?” Ward’s voice forced me to remove Beth from the corpse’s neck.

 

“No,” I pouted. The bitch probably had a tasty heart too! A chest that big she had too.

 

I walked away and sidestepped into a bathroom. I washed the blood off and missed the warmth it made me feel. I dried my hands and placed Beth back in her sheath before making a hasty exit out of the hotel.

 

\--

 

On the plane I erased all footage from the security cameras for the past week from both hotels. Once that was done I shut down the computer and sprawled across the couch laying my head in Ward’s lap.

 

He smiled softly at me and the low lights of the plane made the dark brown of his eyes shine with an amber glow. He plucked a grape off the vine and placed at my lips where I sucked it out of his fingers and swallowed.

 

His other hand was currently running down the lengths of my legs sending shivers up my spine. I was still wearing the dress from the hotel. It was of the same design as the one I wore in Malta but was deep red instead of fuchsia.

 

“I love you.” Ward spoke softly and I felt my heart skip a beat.

 

“I love you too.” I spoke earnestly as I lifted my arm up behind his neck and pulled his head down to kiss him softly.

 

Best decision I ever made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that this project is done I'll be able to put even more focus into "Someday You'll Understand."


End file.
